When we think of perfectionism, we often think of the rewards that sometimes come with it . . .
. . . think: the respect and admiration of others, the thrill of mastering a new skill, or the sense of accomplishment after a job well done.
And when a client is reveling in these kinds of payoffs, they often can’t see the very real costs of perfectionism.
Whether they are aware of it or not, the toll perfectionism extracts can be steep.
So how do we help clients recognize that the drive to be perfect can slowly chip away at their health or relationships?
In the video below, you’ll get expert insight into the high stakes of perfectionism, including a crucial first step for how to approach it in treatment.
Take a look, it’s about 4 ½ minutes.
How do you work with a client who struggles with perfectionism?
Please share your comment below.
I began the 70% club and invite them to relax and enjoy!
Oh, there is so much room for improvement… let it be
Later
I think of perfectionism in relation to “creation” as found in the arts. In a broad sense we are all artists if only in the work of art which is our own lives; it is self expression. It is human to look for perfectionism; it is what keeps us reaching. It promotes “progress” and we are “works in progress.” It is trying to be successful in saying what we mean and meaning what we say. It can be found in a vocation, avocation, a conversation, our presentation, meditation, etc. (anything that expresses the primordial “I AM!”) where a variable attitude towards perfectionism promotes not only the success but also the satisfaction with the result (two sides of the same coin.) If we are satisfied with our creation then it has served its purpose; for each of us it is a success. If others see the work as a success then it can also be satisfying to us. It is a bit like an established norm; it stands as the benchmark for us until something better comes along. We know what is acceptable to each of us based upon our own wise and learned experience. What is acceptable to one person, might be unacceptable to another; there is no comparison here, just what is expressed and / or perceived in the most logical, harmonious and understandable way given the circumstances. Each of us is unique with our own strengths and deficiencies. Our expression is learned or intuitive just as our reaction and / or response is.
The down side of perfectionism is found in the neurotic and pathological states it creates. Some neurosis further the creative process. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” Again attitude plays a part. However, unhealthy adaptations can lead to physical and behavioral ill-health.
Ahhh, perfectionism!
I remember a rather amusing little snippet… one of the occasionally quoted examples of ‘that which is perfect’ – Persian rugs. But within the example came a little piece of ‘Eastern Wisdom’. And that was, that the craftsman making the rug should most certainly strive for perfection, but that he should always be sure that the rug should contain at least one faulty stitch. Why? Well, perhaps a warning about perfectionism – ”Only Allah can make something that is perfect’… 🙂
Remove “SHOULDS” from parenting and schools. It starts from stages of development that no parent seems to know. Inner light of the child are ignored and conditions of worth are placed on the child by all those around them full of their own shoulds. What chance did we have with that kind of discipline. It is so nice to do parenting groups to help parents realize this but usually the damage is done and repair is all that exists and a sudden put down starts the whole imbalance start again. Telling the client to find that inner child is not worthless work for them. I think is it imperative and really hard work which is sad since there is so much negative thinking that goes into these wonderful children. Let us all harness it and thanks for the topic. That stage of industry is severely put down as we grow and needs to be honored. It is never too late and up to us all to help ourself and those we help as well. Three cheers for our mistakes!!
I find a lot of my clients and patients who belong to the population I researched at The University of Melbourne entitled: “Lives Unseen: Unacknowledged Trauma of Non-disordered, Competent Adult Children Of Parents with a Severe Mental Illness” (Google my name: Suzette Misrachi and you’ll get it) have been parentified. These parentified individuals often also suffer from perfectionism. If people are interested in my brief article on “Parentification” then Googling my name will also get you there, or try https://medium.com/@suzette.misrachi The way I work with clients/patients who struggle with perfectionism is by first offering them some psychoeducation around certain key, relevant concepts before looking at the origins of their perfectionism which may have led to their desire to become more perfect. That would be my usual starting point. However, since I am not “perfect” I don’t always get it right!