A Compassion-Focused Approach to Self-Critical, Negative Thoughts

For some clients, not an hour goes by without an intrusive thought from their “inner critic” . . .

. . . and the shame, blame, and fear that it stirs up can be paralyzing.

So how can we help clients who struggle to keep these unwelcome thoughts in check?

Well, Dennis Tirch, PhD, has a compassion-focused spin on a strategy from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to do just that. Have a listen.

Click here for full transcript

Dr. Tirch: Well, thanking the mind is a classic technique from acceptance and commitment therapy that really lends itself to a compassion-focused perspective or spin. We first use thanking the mind to recognize that the mind is aiming to do what it thinks it needs to do. This is the more “classic-y” act take on it. You have a mind that evolved to have symbolic experience, to learn from symbolic things, not just from literal things. These symbols will affect you, and you’ll respond to them as though they’re literal. So, we could thank the mind for that, rather than buying everything the mind is selling in a classic act kind of sense. We can say, “Hey, my mind is telling me that I forgot to start to make dinner. My mind is telling me that the family is going to be angry with me, or my mind is telling me that I’m worthless. Thank you mind, you’re doing your job, you’re telling me all the things that might get me in trouble. I’ve got this, I’m going to keep focused on what matters to me and use my hands and my feet to live my life, but thank you.” The compassion focused therapy spin on that is we have this very tricky brain that has evolved over hundreds of millions of years to have these crazy loops and get us in all sorts of trouble. There’s so much that we didn’t choose, we didn’t ask for, the drives are suffering, so of course, you’re suffering. As hard as it might be to thank this mind, it’s not your mind’s fault, and it’s not your fault either. Let’s just recognize that your mind is driving some of your suffering, and it’s time for you to have some compassionate authority, some compassionate understanding, and take a big giant step back and say, “Okay, thank you mind. I’ve got this, I know that you think I need to be shamed and blamed, but at this point, that’s not what we’re going to do today. We’re not going to base our behavior on that. What we are going to base our behavior on is what matters. So, perhaps I am late to make dinner, but I’ve got it. You can have a seat, duly noted, stand down, very good, good mind, good work. It’s a subtle thing to add a compassion-focused spin to it, but it warms things up and it can add some playfulness, it can add some humor, and it can add some perspective.

By thanking the mind for doing its job, clients can acknowledge unwelcome thoughts without being beholden to them.

Now we’d like to hear from you. Do you have a client who could benefit from this practice? What strategies have you found helpful for working with unwelcome, self-critical thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.

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15 Comments

Agnes Boedt, Psychology, BE says

Thinking of clients, the strategy seems so helpful. Thinking of myself, it’s a different story. “I am not taking any responsability for my mistakes by stating ‘but’. I want to be compassionate AND responsable by acknowledging that I did wrong, I don’t always respond as if I got this.
Applied to myself, this feels like bypassing. The trick is so to find balance between compassion in allowing ourselves time to learn and grow and responsability for mistakes.

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Linda Ch, Teacher, CA says

Very helpful suggestion and so consistent with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

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Mo Bailey, Social Work, CA, USA says

I often work with ASD families and autism-seeded anxiety. The symbols and thanks is something I appreciate and will be more mindful of with this reminder. Thanks – great topic!

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Margaret Guest, Counseling, AU says

Well yes but there has to be a sound element of balance though for any of those perfectly reasonable sounding …” thank you mind for your input, know where yr coming from… but im just going to go ahead and make awesome pancakes for the fam” alternate POVs by the core self to be heard. I think i need to go into whatever stage/ intervention comes before compassion and love have ANY chance. Maybe a shaman.

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Anonymous says

I really enjoy hearing where Dennis is coming from, the depth of his experience and compassion and the ease of communicating the strategy to assist. Thankyou.

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Prima Mangonon, USA says

For me (and it helps,) I use this biblical principles, “Whatsoever things are true..honest.. just.. pure.. lovely.. of good report, if there be any virtue.. praise, think on these things”

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Kelly Burnett, Clergy, Cypress, TX, USA says

Love this!!!

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Denise, Counseling, CA says

This is a great way to observe the thought as the mind doing its job trying to protect. Identifying the position to take charge and tell the mind – I’ve got this reminded me of a client I worked with years ago struggling with intrusive thoughts / OCD.

They attributed their success in the little piece of paper I gave them… three words “you’ve got this!”

I had forgotten about how powerful those words were.

Thank you for the reminder!

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Ybel Lemoine, Social Work, USA says

Love that I now have a name (compassion-focused) to the practice I do daily to combat negative self-talk. “Thank you mind….”

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Marietta Huizenga, Counseling, Turlock , CA, USA says

I love that…stand down, mind! ?

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Kirstine Keel, Counseling, Draper, UT, USA says

When we have developed the skill of Using the cognitive part of our brain to notice the conversations our mind is having and choosing how to respond instead of reacting. We are not our thoughts but we are the person who is observing our thoughts. We are more powerful than we could ever imagine – it’s really about learning to love ourselves so we can love others by increasing self- awareness ❤️

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Doreen Hills, Counseling, Wiggins, CO, USA says

thank you, mind I got this…love that

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Eileen Farrar, Counseling, Falmouth, ME, USA says

What is interesting here is the development of the ability to not only observe the mind dispassionately, but to separate with detachment and kindness….self observing self, and not buying everything the mind ‘self’ is telling the self. I love the phrase ‘compassionate authority’

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Andrea Copland, AU says

I do this all the time with myself. Happens at different developmental stages of life you feel different emotions. Life is worrying for everyone especially when you have grown children. Know the strategies to put in, and money becomes the key. We live in an extremely classist society. Unfortunately this is true, money talks bullshit walks. My friend told me this in our 20s, she is correct.

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Angelika Frost, Psychotherapy, DE says

Thanking the mind for its job is a very helpful intervention as it creates a distance to critical or stressful thoughts. it also interrupts a vicious circle of self-blaming. Often I first notice an uncomfortable feeling, and I have to sort out, what is happening, what is the mind speaking right now. The thoughts are so elusive, often not explicit and I only percieve the result in my feelings or mood.

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