A Story for Clients Stuck in Worry and “What Ifs”

There are times when a client can get stuck in “what if” scenarios and worry about the future.

And when that happens, it stifles their ability to think clearly and approach their problems with wisdom and creativity.

But there’s a very succinct, engaging story that’s popular in Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) that can help clients see their situation with fresh perspective. Paul Gilbert, PhD developed it, and in the video below you can hear a fantastic telling by Dennis Tirch, PhD – I’ll let him take it from here.

Click here for full transcript

Dr. Tirch: Let’s imagine you’re a zebra and you’re at the watering hole. The other zebras have kind of left and you’re just there alone at the watering hole, and then there’s a lion. The lion sees you, it’s like, “You’re lunch,” and the lion goes for you. We know that you can skip lunch many times but you can only be lunch once, right? So this is a big problem for this zebra. The lion almost gets you, but fortunately this is a lion who has, like, attentional problems and executive function deficits and at the last minute he sees a squirrel and it goes off after the squirrel, so you made it! Congratulations! Your zebra hooves don’t fail you now, you’re out of town, it’s great. Now if you’re a zebra, about 5 to 10 minutes later, your threat-processing systems calm down. You’re not responding to the threat anymore because it’s not here and you just go on responding to present moment contingencies and do zebra stuff and you know you go over by the other zebra and everybody’s fine it’s no problem. But if the zebra had a human brain, you would be thinking about it and building contingencies. You’d be telling the other zebras, “Did you see that lion? It was the worst thing! It was terrible, it was amazing!” Then that night you’d be having a hard time getting to sleep and you’d be thinking, “Oh my god, what about tomorrow? Is there going to be another lion or what if there’s two lions? Oh my god, how am I ever going to get through this? I’m never going to be able to save up enough money to put my kids through zebra college, the zebra economy is terrible.” You’d just be worrying and thinking and thinking and thinking. Human beings respond to imaginary things as if they were real. It’s our biggest strength; it’s what allowed us to have language and culture and use fire and build buildings. Imagination itself, that’s great, that’s a big human strength. But unfortunately, every time we get these “old brain” emotional responses, they can trigger a whole cascade of “new brain” imagining and planning and it goes around and around. So part of what we need to be able to do is to practice the ability of mindful awareness and clear seeing and compassion to get stable. Let’s get grounded in the present moment, get oriented to acceptance of what is happening right here and right now, with warmth, loving awareness, and presence. And let’s see our thoughts, emotions, and impulses as what they are. Maybe even appreciate them, like, “What a gas, enjoy the ride, there it goes.” Compassion allows us to do that; it allows us to get out of that crazy cycle of the new brain and old brain just whirling around, causing our suffering.

When a client understands a little about how the brain works, it can lift some of the shame that some clients may feel about their emotional experience. It can clear a path for self-compassion and help them respond to challenges in new ways.

Do you have a client who might benefit from this story? Please let us know by leaving a comment below.

If you found this helpful, here are a few more resources you might be interested in:

The Neuroscience of Worry During Quarantine

[Infographic] A Four-Step Approach for Overcoming Anxiety

An IFS Approach to Fear and Anxiety During the COVID-19 Pandemic

26 Comments

Alan Cox, Coach, AU says

What a great metaphor. I am going to put a link to this on my website. Thank you.

Anonymous, CA says

loved the analogy to the zebra.

Pavan Kanwar, Coach, GB says

It’d really help if you broke down the approach. Might that be possible?

Madeleine Kingsley, Counseling, GB says

Great story, thank you! So valuable in the time of Corona… I just looked out on the awesome view from my window and saw that the lion was actually a woodpecker enjoying nuts… x

Anonymous says

A good reminder thank you. My daughter had a single seizure several months ago and I am still caught up in the ‘what ifs’ and can feel them increasing as we get closer to her being medically fit to drive again. ‘Be more Zebra’ is going to be my mantra when I am anxious about her.

Anonymous says

Very profound and useful!

Anonymous says

Excellent ?

B G, Another Field, Ab, NY, USA says

I wish I was a zebra. Guilt over decisions for mom’s medical care When she had a stroke. Mistakes made by EMS, Hospital, all around when she had a stroke and did not get surgery on time. Full of what if I did this or that. Torment. I was her caregiver, protector, her daughter, like her mother, her buddy. She might have been alive if decisions were different. I was with her 24/7 for decades. Being eaten by the lion. My best friend and child passed away perhaps unnecessarily. Life is pain and emptyness, plain.

- Susanne Cook, Social Work, Montgomery, TX, USA says
  
  BG, I can feel the pain and loneliness in your post. Losing a parent is so difficult and it sounds like you loved your mother very much. You (and others) did what was best in the moment…hindsight will always shed more light on our decisions…I pray that you will have the grace and forgiveness to let go of regrets and ‘what ifs’ and remember all the precious moments you shared with your mom. I believe your mother is wanting this for you as well. God bless! Susanne
  
Sue Levy, Counseling, ventura, CA, USA says

This is wonderful. Thank you so much!

JoAnn Berns, Psychology, White River Jct, VT, USA says

Robert Sapolsky wrote on this topic many years ago, a brilliant book that has been updated with multiple Editions:

<>

Interestingly he too is brilliant, fast-talking and funny is all heck.

- JoAnn Berns, Psychology, White River Junction, VT, USA says
 
 For some reason the title did not print above, it is,
 
 “Why zebras don’t get ulcers”
 
 - Danielle Friedman, Psychotherapy, Santa Clara, CA, USA says
 
 Yes, great book. I thought of that immediately too!
Shuja Hoda, Psychotherapy, GB says

I heard the zebra analogy from Dr Paul Gilbert at a CFT workshop ten years ago and have been using it with my clients ever since. A fantastic way to explain how the human brain struggles to switch off once a threat is over and imagined fears take over the brain

Anonymous says

I hear you and I have been there. In fact I was there for several years. Self-induced emotional and psychological torture and torment. Only recently have I reached deep within to embrace, love and accept of myself. That, however, does not guarantee a life without problems nor is it always embraced by those who have known you as an easily abused individual. I need to know what my health issues are. Somehow, someone (family), decided I should not be told. You cannot face, accept and make peace with what you don’t know. I have all the responsibility to provide for myself without the benefit of factual information. I have already made some devastating financial decisions based on doctors input because they have not been free to honor “the patient’s right to know”. The state is investigating my medical case but any enlightenment from that is several months off. In the meantime, I can’t seemed to let go of the need to know for financial planning or the resentment of not having an explanation to what is happening to me.

- Medgine Eugene, Coach, Toledo, OH, USA says
  
  Have you tried having a reading with a skilled psychic?
  
- Ivonna Karlikova, Counseling, GB says
  
  No one has the right to patronise me/you by their superficial view of WHO I AM! Only I/you, as an autonomous individual, can & (owe it to self), to assert that ‘I am, worthy of who I am’ (or ask if ‘…?’) it is my/your knowing & appreciating, of Who I Am, that informs the purpose of my mission in this life…as a child of Kosmic Source of all origins…. I I ponder and Hope for you contemplating such thoughts enables your spirit to empowerment…
  
Linda Blaser, Counseling, OH, USA says

Metaphors can be powerful teachers and this is one of the best I ever heard. It’s light, funny, clever and meaningful. I’ll remember it.

Dee Wegner, Counseling, Temecula , CA, USA says

Great video! It simply distinguishes between the old brain and new brain which is what most of us have trouble doing. Thank you.

Emilee Garfield, Exercise Physiology, USA says

I was the zebra! ??love this

Nicole Urdang, Psychotherapy, Buffalo, NY, USA says

Haha…You can skip lunch many times, but you can only be lunch once. Loved it!

Anne Marie Tymlin, IE says

I love this story and as a dramatherapist I value story in therapy. I will benefit personally from this. I live in my head a lot so sometimes i’m harder on myself than others, so I’m going to try an get in touch with my inner zebra more now!!! Thank you for this. Simple short and to the point.

- Anonymous says
  
  “my inner zebra…”what a nice thaught too.We need this kind of zebra thoughts! Thanks!
  
k s, Psychotherapy, DE says

so nicely told… thank you!

Amalia Brightman, Psychotherapy, GB says

Loved the Zebra narrative… How very true about ruminating negative thoughts and catastrophizing, not Zebra like…. Very engaging.

Alun Charles Jones, Psychotherapy, GB says

This is an enjoyable video. Very pleasantly presented and very likely to appeal to many!

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26 Comments