As practitioners, we know how transformative self-compassion can be – especially when it comes to healing shame.
But here’s the thing – when a client is deeply rooted in shame, the very idea of being kind to themselves can feel undeserved and uncomfortable, even unnatural.
So what if we could give them a step-by-step process to help them move beyond these common blocks to self-compassion?
Below, we created a free tool for practitioners to share with clients that breaks down the 5 key steps for transforming shame with self-compassion.
Click the image to enlarge
Step 1: Understand “The Nature of Shame”
Shame is normal. Shame is the brain’s way of dealing with the threat of disconnection.
Step 2: Label Shame
Label shame for what it is: an emotion. Giving it a name helps you get some distance between you and the emotion
Step 3: Replace Judgement With Curiosity
Try to hold your experience of shame with curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity about your emotions can hep you shift into a more caring and understanding perspective.
Step 4: Acknowledge your Inner Critic
It’s helpful to be aware that your inner critic often likes to amplify your shame, Remind your inner critic that you are a work in progress, trying to navigate the best you can.
Step 5: Practice What is Helpful, Not Harmful
Try to speak to yourself like you would a friend. Can you ask yourself what actions would be helpful for recovering from this experience, rather than actions that might perpetuate it? If you are working on correcting an action, can you offer yourself constructive correction rather than shaming self-attack.
If you’d like to print a copy to share, please click here: Color or Print-friendly
(Please be sure to include the copyright information. We put a lot of work into creating these resources for you. Thanks!)
You can hear more about how to transform shame with self-compassion in the Clinical Application of Compassion program.
You’ll get insights from Paul Gilbert, PhD; Kristin Neff, PhD; Deborah Lee, DClinPsy; Christopher Germer, PhD; Jack Kornfield, PhD; Dennis Tirch, PhD and several other top experts in the field.
Now we’d like to hear from you. What have you found useful in helping clients foster self-compassion?
Please leave a comment below.
Thank you. The graphic was worth all your hard work. It will help me to turn my world around.
Thank you very helpful info graphic and makes a lot of sense .
can someone please explain #3? thank you
You could watch DrKirstin Neff’s talk on TEDx about selfcompassion versus self esteem where she explains curiosity. This might help understand #3. It’s terminology. Good luck. Practicing Self compassion has changed me.
Many thanks, I work with homeless people on the streets of London. Many of the people have shame that is holding them back, This tool is just what I have been looking for!!
I have in the past the “wrongly” thinking that homeless persons became so not by fatality because the system offers support and assistance. So was
it a choice to feel ashamed
This is really helpful.
Many thanks
Joanna
interesting
very interesting indeed
Thanks 🙂 the publications are great!
Thank you for this one and other ones you have and will provide in the future. jerry blume
Karen Barlow, Counsellor, Australia.
I am loving the idea of Compassion Focussed Therapy. This talk about being your own mentor – Compassionate Other – is delightful.
I worked with a client today who deals with shame and the inner critic on a daily basis and self-harms in a variety of ways and has done for many years. The usual Mental Health response is to focus on the self-harm and blame and she has found this to be ineffective and hurtful.
As I talked to her about self-compassion she hung her head and had tears in her eyes. Words of kindness for her are rare.
Since seeing her, I have listened to this short talk.
I can’t wait to talk to her about constructing her ‘Compassionate Other’. I love CFT!!!
Beautiful! I have some found self-compassion to be extremely powerful with my clients. It’s really lovely to see the look on someone’s face when they realize they don’t have to hate themselves, they can actually learn to appreciate themselves and treat themselves kindly.
Thanks much for posting this diagram. The older I am getting, the more I need visual
pictures to explain and remember strategies.
This infographic is very helpful.
Visual is very powerful! Thank you.
Simple, to the point and very useful and helpful., Well done. Thanks for sharing.
Very useful, thank you!
Thanks for the infographic. I can use it today. Keeping a folder is my aim for folks who are losing their insurance faster than I have seen in all my years of counseling. It is great to assure they have something to hold onto until things stabalize. I loan books whenever I can. These handouts they have in their possession stirs guidance and hope. For years I have teased clients to just open up their folder and will probably the one they open to will be the one handout they need at the time. This reminded me of that direction. It is helpful and provides them an avenue for staying present and mindful. People in the workforce use them often or hang them on thier refrigerator for daily guidance. Your handouts are reaching many in need even though I might be hurting the tree population. Ha
Thank you for this diagram. It would be useful for processing other emotions, as well. I do find that very often my clients have great difficulty being compassionate with themselves. This will help.
Thank you so much for making this diagram understandable and easy to follow with the client.
Thank you for providing this! Hot off the press, I will use this today with my clients!
Thank you for providing recent infographics. They have been very helpful.
Tres bien, i;ve always like chart to summarize and simplify. Thank you very much
I really like your graphics, very clear and attractive to look at. thank you for considering providing this
Wonderful!!!
Really useful – I often talk to clients about exactly these steps, but it is great to have such a good info graphic- thank you
Thank you for the very informative and useful information and tools.
This is fabulous!!!
Metta
As an addictions practioner and life coach, I have found the resources that NICABM delivers, to be quite usefull in my treatment modalities! Thank you for sharing this valuable information so that other people may benefit from their place in life, to one of recovery, vibrancy, self love and the courage to share their story with others!
Thank you!
Tame Your Dragons Coaching, Addictions & Family coaching
Thanks you so much for the generous handouts and videos that are so helpful. I have purchased different trainings through NICABM and intend to the future, but keeping in touch with your valuable education resources is invaluable for myself and clients. Stefanie
This info graphic is perfect. I can think of many people I have worked with that it would help.
Also it is a good framework for the integrative ‘client led’ style I adopt.
You are a great source of support to my practice and I’m grateful.
Thanks a lot for another great resource, this will be very helpful for all my clients! I believe there is shame underneath every issue we have in life. It’s the way fear manifests in a social context.
Best wishes,
Tamara
Shame is “the middle name” of most of my clients. Shame also belongs to the population I researched at The University of Melbourne entitled: “Lives Unseen: Unacknowledged Trauma of Non-disordered, Competent Adult Children Of Parents with a Severe Mental Illness” (Google my name: Suzette Misrachi and you’ll get it). The individuals who visit my practice and whom I researched are challenged by any kind of loving self acceptance towards amelioration of shame. Often it’s because they were heavily criticized by their attachment figures and “parentified” (see my short article on this, including on “shame”, in medium.com).
This is an excellent diagram! I will most certainly be using it and elaborating on it as it fits in with each of the individuals I see. Thank you all so very much!
Very useful explanation and resource when working with the emotion of Shame. Thank you.
Warmly
Amalia
Excellent visual for clients, and so simple. Thank you.
This is very helpful and easy to apply infografic. I will use it for myself as a reminder and I will also show and explain about it to my clients who needs to transfer shame. Thank you for your efforts!!
This is very validating! I had a client today who is filled with shame due to an affair and I recommended she do the things listed on the 5 Step Poster. Thank you so much!!
Best,
Kathy Hardie-Williams M.Ed MS NCC LPC LMFT
What would be the “corresponding corrections” that you have used here? How did it turn out?