With the global pandemic closing borders, creating economic instability, and confining many to their homes, it can be hard to keep from getting overwhelmed with worry . . .
. . . especially for our clients who already struggle with anxiety.
So in the video below, Christine Padesky, PhD, Ron Siegel, PsyD, and I share three ways to help clients reduce anxiety and find some relief from ruminating thoughts – even during a time of crisis (when it’s a lot easier for anxiety to take hold in the mind).
Please have a look.
Dr. Siegel: You know, as you talk about the “what-if” and what we would do in response, I think it’s also important to keep in mind that we each have different styles of coping with these kinds of things. I was in Europe recently and had some uncertainty about how to get back to the States, and what the quarantine status would be. For me, it works better to do one day at a time: “Okay the choice now is how to get on a plane,” and my daughter was saying, “Well you have to cancel your patients, you won’t be able to see them in-person,” and my wife was saying, “I want to have a plan for when you get back about how we’re going to socially isolate,” and it was interesting to see our different coping strategies. For me, it was, “I’m going to do better to do what has to happen this hour, what happens in the next hour, and to believe in the self-efficacy to be able to tackle that.” Whereas, for other people, to have the contingency plans laid out is what’s comforting. So it brought home to me that it’s also useful to inquire for ourselves and our clients, “What’s better for you, which particular strategy suits your needs better?,” since we are all facing such radical uncertainty.
Dr. Buczynski: Couple things that you triggered from everything you said, with Christine, you talked about the “what-ifs”, I think there’s also a tendency to go into the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” stuff. “What if I would have taken my money out of the stock market or what if I wouldn’t have put it in or what if I put it in something safer?” or ‘if only’ kind of thing. Same with, perhaps, contacts and the degree to which we’ve isolated. All of that is just going into a ruminating and building up the anxiety. The other thing I would say is, think about who we can help take care of, how we can be part of someone else’s common humanity who needs looking out for. That may include people who are needed, like maybe we think about bringing them meals if we’ve got physicians or nurses in our community who are needed in the hospitals, maybe we can think about who’s healthy and able-bodied who can look after their children or can bring them meals or something so that they can stay, they’re going to be needed in a week or two if there’s a buildup in the amount of people in hospitals. There is an awful lot that we can do and I think if we can focus on compassion, we can bring out our best and be the human beings that we would most want to be.
Dr. Siegel: Yeah and I think it’s very important for us to recognize in ourselves, our clients, and everybody that that both clear thinking and compassion tend to go offline when we’re very frightened. We need to have a sort of healthy skepticism if we find ourselves spinning out of control with “what-if” fantasies, realizing, “Okay well this is what being anxious is, it’s losing the capacity to step back and think. If we’re all worried about me, and not putting our efforts into reaching out to others, that’s also what happens, compassion tends to go offline when fight-or-flight predominates. So we can just be nice to ourselves to understand that, but also to do what we can to reinforce clear thinking and compassion.
Dr. Padesky: For therapists, I think this means we also have to be compassionate toward ourselves, and therapists, I think, are going to feel really split in this time, between caring for themselves and family or friends, and caring for their clients as well. We’re going to need to take care of ourselves so that we don’t get spread too thin and also realize that we can devote part of every day to self-care, as well as caring for others.
Dr. Buczynski: Thank you, thank you. That was Dr. Christine Padesky and Dr. Ron Siegel, I’m Dr. Ruth Buczynski, we’re all licensed psychologists here in California, Massachusetts, and Connecticut. Take good care everyone, bye.
By working with clients to think through their “then what” plans, we can help them let go of their “what ifs” and stop rehearsing what could have been done differently.
And if that feels overwhelming, they might connect more with Ron’s strategy.
This is the second part of my conversation with Christine and Ron. If you’d like to see part one for some ideas about managing anxiety, particularly when patients are self-isolating, please have a look here.
Now we’d like to hear from you. What have you found most helpful for your clients who are stuck in the “what ifs” and “coulda woulda shouldas?” How has the COVID-19 pandemic affected your practice?
Please share a comment below.
I didn’t get a chance to view this earlier but am glad I did so today. This situation has gone on long enough now that we are all getting tired. Those on the “front line” are tired; those who are not able to help out on the front line are feeling guilty despite the fact that they are doing an equal amount of work in the communities. The sick are afraid of dying; the dying fear for their loved ones who may have been contacts. To many it feels like a “no win” situation and it is part of our jobs to confront these feelings with our patients, but then to learn to step back and apply the same advice to ourselves. Thank you for donating your time and wisdom to help us put things into perspective in this challenging time. It DOES help.
Stay safe; take care of yourselves.
Refreshing, because I been part of recovery program for 24 years living one day at the time. Hearing others saying that one day at the time reminded me of my belief
Thank you, good and timely information.
Thank you! This was needed and informative.
In this session I appreciated the discussion on how helping others is good for one’s own anxiety and emotional state. It fits with later remarks of Bessel about taking charge of one’s own routine and DECIDING to do things and to ORGANISE things.
I also appreciated the discussion about mental health workers with privilege considering where to put their energy and figuring a balance between selfcare and care for others while in isolation.
Thank you for your clear perspective and thought process which I appreciated and was very helpful.
Great to see Christine – Hello. I live in Surrey in the UK and I went to many of her weekend workshops at the University of London.
I hope you all keep well, warm and safe.
Pauline Powlesland, Psychotherapist, GB
This was good if one has stocks to ruminate about. I work with folks who have no savings, no job, perhaps facing eviction……..
Yea that’s about what I’m dealing with in our very rural community.
Yes, it’s extraordinary to talk about the 1% as “needing” psychological help.
Yes, I live in a large apartment complex where many hundreds of people are looking at not having funds for there next rent payment or food, let alone figuring out how to pay a therapist. Survival anxiety can be “relative” to ones previous illusions of comfort. The answer will still be a community vs individual mindset. Compassion and Clear thinking, absolute. Love your neighbor as yourself in these times.
Thank you for this, it was so useful to hear the concerns of you all and also the humanity. I am just about to start online work with clients and feel uplifted and ready to pass on these approaches. Keep grounded?
Thank you for the good advice – compassion, kindness to oneself and clear thinking will be so helpful in this crisis of Coronavirus. Thanks, David
Thank you. All comments and ideas are helpful now.
Kim Kuehner, Ph.D.,LP Colorado
Thank You!
Loved ‘clear thinking AND compassion’…and a re-mind of this is what happens when…it soothes and prompts breathing space to allow what is And to shift.
we are living an extraordinary moment of Truth of humanity…we ALL Truly Are In this Together; a curious teaching companion to ‘social isolation’..we are within the good company of the whole world.
May we each and all Be in Blessings, Expanded Breath and Well!
Thank you so much for these to the point helpful reminders. I noticed I took a deeper breath.
Jen
Thank you! Des
It helps me to catch myself with the word “catastrophizing”! I understand this to be a thinking error, and often can let go of the “what if” once I’ve labelled it.
Thank you so much for the helpful videos to help both our clients and us! Since I do child therapy in homes along with neurofeedback, I am offering zoom consults when requested and not seeing my clients face to face.
Thank you!!! Take good care of yourselves too!!
I appreciate the information about dealing with anxiety. I also appreciate Christine addressing how this is affecting therapists too! Christine put into words how I am feeling!
Thank you!
Thank you for supporting those in this community who are in turn caring for those in our own. This gift is passed on as a gift during this time of crisis.
MFT and RN
Many people have their own interpretation of religion and/or spirituality that they turn to. Meditation is one way to connect with the Devine nature of the Universe for a calm center. I think it is short-sighted to suggest only one way to accomplish this.
Thank you all for sharing those nuggets of reassurance and methods of coping.
I am amazed that no one speaks about the religious coping mechanism, that seems to me for therapists who are non-religious or who feel that they should not discuss religious ways of the culture of the client, a missed chance. Culture has taught us many ways to face tragedies, especially surrender to a loving God and a realization that one can fall back on Him, whatever happens.
Nicely expressed Teo. I am a Pastor and MFT and rely on God to minister to those who seek his calming presence.
Dennis McFadden
Thankyou so much – this was really helpful. I’m a MH Practitioner working in a British Prison.
Thank you so much Ruth, Chris, Ron for reaching out and contributing this timely segment.
It’s encouraging to be reminded we are together as psychologists/psychotherapists and we also can support one another.
Chris, I attended your workshop on GAD in Vancouver BC and taught your strategy to a patient, in the months preceding this Coronavirus crisis. I’m smiling because when we started phone visits, not only is she not anxious, she’s employed the strategy you taught us with such success that she’s a master at shifting to “Plan B!” ?
Thank you for these short clips- really useful to me as clinician and thus useful to my clients. I shall use these tips today in my sessions and spread the word online .
Thank you for the timely resources. It will be so helpful for my working with my clients in these uncertain times.
Excellent and very usefull advice
Thank you for posting the interviews with Dr. Padesky and Dr. Siegel. They contained such good reminders of what to be aware of during this time. Your comments are always helpful, as well, Dr. Buczynski. I am grateful for these short videos for my patients and myself.
Thank You! A beautiful reminder of how to slow down our reactive thinking and turn toward responsive ways to cope during this very difficult time.
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