As practitioners, we’re well-acquainted with the fight, flight, freeze response – that automatic response that evolved to protect us from external threats or danger.
But what happens when the threat is internal? When the threat is painful emotions or distress?
Our response can still be automatic, and for many clients it can often be to fight.
But when ‘fight’ is how a client handles difficult emotions, the fight moves to within them. It can get expressed as self-criticism and self-blame – and that can lead to shame.
No longer are they only feeling bad, but they believe they are bad . . . and something’s wrong with them.
As a practitioner, you know how shame can trap clients in unending pain and suffering.
So what if you could give them a quick and simple practice to start them down the path to healing?
Well, check out the video below – Paul Gilbert, PhD shares the practice he uses to help clients understand how the mind works . . . and how that understanding can be transformative.
Take a look – it’s about 5 ½ minutes:
Dr. Gilbert’s practice is powerful because it can set the stage for de-pathologizing and reducing the shame caused by self-criticism and blame.
We’ll be getting into several other key compassion practices you can use in your work with clients in this week’s session in The Clinical Application of Compassion program.
You can watch the broadcast for free when you sign up right here.
But for now, I’d like to hear from you. How might this or other compassion practices help your clients?
I have to disagree with the “we haven’t chosen any of it” POV. I appreciate the interplay between DNA, circumstances, and neurophysiology, and I agree that some things are completely out of my (or a client’s) control. But a very big part of healing is growing in our capacities to choose and to create the self we can be in spite of the circumstances. Content IS important because abused persons also make brilliantly courageous and caring/compassionate choices in the face of abuse. They become someone (they create content) in light of these choices. Perhaps hyperbole in the idea that “we didn’t choose any of it”, is necessary at some points in therapy but to continue this line as foundational and extensive seems to me to be counterproductive, victim mindset-producing, and even a potentially prime source of shame. Saying something like: “there’s so very much we don’t choose/never chose and so much we are still free to learn to choose” is an approach I would prefer. What seems necessary is to give clients a sense that with healing (and healthy inner and outer contexts or milieus) new choices and patterns of choices (and so, changing content or becoming the self one CAN become) are possible and important.
This is a starting point to help alleviate shame not to just give up and say there’s nothing I can do. I find many of the “metaphysical” ideas to be victim-blaming and shame inducing. The idea that you create everything that has happened to you. It’s an idea that appeals to privileged people because it alleviates responsibility for others. This video does not eliminate choice but invites compassion for where you are now so that you then can make choices from a better place.
Neat explanation of the interplay between the power of every human being’s genetic, environmental and historical inheritance of brain development and function, and our ultimate conscious choice and responsibility by virtue of our frontal lobes
What a wonderful way to look at our actions and the way our brains work. So much about the brain seems so complicated and this is such an “ah ha!” thought. And one I can accept on a conscious level.
Paul Gilbert’s explanation allowed me to take a deep satisfying breath of relief. I have badgered myself over incidents in my life that I’ve initiated or of which I became a victim: a narrative of shame and incongruity for the icon I had been taught to emulate as a Catholic. No explanation of God’s forgiveness wiped clean the incessant feeling of guilt and recrimination for my errors. Thank you, Ruth and Paul, for this opening to freedom.
I read your message, and I can not stop thinking how a person can carry so much guilt. Is it another person’s guilt that you take upon yourself? This is twice too much of “usefulness” even for a child to bear. Sadly said, so much shame!
Thank you Dr. Buczynski for the statement I am in awe to see the pride in you and that keeps the profession strong and supported. Danke sehr!
Spot on – a really useful way of describing a common problem in terms clients can understand. Thank you.
Totally mind blowing… this is the first time I hear about this stuff…very new to me
simple but profound Truth/Concept that Dr.Gilbert puts forward.
Obsession with “Control” is the disease of modern man generating enormous amount of Angst.
Real word generating this state by Mind is ‘Dukkha’ in Budhist Psychology .
Total acceptance of of it may be called ? ‘Surrendering ‘ without judgement or Blaming or Shaming . Just As Is. (=Reality )
Only then one can proceed forward.
Thanks Immensely
I have a client who would benefit from this approach. He has a very fixed idea of who he is and that It cannot be changed. We have looked at his attachment history which has revealed a lot but Dr Gilbert’s idea of how a different background would result in a different person is liberating. However I often come across clients who understand the concept but are unable to ‘own’ it. Is this comon?
Absolutely , i agree
I’m here to learn to help disentangle the anger, sadness and resentment I see in people, making their suffering perpetual. Dr. Gilbert was excellent, he was so concise and helpful in the understanding of how we are not the separate absolute selves that we often insist upon feeling we are. We can end the blame and self blame and open up, to become aware, and fully able to take responsibility for what we do and can do in our lives.
Very clear and helpful! Thank you!
I love the way Dr. Gilbert talkes . So human, so smiling, and what he says reminds me of Eckhart Tolle. We are COnsciouness, the rest is chosen “for us” and we have to find back to this nonjudging, non blaming, inner Observer of our lifestory .. being aware that we are LIFE itself, not the momentary, always changing lifestory . Merci beaucoup; INdeed .. one is eager to hear more .
Very refreshing conceptualization! Thank you for sharing. I think quite a few of my clients will find this approach very liberating! Will definitely incorporate in my sessions this week!
This is so helpful. I love how Dr Gilbert speaks. Can’t wait to hear more.
I am gaining such important knowledge about identifying compassionate skills in myself and tapping in to my client’s compassion and helping them identify and work with themselves. Shame work is so important, what a powerful way to explain to clients!! I wonder if clients get stuck in “yes but look what happened to me…” and is it the “responsibility piece as well as other concepts like neuroplasticity, “Teflon brain” and mindfulness practices that help clients get out of their story when stuck in it? Thank you for the terrific webinars …I learn so much that’s helpful with my work!!
Dr. Gilbert has shown this idea to be so simple everybody can get it. While at the same time simply accepting that so many people don’t. It is simple but profound.
Rather than analyzing why this knowable fact has eluded the person, (why they bought into the blame game), he just educates the person on the simple truth and it changes there whole perspective.
All I would add is that although I have learned this idea before, every time I hear it again it makes me feel good. More loving, more happy, more free.
Simple but profound truths need to be remembered over and over regularly in order for the brain to learn them and the person to live them.
Yes , that was helpful!!
Thank you for that – simple and clear and shifts from blame to awareness and possibilities!
Very helpful! Dr. Gilbert explains this very well.