Anger is a normal (and often necessary) emotion.
But when tempers flare and rage ensues, our clients’ relationships suffer, their stress levels skyrocket, and reactivity simply takes over.
So how can people shift out of anger once the fuse is lit?
In the video below, Marsha Linehan, PhD will share a practical skill to help clients defuse anger before it escalates beyond control.
Take a look – it’s about 2 ½ minutes.
Marsha’s strategy is practical, it’s simple, and it’s something clients can use right away, in almost any situation where anger threatens to boil over.
This video was taken from the Next Level Practitioner training program where members receive a daily video like this from one of the top 25 experts in our field. That program is not open for new members right now, but if you want to be on a waiting list in case it opens up, please click here.
Now we’d like to hear from you. What have you found to be effective in working with a client’s anger?
Please leave a comment below.
I have used this for years on myself and have no idea why I ever started it. I have asked clients for two years now to use this to help with breathing, calming down, and anger. Never knew it had a label, it has worked on myself and clients definitely say they feel the benefits.
Nice. I use prayer position and it has a similar effect but will hand is more subtle
I cannot wait to use this. Will let you know when the next client needs this
A very good tip that I’ll be trying in the future.
I may use mental skills – take a step back, acknowledge the feeling, even welcome it, to give space to your brain.
Also body skills such as breath focus, hand on your heart etc.
I really like this simple bodily gesture, and can think of some clients who could really use this straightaway.
Thank you.
I follow teachings of 2 Buddhist/yogic schools on this:
1) Acknowledge that you are angry. Drop the object of your anger and focus on the feeling as you focus on the feeling it will dissapate. Then you can deal with the situation as is required. This requires repeated practice until it becomes habit. If needed you can act angry, but without your personal emotions commanding the situation.
2) Embrass your anger as if it is your baby. “My little anger I am sorry things didn’t go your way…” This one has a self-compassion element.
Both have an increased awareness aspect.
so practical! Thank you
I notice it and embrace it lovingly or mindfully with my attention and it allows it to be and pass. If my anger is really strong it may take longer and I may need to spend time with myself to understand and emphasize with myself and my needs that were not met to deescalate my anger. Bringing self understanding helps when my anger is strong or persistent and opens my heart and a feeling o self compassion.
http://www.utne.com/mind-and-body/mudras-hand-positions-change-state-of-mind
I tried have now tried this with clients who report that it defused the anger when they were thinking about an anger episode. Then I had them think of other episodes and watch me make willing hands without doing it themselves. This also had a calming effect. I tried this inspired by recently-watched deescalation tutorial videos. I recognized after watching Dr. Linehan that the deescalation trainers approached agitated patents with willing hands, sometimes keeping them up and in front of them the whole conversation. So willing hands may also be a resource for family members of an anger-prone person.
I believe that the brain needs 10 seconds to allow the frontal lobe to reconnect and allow our executive functions to kick in, therefore anything that distracts us from our anger for those 10 seconds can work. The old adage of count to 10 or doing the willing hands can provide this distraction.
I find it very interesting as we use deep breathing as a way to calm oneself down, this practical skill of defusing anger goes a big step as client is more easy and willing to try this. This is because client does not have to do much but just putting their hands out and down.
I definitely will try this with my clients.
I was already angry at the time I read the post and was amazed to experience how the body works so well in conjunction with emotions. Those “willing hands” sent a message that totally calmed me to the point I was able re-enter the conversation, have a very good discussion and not experience anger. Tried it the next day to avert agitation and it worked again. I’m teaching this and walking around with “willing hands” – my amygdala, hypothalamus, pituitary, and adrenal glands are thanking me already……..!!!!
I’m thanking Dr. Linehan!
This is an easy and quick way to help children with their anger issues. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for the video-very useful skill
How does Martha frame the concept “willing Hands? P.Reeves
Finally, something so simple that even angry people can learn to remember it under pressure. It feels like acceptance and surrender. Also reminds me of Hakomi and “riding the rapids,” in which a part is passionately enraged and railing on for usually not more than 5-10 minutes. So, I see that it works both ways–when we’re angry or when faced with angry others. Thank you so much Dr. Linehan!
Ruth and Marsha, Thanks for this short and insightful video. I practice Tai-Chi and one of the first moves we learn is to bend-knees slightly, so the person feels grounded. Then we start taking deep-breaths and along with this deep-breath we start raising our hands very slowly, and we breath-in with palms open and fingers extended out. And as we exhale – the hands go down slowly, palms open, and end up next to our bodies, fingers extended yet relaxed. I teach this to many of my clients and they respond well to this slow meditative breath and movement. This “Willing-Hands” exercise reminds me of this Tai-Chi step because when hands are open and relaxed, the elbows, shoulders, and neck also relax, thus making it easier to take deep breaths, which cleanse the mind of negative thoughts. Also, the movement of Willing-Hands looks as if a person is ready to receive a gift, and that gift is reduced anger and becoming calmer. I will add the Willing-Hands as my gift to my clients.
Interesting way of reducing anger. The method of counting to 10 slowly and delibetately can also help in producing calmess when a client is angry. This engages the brain and other parts of the body.
Very interesting . I shall try this with my angry clients.
I teach my clients to shake their anger out, literally shaking the adrenaline out of their whole body and then hugggibg themselves to release oxytocin in an attempt to rebalance the stress hormones and create equilibrium. It’s very good for anxiety too.
However it’s not always convenient in public places to carry out this strategy. So Marsha’s strategy I will certainly use myself and pass on to my clients.
Thank you !
Joanne Freeman
Thank you Marsha, and Thank you Ruth for bringing us to this video. I am going to use this with a young man who is plagued by anxiety and severe panic response, which is equal to extreme and unbridled anger. In these situations the anger doesn’t well up and build to a climax; it is a nano-second response to sensory input of noise on the street, or a perceived look from a person as they pass, and and immediatly it is of flood gates or damn bursting proportion… I will try to teach this, but Marsha did mention how you might engage a person to prepare – and in a case such as this there is no ‘situation assessment’ phase.
It is a spiritual exercise, and perhaps to ask a person to begin the day with deep breathing by an open window, listening to the birds, or the wind and rain, with Willing Hands beside them, to begin to feel the benefit in a non threat situation, and for this young man to begin his walking outside in the Willing Hands position! Buona Pasqua! CM
Yes sounds useful. Interested to see how it works.
Very interesting!
I have a client who’s primary issue is anger…I will try this! Athabjs tiu Marsha!
Dahna
I meant thank you Marsha! But couldn’t see the text lol
I found this Marsha’s suggested strategy of the willing hands to be so simple and hopefully effective to help diffuse a client’s or anyone’s anger. It would have been nice to see an actual video of an angry person employing this technique and to watch how effective actually was.
I found this extremely interesting and tried it out as I was watching the video. I wasn’t angry at the time but experienced a high level of calm by assuming the positions. I will experiment with this in sessions with my clients if they go into overwhelm or who suffer with anxiety/panic and ask if it is helpful. Thank you so much for this.
Warm Regards
marie Winfield
Re: Wiling Hands; the mind-body connection is effectively dealt with in this simple, effective way. But there are moments when this gesture; “willing hands” is not possible eg. while driving. In those cases, I suggest learning to practice patience, which is not easy, but with a bit of encouragement, someone can be reminded that being angry at the “bad driver” gets us nowhere. What helps? Remembering there will always be someone or something that gets in our way. Living Life on Life’s terms, i guess.
Hi Teya! Deep breathing while driving is a good technique. Just don’t close your eyes!!