When clients are feeling out of control, a common coping strategy is to focus on the things that they still can control.
But according to Kelly McGonigal, PhD, what people want more than a sense of control is a sense of hope and positive influence.
So how can we help our clients change their focus? In the video below, Kelly will share her 3-step strategy for helping people manage uncertainty. She’ll also get into the one key shift that can help clients find a wiser, more compassionate perspective on their situation.
We are facing challenging times. The work that we do feels more important than ever, especially as we help people not only cope with uncertainty, but also make choices consistent with who they want to be.
How will you use what you just heard in your practice? Please let us know in the comments below.
I am a “rejected” parent in a Parent Alienation situation and this helps me so much! It’s the extreme where after 22 years of devoted engaged and super fun parenting my children don’t feel “safe” enough to receive a phone call from me. The loss of my relationship with my children is only outpaced by my worry about the destructive impact on my kids. So grateful to receive your message this morning Affirm your identity: What can I choose: Acting within my character. Al Anons 3 c’s I alone didn’t cause, I can not control and i alone can not cure this situation… Thank you for giving me inspiration to help anchor the pain.
Yes, very timely and very helpful. Thanks for sharing this with us Ruth.
Take good care all.
Maybe it’s your fault!
Patients who may benefit from factual can be directed to http://www.cdc.gov/COVID19
for up to date facts and, if they choose, a short survey to screen symptoms that will lead to recommendations.
I really like the concept of asking “What can you choose?” This increases the awareness of our internal resources. Even if a person is choosing “surrender” or “acceptance” it highlights the self-efficacy involved in that process and a sort of ‘team work’ with something that’s outside of themselves. Thank you.
I listened to this three times, and took notes….very profound and meaningful and spot on good advice for these times. After I contemplated these points, I realized how many implications they have in so many situations!!
Thanks to Kelly and NICABM for sharing. As a mom who lost a young adult daughter to suicide in 2005, these are issues I’ve struggled with for years.
So very useful to think about choice rather than control.
Thank you for sharing. I will be able to bring the awareness to some of my clients that are having difficulties in uncertainty in their life.
Wilma
Thank you this is so helpful, clear and concise information and guidance that makes me feel more supported to go and run the staff reflections groups for nursing staff with older adults and end of life care in the NHS who are under enormous stress, and give me some tools and reduces my anxiety that this is greater than us all.
The statement ” I alone am not the cause… I alone cannot resolve…” is so powerful. It allows us to be free from frantic efforts to ensure the safety of those we love, and lets us plan to do the best we can with whatever presents.
Nice reframing Kelley, seems like a gentle stroll from the threat center to the soothing center through self acceptance and compassion.
Love how complexity is always mediated by simplicity. I found the reframing of the question of what can I control – to what can I choose so inciteful. Many thanks for sharing.
So helpful to be reminded that what is so often the cause of pain is the need to try and avoid it.
Hi – I love it – it’s really useful – thank you – to look at it all + not block areas of it is useful – 🌼✨
Wonderful! Thank you so much. I will share this with my clients – and try myself. People really need this information now.
Thank you, Ruth, for taking time to find this video and the wonderful advice Kelly has to share! I found it to be a great reminder, and it will be incredibly helpful in interacting with clients during this challenging time.
THIS IS SUCH A HELPFUL WAY TO FRAME THINGS IN OUR CURRENT CLIMATE OF FEAR. AND GIVEN THAT IT’S A TWO STEP PROCESS: 1) WHAT DO I CHOOSE, AND 2) “I ALONE DID NOT CAUSE THIS” IT CAN BE EASILY CALLED TO MIND. THOUGH IT IS NOT AN EASY OR SUPERFICIAL PROCESS
This is so helpful! Thank you. These are useful perspectives for mental health professionals too – we can’t control this situation, but we can choose who we want I be in this crisis, and we can bring compassion both to our clients and to ourselves. We’re all in this together. Take care everyone
Thanks so much for sharing that post. I found it extremely helpful. I also really appreciate the spirit in which it was shared. It’s true, many things are bigger than we are ( and we may not realise this) and it’s a great feeling to be supported by a community that is devoted to helping clients resolve what they are unable to resolve on their own…….And to help clinicians become aware of those things that they need to ask others for help to resolve! A nice piece of clarity to start the day with!
Great timing to put this out there. Great way to simplify what can be overwhelming. Many thanks
In these times of isolation when we clinicians are scrambling to help our clients I am grateful for this amazing tool. Thank you.
Thank you for this timely and wise perspective. Very helpful and centering in these uneasy, vulnerable days.
A great 3 step strategy, to use in a session, that could even be extended. It’s interesting the illusion of control we have, when most of the time lots of things are uncertain and in constant flux. Currently this is on a global scale – unprecedented !
Choosing how to view this and what to do/bring to the table is a neat fix.
Right now in the present we can choose lots of things:
To actually feel more of a sense of freedom in this turmoil to be able to:
Pause, slow down, breath, relax, reflect
Ring someone and actually speak to them, write a letter/postcard
Create a sense of community
Help another/be compassionate
Catch up on reading that book, music, movies, mindful colouring
Re-visit your goals for life in different areas
Tidy that cupboard out – sense of accomplishment
There is so much more – embrace the uncertainty and connect with others.
Many thanks for offering help and support during this uncertain time.
I would like to add a few more strategies as I had much worse life experiences then pandemic.It was surviving genocide.Pandemic is was,pandemic hatred.
1.I suggest people to think of times they survived that was terrible but they made it.
2.How can you help others and use your strength to do it?You are better off then many others.
Right now,for example,contact is important when people are isolated.
3.How can you make use of this situation for yourself?
You have time and you are well.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Excellent and SO timely. Thank you for the replay.
A nice perspective which has compassion.
Thank you for this informative, brief but clear information regarding the current situation we all face in this time of uncertainty. I found the third stage of taking control by making clear choices about what you want to accomplish when you are feeling out of control to be very helpful. It is a great way to reframe and think about what you can do during these difficult times. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention.
Very helpful thank you
Cynthia Garrett LMHC
Thanks for this – very timely. Especially Kelly’s advice about acknowledging that this situation is bigger than me and reframing the focus from control to choice. Stay well
Thanks for sharing this helpful advice
Thank you Ruth and Kelly,
I work in an Australian school and students have never felt more uncertain than with the events caused by COVID-19.
I will work towards:
-affirming their identities as students and what they can bring to the situations around them, and perhaps too, exploring what they are learning about themselves in the wake of such challenges
-encouraging them to explore and express their feelings in creative new ways
-inviting students to identify choices they can make to reaffirm their identities (as students) and the steps they can take to reinforce their choices: asking for help, finding resources, learning how to learn differently (ie remote access learning)
-bringing to awareness a philosophical perspective about how much can be controlled and how we can exercise control over ourselves even when our circumstances are uncertain.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor Frankl.
Jules Freeman
Thank you for this clear strategy and compact presentation. What I found especially helpful and will use with parents in times of crisis was the first point : “Affirm their identity”. Wishing health and resilience to all from Athens, Greece!
Thanks Ruth!! A welcome piece of insight I can use and share with my clients and myself under current circumstances.
Marsha
Thank you for that insight during this time of uncertainty. A welcome video as I try and get through my day. It was helpful personally and professionally.
Marsha
Thank you for sharing
Excellent, I will use this by putting a frame on the key points and will modify appropriately with each individual client in mind. I think working with choice as a word as opposed to control is a good idea, to muster up empowerment.
thanks for this piece.