Regardless of education, experience, or intelligence, many struggle with relationships. Though the research is clear that healthy relationships can be immune enhancing, being (and staying) in a loving, intimate relationship is one of the most challenging things we do.
All sorts of difficulties in relationships are related to resentment and identification as a victim. Far too often, it seems like both parties report feeling like victims, while seeing themselves as the “reasonable one.”
Identification with the role of victim, whether accurate or not, can be harmful to health and well-being. In order to recover and move on from damaging relationships, or even to repair a wound within a viable relationship, it’s important to identify with your strengths and not your weaknesses.
Making matters worse, the victim identity is often accompanied by revenge motives, which inevitably adds to negative sentiments within the relationship.
As therapists seeing couples, our focus on the direct causes of resentment can sometimes just exacerbate the problem.
For such a complicated subject, sometimes you need to approach it from different angles.
Check out our programs on mindfulness, brain science, and trauma treatment for ideas.