A toxic inner critic can often trap our clients in painful patterns of shame, or sometimes leave them frozen in fear.
But according to Rick Hanson, PhD, the inner critic can also serve an important function.
So how can we help clients counteract a harsh inner critic in order to experience healing and growth?
In this short video, Rick shares a useful way of reframing the role of the inner critic for clients, and why it can sometimes be necessary to veer from some of the most common approaches for working with it.
Take a look—it’s about 4 minutes.
How do you help clients break free from a harsh inner critic?
Please leave a comment below.
love this explanation Beautifully explained
My inner critic has been left out for many years, until recently, my work it through brought light to the absence of my “caring committee”, a connection, that I have longed for years. i finally have a desire for having been to go to places that fear has stopped me. Maturation and with a-newed in relationships has found me whole again. it is not easy to go through the bumps and phases and afterthoughts, i wouldn’t do it differently to be where i am today for my children. Best,
hi, i am sending this AS a message of disstress, does anyone still reckovering from stresss-induced issues, and go through breaks and about nextt year? to help my clients who are feeeling the pressure and breakloose relationships, this video is so short that I really kind of looking for more infos… thx
What a shame!!
Thank you for this precious post with many tools and encouraging feedbacks. I have seen progress in my self-talk in weeks and have been going back to the steady basic. Great tips!
Greetings!
Studies that have been evaluated showed that the use of hypnosis is worth exploring for some persons. Most studies showed, for example, a slight weight loss, with an average loss of about 6 pounds (2.7 kilograms) over 18 months, for some it is mostly in the “baby belly” However, the quality of some of these studies has been questioned, making it hard to determine the true effectiveness of hypnosis and changing self-talk or negative thinking.
Cultivating the concept of one’s “caring committee” is useful as it provides several viewpoints from which the self can consider various lenses and then decide which components best fit the particular situation one is facing. To be able to see the harshest critics for what they are, one can begin to give more “power” to those critics demonstrating lenses lending greater balance. Taking into account common themes brought by each critic can provide insight into a central issue/issues which the self needs go give honest, productive, compassionate attention in order to become a better, more balanced, more functional self. Using the outcome to inform and guide is a particularly credible source especially when the self has allowed the critics to speak frankly, take-in the “voices” objectively, and apply a higher form of self to break-down the messages.
Hi, Dixie Very good point. Been reading through “Taking Turns” by MK Czerwiec who wrote his heart out to describe what he feels like the community has something of value to provide – not only caregiving but also a community experience, a safety net to feel comforted and surrounded of what is familiar, “not scary”
Happy Thanksgiving all. I adore this superb video every time I have the chance to watch it. It is how to really tune into the inner critic, be aware of the projections, get curious to have a clearer picture of that critical part, to notice how often it shows up. For me, it is more about the worries about being judged, then my reaction is to avoid catastrophic situations? My noticing in my body is that the critical part is often around a lot, especially if I feeling anxious or depressed. Watching this video, I have learned to be more compassionate about the critical part that actually trying to protect me from future harm and to keep me safe rather than likely to tell it to shut up and leave me alone. But unfortunately, I am usually stuck with blocks and fear and reactive. This video is important for me to learn about coping effectively.
Thank you,
Thank you for sharing the questions you use.
These questions are definitely very personal at the professional level and can only be asked individually. I find very useful and personalized a lot too. There are so many possibilities of use. I would use the journaling tool. Thank you, Kim.
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Excellent material. Thank you.
I sometimes invite the person to dialogue with that part of the self that is “highjacking” happiness.
“what does it desire for you”?
“what does it not wish you to do”
” what is it ‘protecting’ you from?
“how might you tame it – rather than try to repress it?
how old is this part of the self?
long time around?? familiar part?? recently born?? etc.
Getting to know this part makes it less threatening, less power-full, more CHOICES around its usefulness.
Thank you so much. Without a doubt, those questions do wonders and are pretty crucial for the recovery among my adults’ clients with traumatic events because they help with recognizing and healing the invisible wounds, and changing the internal narrative, and replacing with some affirmation like “the wound doesn’t run my life, it doesn’t define me” ‘it is never too late to deserve what I have to have”, “I can feel loved, supported and cared for”, will it ever be good enough then.
Thank you MaryRose, this is very helpful…
Isn’t it called co-dependence in a toxic relationship ? Can group support be useful.
I am recently certified as a licensed social worker. And, I have found that because of the connection of synapses or even hallucinogenic drugs that can affect our subconscious, it seems that some customers remain in their universe and resist to come out of it. These are my toughest customers especially since they are very consistent in their daily regiments. So, how to negotiate the sell when everything is in their hands.
Sometimes thanking the harsh inner critic for their viewpoint calms that voice a little and gives the opportunity to summon the inner team of wise ones such as ‘Gandolf’, Glenda the Good Witch or any other compassionate model relevant to the individual. Sticking a picture of a kinder model (eg The Good Witch) on the bathroom mirror can remind our mind there is an alternative.
I agree that evoking the deep body feelings to support ongoing re-framing is more efficient. Without developing new neurological pathways to support change, it seems a longer path to reinventing a more compassionate/coaching inner dialogue.
Ariana Huffington described it as living with an ‘obnoxious room mate’ in an interview I listened to. This really resonated with me as it provided an opportunity for a chuckle which can shift my energy and then present empowerment through choice. I could evict the room mate &/or reduce their importance in my mental dialogue &/or move in with more supportive room mates. Just by becoming aware that there is an alternative is the most empowering opportunity.
Dr Rick’s technique can open the door for choice and the potential for change and I believe creating awareness of this possibility is really important for moving into an effective yet kind inner coach.
Asking what the voice says and wants, usually helps to hear the needs that is underneath it. In this case, in their own language, the clients can also by this mean, say what keeps haunting them. It is safe to say that inner critics “never hurt” anyone as long as they can voice their needs
thank you , very cheerful ?
Hi Drs and community, can you please make another video to help built truly this caring committee, maybe use an image or a simulation game, so I can find the nurtures inside. Maybe invite more nurturer if none are found inside!
I have 1M inner criticisors then inner nurturors.
Thank you so much
I call the inner critic the monkey on their back & to knock that monkey off with a powerful image of a loved one encouraging them forward…….
I am asking the client to draw a picture of inner critic, to give a name to it and to write its words on a paper during coaching sessions when needed. I will add the “caring committee“ idea as a nurturer to complete this toolkit. Thank you.
I find self compassion meditations such as those of Tara Brach and Kristen Neff very helpful. These are freely available on the net so clients can use them at home
thanks!
building up the inner nurture by applying MSCompassion .
i d love to get more insights about inner nurture and how to strength it up
thanks
Tracey tritsch please can you tell me what the tour stick series is please?
Not sure whether book, tv series or YouTube?
Thanks in advance
I’m not a practitioner but the last 20 months have seen me, or rather have ‘forced’ me to rethink my habitual patterns of thinking (ti was that or die, not joking), and these days I find myself offering suggestions and new perspectives to friends and family that honestly just astonish me because of the insight I’ve gained! My psychologist recommended your “Stuck” series and I’ve found it immensely interesting and useful. Rick’s “Caring Committee” is a fabulous idea – although I haven’t a clue about Gandalf since I am the only human on the face of the earth who hasn’t been swept up in the Harry Potter craze … although it clearly has got in somehow since I know where Gandalf is from :-), and I shall add this idea to my now bulging mental toolkit.
OH dear, I don’t want to be an “outer critic” but Gandalf is a character from long before Harry Potter. That reference is from the Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit series. These books are by Tolkien.
I am so glad your tool kit is growing and you are on the road to healthier thinking. Forgive my correction and receive it in the spirit in which it was sent, I pray.
Dorothy Thomas, MSCC, LMFT
I appreciate your compassionate correction, Dorothy. I, too, am happy that your tool kit is growing, Tracey. Keep up the good work! I love this idea of growing the power of inner-nurturance to off-set the power of the inner critic. I am now going to go through my LOTR books and build a caring committee dream team from the characters!
Thanks, Deanna, i agree. Things can become a struggle in session when you don’t know how to help a person who has low esteem, refuse your help because s/he believes that s/he is entitled so becomes demanding and taking pleasure in causing suffering in others? So changing perspective and becoming aware of the inner critic and self-talk is willing to receive the blessing of love and care from others, whether it is or not a fact.
Reframe the dialogue saying “it is okay to ask and receive from others with no due or charges involved, as it is a win-win for both.” It might be a way to “nicely confront” the fear or resistance to change. But, yes, growing the toolbox, definitely. Thanks.
Lovely. I had similar contrasting coaching styles and by far, the encouraging coach got the best performance. I love the idea of teaching the guiding system a new, more nurturing approach, rather than ‘let’s ignore the critic or shut it down’.
Thank you! Interesting and helpful. It’s like working with children: guidance rather than criticism or punishment. I liked Rick’s idea of the felt sense of a guide, a caring committee. Build up the inner nurturer rather than fight the inner critic.
Julie Simons offers a lot of help in developing our Inner Nurturer in her book, When Food is Comfort. Also, Inner Relationship Focusing with Ann Cornell Weiser is a beautiful way to learn to welcome and be with partial selves within.
Wonderful reference here. I will check this out because thats where i have issue with…emotional trigeers and since their s a stack weeding to on my self, i am going to write it as next to buy thank s alots
?Counteracting the empowering inner critic by increasing the inner nurturer, but when your child tells you ” you are not my dad/mother” what would you use to counteract such a so strong affirmation/rejection/. I am a step mother of two daughters that my husband have in his previous marriage. He has another son and i have not such a problem with him only with my youngest daughter.
Thank you so much. I will use this. I often talk to my clients about using your inner coach vs inner critic. I like the idea of the caring committee!
Working with adopted children and youth in shelters, I have found that letting them coming to talk to me and it has made such a difference. It is the power differential and the balance that comes into play to create a safe haven. I am thankful that I have had worked this population because there is so much to dig into and to work with. Love it. I would use the tool as “giving your inner coach/critic a name”, or having an imaginary friend or two, using puppets In Argentina, children who have fear and feeling anxious, women give them some miniature puppets to put under their pillow to make them feel well protected. I love learning about the tools that helps for the best.
I help my patients evaluate whether the harsh inner critic is actually an
adolescent part of their inner children constellation; as adolescents tend
toward impatience, black and white thinking, and a need not to feel
vulnerable or weak. If this is the case, the harsh inner critic is likely trying to invalidate the feelings of the younger children part of the self. The work is to become the loving parent who nurtures and cherishes all of the inner children, and is encouraging and patient, and sets boundaries so the children are all respected.
Inner critic, linguistically sounds as a construct as well as meaningfully: to show the perception and reality difference sometimes is crucial, to demonstrate what the ‘inner critic’ voice says is not deriving from ‘nothing’ but underlying layers of need to be heard, to feel, to have a space etc.
Some people have gone so far down the road on hearing only the harsh inner critic and for so long that they have lost the trail back to the coach. It can be important to ask them to give voice to the inner coach again so that they can identify the important points that resonate with what they need to hear.
I work with their negative subconscious programming that overpowers their conscious intent to nourish positive neuroplasticity. Hypnotherapy helps them unlock the root of their negative programs – sometimes of their own downloads or those they caught from others’ projections.
Christine Sullivan PhD, FNP, medical hypnotherapist
Center Point Medicine, LaJolla, CA
As much as I like the idea of consciously re-arranging your self talk and creating a committee of self-compassion, I think that hypnosis is more likely to rapidly talk to and re-orient one’s inner mechanisms, such as the negative critic.
My inner critic has been the harsh driver all these years, the ‘suck it up princess’ type… it’s only in my mid 40s that I’m becoming softer… it’s definitely not easy… and softness is often associated with weakness… perhaps I should have said ‘calmer’ because it’s more enjoyable and relaxing.
As a mother of two, I have not quite been easy on my role either, feeling “not good enough” or not being a home based for my children. But yes, when I had my second one, I have found it was hard to not to sweat the small stuffs anymore. But, my inner critic is on guard and keep an eye on me and my perfectionism, my professionalism still hangs on. Rather than calmer, I have learned about Patience. or Not quite yet. Since my colleague would say the contrary.