Even when a client is making progress, self-blame, shame, and self-criticism can hold them back from reaching their goals.
But according to Dennis Tirch, PhD there is a compassion-based strategy that can help clients keep moving forward, even during difficult emotions or circumstances.
It’s a metaphor that he adapted from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Have a listen.
This can help clients acknowledge feelings like shame, jealousy, anxiety, and guilt without letting them disrupt their journey forward.
Do you have a client who might find this useful? How have compassion-based interventions helped your clients? Please share your experience in the comments below.
If you found this helpful, here are a few more resources you might be interested in:
Treating Attachment Trauma with Compassionate Imagery, with Deborah Lee, DClinPsy
A Compassion-Focused Approach to Self-Critical, Negative Thoughts
Two Compassion-Based Ways to Help Your Client Overcome Shame
In my early childhood, mom forced me to take care of my sister Louise, a year younger than I, who was severely mentally disabled. I felt compelled to do it, otherwise I didn’t exist in my mother’s eyes. I learned to attune to her to such an extent that mom called on me to have Louise listen to her. It gave me pride. A dejected pride each time I noticed that Louise’s functioning was not improving. I felt ashamed to have though that I had the power to help her. My compassion for her was true and empowered me, but was inexorably doomed.
Love this analogy to use with clients! Thank you!!
I’m finding this a really helpful image – so as the bus driver I can look at all the challenging ‘children’ with compassion assuring them that I see them and they have a place in the bus. And I’m still the driver!
Very well expressed, thank you Charmaine! I understand.
Compassion is staying with one’s sufferings without judgement or Reactivity. one is present fully through out the Visscitudes of life’s journey .
Nice metaphor for emotions being like children,distracting and confusing; just Be with them moment by moment
that was amazing thank you. I believe he told a story before about a zebra at the watering hole id love to find that one as well. im very visual and he is just right for me.
Not helpful! What technique was he referring to? Lots of sound bites, no specifics, he looked quite anxious.
I believe the bus driver needs to be one who is trusted by most of the passengers or one who can work to earn trust. So perhaps the first step is to see if right one is in the driver seat. One might have to start by learning to drive a bus before having any passengers.
With respect I say this..
The bus driver can already drive the bus and knows how to.
But the range of different problems going on in our body can distract us and put us off course, where we actually need to be going/ doing / action it, everyday.
I normally stop and self nurture too, but because the severity off my traumas, I get stuck trying to save my self and follows onto the same old cycle triggers . PTSD and depression.
It makes sense to me, don’t feel guilty about going where I need to go, and just show compassion to all parts of my body and is thoughts, feelings and fears of the unknown, and teach my brain to let go of old memories that are stuck, by not stopping to interact but allow it to be as is,accept with compassion and drive to where we need to be for a healthy happy life everyday. And let the brain resolve itself the right way and stop trying to save myself. for me to just witness the happening, show compassion and move on taking charge of my life.
If the driver is missing from the seat , no one will get to their destination on time. So there’s no going to work, or going home on time to go to work the next day. I apologise for my simple language, I’m still yet to learn academic language.
I’m this story, the bus driver already knows how to drive. This is true. We all already naturally know this, but traumas caused my mind to surrender to my body. I’m this case, the kids exahusted the driver and we all got stuck and headed for disaster.
I want to thank you for your question.. it gave me a chance to listen to my own understanding of it .. I learn best by teaching as teaching is an affirmation for myself to now put it all into action.
I’m self healing my traumas. Everyday I wake up, and my body by routine remembers tramaus and equips to defend all day from no body but what’s in my memories that so strong where I get stuck. I see now why, I think I’m self nurturing I’m instead self sabotaging.
Grateful for this vid and discussion ?????❤?
Beautiful thinking. Best wishes
This is a good analogy. In my version it’s a group meeting. All parties are welcome. Everyone’s free to express their opinions and feelings, however extreme they may be.
Yet I also agree with some of the comments on trauma. With severe trauma, no one is hosting the meeting or driving the bus. The mind is overrun by volatile and extreme emotions from the past. In this case, getting help to give undivided attention for these emotions is very important. This is exactly what Dr. Levine is doing.
Thank you for this explanation. Do you have more resources you recommend on committed action? Because it’s uncharted territory when someone starts to enter more self objectivity. There seems to be a lot of frustration around going from cognitive understanding to getting the behavioral going. It’s quite a leap. Also, when the behavior/goal/values is generated/acted and it becomes a habit, but somehow gets “blown up,” there’s a mystique of amnesia there was even a behavioral plan at all, as if all the progress made gets erased. how do you help someone with a chronic self sabotage and abandonment on the behavioral side of it. It’s a thing. What is that?
I love the idea the issues are given the characteristics of children. It suggests that how we experience an issue is malleable to change given a compassionate approach is utilized, instead of hammers and punitive approach. The onus for making a difference is not all on the bus driver or therapist but is certainly the catalyst.
I would like to hear more on this.
Thanks so much.It´s a wanderful metaphor, specially for me!!!
Thank you that’s a good analysis and way of handling various situations and thoughts concerning the state of mind of some it’s always challenging when helping a person that has been so abused they see abuse coming from everyone and attack you with it remaining helpful and compassionate with a sternness that doesn’t allow the individual to walk all over you yet doesn’t intimidate or threaten them I found can lead to better outcomes for the individual who is suffering that problem and is stuck with those memories running over and over
Nicely said.
helpful, compassionate and stern…..you need all three to be effective
Thank you! Truly being self-compassionate does involve this cultivated spaciousness especially when things are very tough. Warmly Dr Jeannie Higgins (Australia)