For many parents, the daily stress of raising a family during the pandemic is leading to high levels of burnout.
You might have a client, friend or family member who’s feeling overwhelmed – or maybe you’re feeling the strain yourself.
So in the video below, Lynn Lyons, LICSW, shares some ideas for parents to help cut through the stress and create moments of joy in their families.
Have a listen.
If your kids are eating Ring Dings three meals a day, who cares? If the sleep schedule is wackadoodle, don’t worry about it. If your kids are in your bed with you, well, that’s just the way it’s going to be. That was probably helpful at the beginning when things felt so chaotic and there was a lot of crisis, but what I’ve been talking to families about now is that even in the midst of this, how can we return to some routine and ritual so that things can feel normal? One of the questions I am posing to parents is to pay attention to any bad habits that you think slipped in. If we’re talking about your energy, if we’re talking about getting through the day, all the things that you have to manage, all of that permission that we gave ourselves as parents at the beginning of this is not a good long-term strategy.
So, when parents are feeling really worn out, what have you let go of that makes your family run smoothly? Have you let go of bedtimes? Do you make sure that your kids are getting into bed at a certain time so you can have that evening time to yourself? If you’re all in the house together and your kids are staying up until 11 o’clock while they’re six years old, you’re missing out on some valuable time. Putting that structure and routine back in place has been really important for families.
The other thing that I have been talking about so consistently is how do we create joy in the midst of all of this despair? Children need to see parents having moments of joy. Parents need to be silly and playful; it’s going to help them too. It’s so easy to get caught up in everything that’s going on around us. It feels like there’s more bad news every day, isn’t there? Human beings are pretty good, even in the midst of suffering, at pulling up moments of joy, and our kids really depend on that from us.
My mom sent me a video. My dad, who’s 79, was blasting his ’50s music, and he was vacuuming. So, he’s in their house, he’s blasting his ’50s music, and he’s dancing while he’s vacuuming. I am in my 50s, and my dad is 79. Even just watching my dad be joyful made me have this sense that things were going to be okay. When I watched that clip, I thought, “I need to make sure that I am telling parents this.” Moments of joy on your face, moments of silliness, kids seeing you laugh, kids seeing you sing, kids seeing you dance in the kitchen — any little moment that we can offer our children during this, we need it to sustain us. This has been a long haul. I know that as a parent, when parents are watching their children have delight in their faces, it just lifts everybody up. It’s not a solution for the economic stuff. It’s not a solution for a lost job; it’s not a solution for oppression and racism, nor is it a solution for, “When is the vaccine coming out and should we even get it?” It’s not a solution for any of that, but these are the moments that kids are going to remember. These are the moments that kids need so that they don’t get pulled down into the despair with us.
According to Lynn, little moments like the one she described can have a big impact on both parents and children alike.
So now we’d like to hear from you. If you have clients who are struggling as parents during this difficult time, how are you working with them? Or if you are a parent yourself, what are you doing to reduce stress and bring joy into family life? Let us know in the comments below.
If you found this helpful, here are a few more resources you might be interested in:
How Feeling “Never Good Enough” Can Get Passed Down Through Generations, with Lynn Lyons, LICSW
How PTSD Can Change Children’s Brains
Making Telehealth Work for Clients in a Busy Home – Working with Parents During Quarantine
I think that Lynn made a good point. Moments of joy aren’t going to fix all the problems, but they are like antidotes to what is making us feel bad. Children by and large trust their parents and if they see their parent(s) lighthearted they feel safer. Mom/Dadfeel ok so we must be ok. Thanks for the refreshing reminder!
I think that Lynn made a good point. Moments of joy aren’t going to fix all the problems, but they are like antidotes to what is making us feel bad. Children by and large trust their parents and if they see their parent(s) lighthearted they feel safer. Mom/Dadfeel ok so we must be ok. Thanks for the refreshing reminder!
Fantastic ideas, thank you very much.
We would love to see your father dancing with the vacuum cleaner…lol.
I smell a viral video 4 sure. If your dad is ready for his 15 minutes of fame….. ??? Can we see it?
So very true– thanks for sharing the video!
mag. Irmina Rakun Alif, licensed Emotionally focused therapist
I completely agree with Lynn, I am very glad that she shared this useful video with us :).
All good advice. concerns have been support required for a blended family challenges. Son with his 2nd partner and 3 boys. 2 children (2 to 5yrs) always in bed on time and getting their naps not an issue. Problem is that of living in lockdown with pubescent16 year old son (joint parenting/different mother) who had started to sexually invade his younger half brothers space prior to pandemic. Since lockdown his presence in the household continues to be challenging…
Joen Fagan, Ph.D.
Look for moments, exchanges, responses where you can say YES! instead of ok…..
Can we get some ice cream? Let’s pick some flowers. Look at that silly dog.
Enthusiasm brings life with it and connection.
Feels (somehow!) like along the lines of catching kids doing something kind or cool and acknowledging it—have been trying not to respond to less-than-optimal actions by our 12-year-old son, so it’s more peaceful, which makes us all gladder and is self-perpetuating. Harmony is a wondrous thing and makes the days much better. The unwanted behavior is greatly reduced—and cooperation blooms. Turns out he didn’t really like being disagreeable but was trying to maintain some power amid stress and uncertainty.
Loved the tip!
Living in Los Angeles where we have been on lockdown for almost a year is becoming very difficult. With so many people, it has often been unsafe to go to a park or a hike because of the crowds. I want to get my children outside, doing something together. Trying to provide a positive and yet very consistent oversight to the online school, takes up a lot of time though. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks we can find locations to visit that won’t be too crowded and will revive our spirit.
.. just driving a different way home….. with crazy music playing – singing and car dancing…… Just listening to this makes me weep – as ‘parenting’ in my case involves the reverse role of being there for a family member in a care facility with ‘extreme’ and often one size (does not) fit all regulations. This reminds me to ‘play the JOY card’ and there are many ways to do that…. and really that gift of silliness is the innocents of the essence of JOY itself. I blew that moment yesterday….. thanks for the reminder…….
We play our son’s imaginary game 3 times a day for 20 min where we all get to be in his world ( child state) He comes up with really funny scenarios and he gets to be the leader and we follow. Self care for us parents comes when we stick to our routine and put him in bed before 8pm. Luckily we had build a structure prior to COVID so it wasn’t too hard to stick with it. Or, I send my husband and 10 year old son out for outings together so I can rest and relax. It’s about understanding all of our needs and listening to each other. It doesn’t mean that it’s still going to be easy. It hasn’t. My son and I have been struggling from anxiety so we are trying to make the best out of this. Good luck with all of you mama’s and papa’s.
A very helpful reminder. Having snacks under the sun gathered with the family also lifts our mood.
Thank you for reminding us how important is to bring joyfullness into our family life! Having little moments of joy with our kids or while doing the house cores can make a big differece and have a great impact on what they remember, as you’ve just said! I think it is important to remember this to our clients, also!