Uncertainty is hard to live with. And the stress and fear that often accompany it can be demanding . . .
. . . especially when it comes to the nervous system.
That’s why we reached out to Deb Dana, LCSW to get her perspective on how clients can calm the nervous system when they’re feeling stressed, afraid, or alone.
In the video, Deb mentions “ventral regulation.” According to Deb there are three states of the nervous system, and ventral is the state in which people feel safe and connected.
Now let’s hear from Deb.
Curiosity is one of the emergent properties of ventral vagal, and that means that when you’re in a ventral vagal state, curiosity arises. When you’re in sympathetic or dorsal, you do not have access to your curiosity. So, when you’re in ventral and you feel some curiosity, that then increases your ventral, and it creates this beautiful feedback loop. I’m there and I feel a moment of curiosity, and then I feel more ventral and more curiosity. Right now in the world, we can get so pulled out of curiosity. We can get so pulled out of an anchor in ventral and feel sympathetically charged, “I have to do something now, I don’t know what to do, get me out of here,” or that dorsal despair. I think most people are fluctuating between the two in loops now over and over and over. The question, when you’re creating a connection plan, “What would I like to explore?” is sort of a prompt that reminds you that you do have access to ventral and that your curiosity still lives there. And in this time of our lives, I think having something written on paper that, when you read it, brings that memory of curiosity is very helpful because we can get so stuck in those other states. So, a lot of this work, the connection plan, making your social engagement continuum, any of these things that we’re doing are sort of pre-planning. You do them when you have a moment, when you feel regulated enough that you want to sit down and bring some curiosity, which then means you have enough ventral to move ahead with these things. Then you’ve done them, and you put them somewhere where you can have access to them because when you’re getting pulled out, you don’t have prefrontal cortex energy to help you. You don’t remember that, “Oh, I do have access to my curiosity.” It’s actually fun to do when you’re feeling enough curiosity to do it, and then it’s there for you to grab onto when you need it. Compassion is another emergent property of ventral, which I think comes after curiosity, so I think if we can find curiosity, then we can go to compassion, and then to self-compassion. All three of those are incredibly needed in the world right now.
If you didn’t catch every question Deb listed when she walked you through the Personal Connection Plan, we’ve got you covered.
We created a Personal Connection Plan handout that you can download here. Feel free to print it and use it with your clients.
If you’d like to hear more from Deb about the three states of the nervous system and get an exercise to help clients learn to “listen” to what their nervous system needs, you can do so here.
Now we’d like to hear from you.
What have you found helpful with clients who are feeling drained or stressed by the uncertainty that we’re living with during the pandemic? What practices have been helpful for clients who are struggling to connect with friends and family?
Please share your experiences below.
My son 25 yo decided no contact with me after mistreated me, because badly mothering him. Also he is not permitting me to see him. I miss him hugely! Unbeatable! What can I do to survive?
Thank you, Angel
Thank you so much. I’m an Arts Psychotherapist and mindfulness practitioner. I have been using Polyvagal Theory in my work with clients over these difficult times. It’s been really useful for them to map their nervous systems and become more aware of, and so more able to access, their Ventral state.
I would love to read everything you have on the subject but dislike videos.
Add DV for 22 +yrs of abusenifbines own mindset. Triggers are crazy and random. Family that was family all my kifrbuntil 40 abadone me after our mom commin denominator dies. They all have unresolved childhood issues. realizing daily my system is crazy bot knowing who it what I’m to do. At the same time I divirce a violent man. Which u didnt believe in divorce.
I’m so sure my brain and nervous system never gets to central state. .master in early childhood dev. Im constantly reading and learning brain and trauma. Having 2 teens brain developing, and confused I’m trying to help them as well you explain so much here . Realizing as well when I was religious with yoga and meditation I was much calmer. Now I am scattered and trying to learn how to be well . 8 high level therapist and learn God has been the most help
That’s awesome most like video over reading. Intriguing
Excuse auto correct errors on first post.
Dear Deb, (you and I have a mutual friend Leanna Rae) thank you for the sharing of this succinct practical application of the Polyvagal System. I work in metaphors in the sand tray normally and online I check in with my clients asking them to imagine a metaphor as to how they are right now. Their metaphors range from a playful monkey(Playstate) to a buried cockroach (Dorsal Vagal). Sometimes they have both metaphors as they move rapidly between. Then I ask them to imagine how they would like to feel. The images are usually those of trees, flowers signs of peace, and angels. By experiencing these images they can take their nervous system to a dorsal without fear. If you are interested I will send you my book on the work I do using Neurosciencewithin the metaphor.
I would love to know the name of this book! I am a neuroscientist and psychologist. Drkerr@mountainbrookwellness.com!!
I’d also love the name of your book, and to buy a copy, please.
This is so helpful to me personally, and it is great to have a simple “structured” tool to use and offer to others.
Thank you Deb.
Thank you so much, very interesting, also to know that curiosity belongs to the ventral nervous system. Lovely explained by Dana. However, at the moment I am struggling with clients who cannot meet their close ones, left alone traumas from childhood arises making them feel hopless, frustrated, worthless and desperate. I do not believe that these clients would be ready for the connectedness exercises.
Deb ‘s knowledge and the way she communicates this is most helpful. I can manage the high fluctuations in anxiety levels and panic thanks to her videos on ventral and personal connection
Thank you for sharing your personal connection plan.
It gives me much to reflect upon.
I look forward to trying it myself and with others.
I also wonder if it would be interesting to incorporate drawing or visual expression, for clients who enjoy art; once they reach they point in which curiosity is accessible. Almost like a visual mapping/ navigation to re connection customized by the individual.
I am so enjoying these suggestions and Dana provides me with a clearer understanding of the the nervous system. I also find that during these times of uncertainty, individuals gravitate to concrete tools for regulation.
So thank you!
As usual, much gratitude for short morsels of wisdom that reminds, which NICABM facilitates, so thank you! If it had been long session, I would have filed it.
Thank you so much for this! I’ve been struggling with how to help a client for the past week. Adult child of a NPD mother. Deep loneliness – the lost child in her. She has had various treatments and asked if I could provide a systematic treatment plan. With the grief and loss at this time, especially here in Nova Scotia, I hesitate to open her to the challenges of finding and nurturing that neglected child. This will provide me with a great start. Bless you.
Could you share a reference to understanding the VENTRAL nervous system??? thank you!
Thank you. Your brief, to the point words triggered some aha! moments especially as I connected in my mind the central to a hernia and an excess of weight that if my musings are accurate, could be interfering with my curiosity. Thank you! Blessings!
I love this! Polyvagal theory helps me a lot in my life. I am so glad to have the privilege to listen to Deborah Dana’s teachings online through NICABM network. It is so simply, clearly and nicely presented. Thanks to you both, Deborah and Ruth for making this happens!
P.S. I can’t wait for an upcoming complete Polyvagal training program lead by Deb Dana that I will engage in with great enthusiasm!
This was a fantastic message! I have found that supporting clients to live in the “here and now” for a few minutes at a time when they are overwhelmed is helpful. Valuing curiosity and appreciating the gift of wondering will be added to that now!
I travel from an urban area to a rural area once each week. The presents a change from urban to more rural experiences.
As someone who is isolating alone I find life to be rather like being in prison. I am isolated physically and emotionally and as a consequence my release valve is alcohol. At times I feel that all this will be too much to bear and at present I am not looking to the future. Anxiety is sky high and I do not sleep.
Tom. Oregon.
Hi Tom,
It is a tough time for sure .
I tried listening to sleep music with headset when I couldn’t sleep and it worked for me .
Lots of sleep time mysic sites.
do you have anyone you can reach out to and use FaceTime each day?
I am also doing 1 hour of volunteer tutoring with 3 high school girls . This gives me a real happy hour each day … Using messenger meeting .. very easy
Any Hobby you would like to try ?
Write back to me Tom, if you wish .
Pam
Hi Tom Reaching out to you from London. Are you able to go for a walk and look at a tree? Then maybe come back and rewatch Deb Dana’s video above what she has to say may speak to your anxiety and do print out the Personal Connection Plan and discover your connections and what you want to explore. I found it really useful and her voice very calming. Remembering that ‘this too shall pass’.
Tom, I have a lot of compassion for your situation. It sounds like you’ve gotten pulled into the anxiety bubble of catastrophe, and you’re stuck there. I found myself there about a week ago. My thoughts had SO much to do with the state I was in. I kept seeing everything crumble in my mind…and following the dreaded path of “what ifs.” But then I started making a plan, believing this crisis IS going to end. Asking myself, “What can I do right now to feel better and live? What emotional needs are not being met right now, and how can I meet those within our limited guidelines?”
But you can’t start problem-solving until your anxiety comes down, because up there you’re just in survival mode – not thinking mode. Drinking helps to calm the nerves, but that’s temporary, and not super healthy either (but no judgment…I’ve been there).
Hope is a major antidote to depression and anxiety. You said, “At present I am not looking to the future.” What if you did? And not with fear…but with hope for positive change? Add in Deb’s suggestion for curiosity. In what ways can you grow and change right now? Find purpose in this time. I’ve signed up for a few classes on Udemy.com. They run discounts all the time, and it feels great to learn something new and advance my knowledge and skills about things I’m interested in.
And BREATHE…a LOT. Diaphragm breathing to activate the parasympathetic nervous system like breathe in for 5, out for 8. One study showed that taking four full breaths per MINUTE lowered cortisol over 50% in the blood. That’s LOT, and will help lower your anxiety AND help you sleep. I hope you feel better soon. Feel free to reach out.
Lovely message, all valid. I’ve been in lockdown since 2016 or rather since the infamous CDC opioids guidelines which forced so many intractable pain patients to lose all quality of life, become housebound, and suffer intolerable constant pain… now for life. What would you suggest for this being a permanent situation? Just realize I’m commenting in the wrong little bit hope you can see this comment is I can’t repeat it again (as an example of how little it takes to flare up). Thanks in advance.