When we begin to work through a client’s trauma history, shame can sometimes bring the therapeutic process to a standstill.
So, how do we help clients begin to unpack deep layers of shame without halting their progress?
In the clip below, Bessel van der Kolk, MD gets into a parts approach for working with trauma-induced shame (and explains how shame can be adaptive).
That’s very much we always part of what we oversee in the therapy. That’s why we always need to deal with people in parts. When people come across as very tough, you know that they are very scared of being in touch with this shameful compliance, weak part of themselves. You honor their tough parts, you go with it, and then you go, “How would that tough part take care of that little part? That shame part?” But the shame is almost, invariably, it’s a part people develop in order to protect themselves from future harm. “If I don’t do this anymore, it was my fault because I was too,” something or another. “I won’t do that anymore. And then it won’t happen to me again.” It’s an important defensive piece, but the post-traumatic piece of it, well, this is a very reasonable adaptation. You exile that shame piece of yourself and that becomes what therapy’s all about is to really meet the exiled. The parts of you that you feel too ashamed of.
And too, as I said before, this is really about going back to the original insult, the original situation that made that part that you feel so ashamed off, develop inside of yourself.
For more strategies on working with trauma-induced shame, please join us for the Advanced Master Program on the Treatment of Trauma. This week, we share strategies to ease the pain of trauma-induced shame.
You can sign up for the free broadcasts here.
Now, we’d like to hear from you. What strategies do you use for working with shame in the context of trauma? Please share in a comment below.
Wow it is so true shame being the exiled pat of yourself. For decades I had this way of living. Eventually when the pain was all engrossing I knew I had to do something different. I began a clumbsy process of experimenting with forming a relationship with my child within
I think that the self-blaming shame at being victimized can also occur on a cultural level. As a Jewish scholar, I believe that our responses to the destruction of the First and Second Temples, i.e. any semblance of political independence, were to blame ourselves for our bad behavior rather than say that empires conquered us. Both Dr. Van Der Kolk’s statements about rape victims who had some self blame and his use of the term of parts of trauma survivors being in exile got me thinking about the connections. I appreciate those insights.
This is a great video
I find even giving space for the client to notice and acknowledge the connection to shame, providing space towards the naming of shame itself is very powerful towards transforming effects of trauma into healing outcomes. Often creating a cathartic release as the client acknowledges their sense of shame verses expelling of energy to constantly hold onto and hide their internal sense of shame.
Hi just found this no idea how old it is
,About my trauma How I deal with it
Or deal with the shame I don’t know if I am dealing with it , all i know is am usually happy But like other I have bad days . My trauma is from my child hood I am 70 now so it is very old
very interesting indeed, an eye opener
Very helpful insight. Understanding shame as an adaptive and protective mechanism is liberating versus seeing it as self-judgment.