When a client loses something that’s become central to their identity and purpose, they can start to feel empty.
And for many clients, filling that void can feel like a daunting prospect.
So when it comes to helping them discover new sources of fulfillment, where do we start?
In the video below, Michael Yapko, PhD shares an exercise he used to help a client rebuild his life (and rediscover his identity) after a major loss.
Have a look.
Click here for full transcript
And then, as so often happens, when one of his parents passed away, the other parent passed away soon after, and all of a sudden, his reason for being was gone. And talk about a pervasive sense of emptiness, he experienced it. He was literally lost. “Where do I go, what do I do when I don’t have to do any of the things that I’ve been doing for years now? How do I start to rebuild my own life?”
And I did with John the very kinds of things that I’ve been talking about. I started with hypnosis sessions that really oriented him to the recognition that here is an opportunity, an opportunity to be curious, to be curious about his ability to rediscover who he is when he’s not having to take care of somebody else. What are his values, what defines him as a man, what are his interests, what are the things that he prioritizes? And of course, he didn’t really know the answer to those things, so to give him assignments that help him start to discover those things.
One of the assignments that I routinely give people when I’m talking about values clarification is I’ll ask them to read newspapers and magazines every day for a couple of weeks, and clip out articles that in one way or another move them, that in one way or another they react to. And so, when they do that, and they bring me in this folder of articles that they’ve clipped, we’ll go through them one at a time. “Why did you clip this article? What does it say about you that you have this reaction to this particular news story?”
So they might clip an article, for example, about a oil tanker that ran aground and fouled a beach with thousands of gallons of spilled oil, and then I’ll ask them, “Well, why did you react to this particular article?” And then, when they tell me, “It’s because it’s irresponsible, and it ruins the environment, and…” “Okay, so you care about the environment. What does that mean that you’ll do? What does it mean that you won’t do?” And help this person start to build their life to be consistent with what their values are about, and then the easy next step of connecting them.
Well, in this particular case with John, I had him go through all of these articles, and one of the things that he really felt to be true for himself was that he really liked the arts, and that he was now spending more time seeing movies, movies that he had missed out on when he was taking care of his parents, and he was a thoughtful fellow. I encouraged him to start writing a blog of his movie reviews, and long story short, a local newspaper, a small paper, nothing spectacular, but a small newspaper noticed his reviews and started paying him freelance to write reviews for the paper. And one thing led to another, and before you know it, he’s writing reviews and blogs for a number of different periodicals, and all of a sudden, he has a new sense of purpose in his life, and his sense of emptiness diminishes markedly.
He now views himself as contributing, helping people better understand the symbolism and the deeper meanings of the movies that they see. It gives him a chance to be thoughtful and use his perceptiveness, and this made a dramatic difference that this guy went from feeling lost to feeling like he’s got a greater purpose and an enjoyable aspect of his life. It gave him a reason to be social with people and make new connections, and his life turned around. But it started with that question of “Who am I, and what am I?” The self-definition that really helps people start to determine, “What is the direction I want my life to take?”
Emptiness can stem from a variety of issues – including depression, grief, trauma, and even borderline personality disorder. So we’ve gathered targeted strategies from top experts for the course on How to Work with Deep Feelings of Emptiness.
You’ll hear from Richard Schwartz, PhD; Janina Fisher, PhD; Pat Odgen, PhD; Stephen Porges, PhD; and many more.
Please check it out, but before you do, I’d like to hear your thoughts. How do you help clients who feel empty? Let me know in the comments below.
I am seeking help for a former boss of fine who is struggling and I know he lost his mom which change how he experienced life and I am sure ghete is other factos. But I really want to see him be ok
I and my clients enjoy putting together a Vision Board with a specific challenge to those who don’t know or can’t find their own rhythms, especially after trauma or death or physical loss of agency. The challenge is to choose from magazines only those images or words that grab at the heart and resonate in some palpable way. This may be extremely difficult for some, but when done communally in a group (each on their own matte board), with inspiring music (chosen for it’s upbeat lyric and rhythm), typically every person builds and sustains energy while warming to the project. It must be a simple directive. The why may not be obvious, but the heart knows. When completed, the other group members ask questions about various elements that may not be immediately apparent to the doer of the Board; being witnessed as if the Vision Board were a dream that inspires curiosity, helps support the doer in a deep understanding of their own “lost” dreams. This and many other insightful and motivating activities light the path to someone’s inner desires, dreams and wishes.
Find the community of marshal arts, tai chi, qi gong, there you`ll meet new people. Travel. Read or listen books, paint house, paint, wright a book a memoir, or journaling about the feelings. Wright a letter to yourself. Learn to play instrument. Declutter your home. Acupuncture, lymphatic body message. Get a pet a partner for a walk in nature. Create a blog for emptiness and write what you feel. Teach a parrot to talk and put in YouTube, and see how many likes you`ll get. There is always hope. Nothing is forever, life is a change and impermanence. Watch nature`s seasons. Feelings don’t define you. Take time and space to grief. Tomorrow weather forecast is sunshine! Go to the coffeeshop sit at the window and look how people rushing. All is well. Smile in the mirror remember when you were small and looked in the mirror for the first time.
I encouraged my client to visualise her late father, what her late father would advice her at thag juncture or as her role model, what could her late father do if he is in her position, to help her to move on. Meanwhile, I encourage her to communicate with her late father during her religion meditation and try to ‘listen’ the response from her late father. Before end of the session, I gave her an ego strength in the hypno therapy session.
Thank you very much for this great strategy!
I help them take their personal inventory in hope for them to rediscover pieces of themselves.