I´m able to love others even when they show the monster inside of them because I can see who they really are. I want to react the same way when I´m loosing a fight with the monster in me again.
Embracing the joys and pain incur relationship, a sense of relief and easy breaths in letting go of ascribing tomyself alone the reason for our current lack of communicating.
I noticed how easy it was to be kind to others but to forget to show the same goodness and compassion for how things are right now to myself. Hearing Tara’s story helped me to see that my own inner criticism isn’t the best way forward to being true to myself. I see hope that things may finally change for me with this change of attitude.
I have been experiencing such deep depression and anxiety about my physical health that I felt no relief, But this has been going on for a long time. Kindess to myself would be so wonderful. Thank you for your talk.
thank you so much for offering us this gift of wisdom the possibility to practice with you and thank you for being so honest with us about your own fears and self doubts.
I experienced something in my body – my stomach hurts and I feel like I can‘t breathe.
During this practice I started to calm down. My stomach relaxed and my overall tension decreased.
I felt like I am in control again.
I first experienced a feeling of resistance to being kind to myself. Then I experienced overwhelming grief and tears when I paused to do the breathing.
I saw me judging myself for what I was doing. thinking I was not doing the next most important thing. I tried to offer myself freedom from this judgment of you by having compassion for they me that I saw and judged.
First and foremost thank you for your generosity of spirit and for sharing such self help techniques. When I offer myself kindness I often imagine a grownup version of myself holding a much younger version of myself, and the older version is telling the younger that she is totally loved for who she is and what there is really no good or bad or right or wrong. I tell her that she is loved for just being. The process often is emotional for me and I welcome it and try to stay until the feeling lifts and I return to grounded ness. TY
I am totally with you! I am too having this picture when I feel deeply lost and lonely. I guess this sense of common humanity also helps to redirect the thoughts that hurt so much to a more mindfull and caring attitude.
Thank you for sharing this 🧡
Eric Shaller, Counseling, New Port Richey, FL, USAsays
I feel anger, confusion, and like it’s too much!
I’m trying to compassionately leave my father’s house, but the confusion, and the mess of a life make no future seem desirable or available.
Tara, thank you so much for your wisdom.
I identified with everything you said; I struggle with self-doubt and self-aversion continually. By the end of your talk, I did felt calmer, more open and kinder.
May God bless you.
Arlene
Tara, this was fabulous. I felt like I belonged, to myself, for the first time. My heart was heavy and I began to ‘be with it’ and ask ‘what is going on’ and as I did this I could feel myself lighten and then I felt integrated and aware that I felt I ‘belonged’, “I was seen” by myself, I felt a sense of wholeness. Thank you so much for this practice.
Lygia
Carol Horan, Marriage/Family Therapy, Goodyear, AZ, USAsays
I like what you are saying. I am comforted by my Christian beliefs. We all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners in that respect. But our Lord’s suffering and death on the cross removes our guilt if we come to believe and trust in Him. He offers eternal life instead of despair. It is not about piling on more good works and feeling guilty when we don’t do enough. It is not about earning and deserving. It is about believing in God’s Grace and receiving.And when we do, we are free to give compassion and help to others. Not out of guilt, but out of gratitude and thankfulness.
I immediately felt a shift in the emergy… I immediately felt like a survivor and not a victim… a sofening within my own understanding of myself… i felt compassion wow! So good!
I felt a softening within myself, and my body began to relax a bit, releasing some of the tension it was feeling throughout. I felt like I had permission and even encouragement to return to a feeling of acceptance of “what-is” that I have sometimes experienced through my own meditation practice, and that I was not alone on this path. I experienced the feeling of being “witnessed” as I followed the instructions in the video – that others have felt the pain of self-hatred and unworthiness that I have often felt throughout my life. Thank you for sharing this – a piece of your own personal journey and the gift of hope to escape what you refer to in the video as the prison or trance of unworthiness.
I just find it impossible to magically throw on a “kindness switch”. My wounds seem so deep. I can listen to your words and teaching’s, but I application seems so far away, I just can’t get there so easily! jw
Kristen Gallagher, Teacher, Norristown , PA, USAsays
I cried. I told myself I love you snd I started to cry w relief pains. Acknowledgement that I love myself even if few other ppl do made me feel the love I’d been missing.
I am a grandmother and as I look back on my life I see how I struggled with my own feelings of unworthiness after the death of my parents when I was in my early 20s who had separate issues in their own lives. I felt anxious and with my mother’s increasing alcohol problem, I felt helpless and somehow felt I should turn her in a different direction and heal her. My own needs as a young woman were in conflict with my feelings of helplessness. I have had depression when I can’t feel I can handle everything. Listening to your words has been a process of healing my inner self. Thank you for sharing and helping me work through the intense feelings. The mindfulness teachings and my practice of gentle yoga have been my
Savior. Blessings for your gifts to all of us seeking to find a deep inner peace.
very aware of deep bodily tension especially in the neck area. i can relax oher areas but this deep tension persists. very hard to hang out with. time to get busy!lol
I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed by the “To Do Lists” now at the start of the school year. I’ve also been feeling physically weak and depressed.
Bringing compassion to this weakness gave me a feeling of acceptance for feeling this way. I don’t like that it’s happening but I can like myself despite the depression and weakness. I don’t have to feel incompetent. I can accept myself.
So hard to direct kindness inward when I am so attached to my specific self-judgments. But it’s the practice that helps heal that right? So I guess we can resist the practice but keep doing it anyway until we resist less over time?
I feel like I don’t have the will power to do what I need to do for myself.
Yet I am often able to it for my family and friends.
I am a thinker not a doer.
How do I find a balance?
If I use energy to care for myself, will I have any left for others.
I struggle. I offer kindness, compassion but it’s never enough. I lost the most important person in my life, my husband, best friend and mother all in space of few short years. T felt as though I’d lost everything. I practice mindfulness, meditation daily and it gives peace , tranquility, a sense of healing, compassion, kindness to myself and others. And yet I am lonely. I work as a healer, a therapist and have done for over 30th arts. I Lost my confidante s and gave to live with the loss. This work is invaluable
I felt resistence in my body, but I persisted with the thought & mentally repeated ‘kindness’ & felt a softening. I noticed the resistance was part of a larger pattern of pushing myself & judging myself as inadequate …it was /is a familiar pattern & not always obvious. A comfortable habit!
I experience hope. I am applying a new angle on what I am experiencing this morning, such as forgetting the birthday( yesterday) of a person who
Is always there for me.
Thank you for your presentation, E
dear Anne, I am not a therapist, but someone who recognizes what you experience. Sometimes I feel so scared that I completely identify myself with the fear, I feel as I am the fear. What helps me sometimes in that moment, is to imagine that there are other people experiencing the same fear, that somebody else feels like I am feeling now. And I am sure, there are other people with this great fear. At that moment I often am able to feel compassion to that other person. I try to keep that feeling of compassion and to direct it to me (or the child in me that is so scared). And sometimes this softens my own fear. I do not know whether this can help you, but I hope it does. Good luck!
We can be so hard on ourselves. I know when it’s time for me to be around people who are naturally kind- even going to the grocery store and experiencing the checker asking if I need help bagging my stuff – that’s what has worked for me. We humans need to be kind to ourselves, and find others who are not harsh.
Sue O, Teacher, Seattle, WA, USA says
I know and forget to be kind to myself. I struggle with remembering….wrap myself in sadness and, when I remember, breathe and relax in forgiveness.
Cecilia Amador, MX says
Tenderness. Thank you!!
Ananthaswami Ramaswamy, Rockville, MD, USA says
A sense of relief from pent up feelings of fear and anxiety
mike h., Other, USA says
It helped me realize there was no reason to be hard on myself and to just “let it go” which contributed to a feeling of lightness and peace.
Helen Miguel, Social Work, AU says
I felt like I was taking my own hand in friendship. I smiled and didn’t feel alone.
Evelyn Egan, Counseling, Arvada, CO, USA says
While it made me feel very vulnerable, I also felt the love I have to myself and it was comforting. Thank you.
Mina, DE says
I´m able to love others even when they show the monster inside of them because I can see who they really are. I want to react the same way when I´m loosing a fight with the monster in me again.
Anne Van den Nouweland, Teacher, BE says
I felt very strong grief. I could accept it. I could see that someone really hurt me and that I don”t have to place myself in guilt.
Sharon K, Teacher, USA says
Embracing the joys and pain incur relationship, a sense of relief and easy breaths in letting go of ascribing tomyself alone the reason for our current lack of communicating.
Anonymous says
Peace !
Anonymous says
I started cry. And I can’t stop
Mary Fredrickd, Grand Forks ND, ND, USA says
I felt more peaceful
Sophie, Counseling, GB says
I noticed how easy it was to be kind to others but to forget to show the same goodness and compassion for how things are right now to myself. Hearing Tara’s story helped me to see that my own inner criticism isn’t the best way forward to being true to myself. I see hope that things may finally change for me with this change of attitude.
Diane B. says
I have been experiencing such deep depression and anxiety about my physical health that I felt no relief, But this has been going on for a long time. Kindess to myself would be so wonderful. Thank you for your talk.
Begüm Erenler, Another Field, TR says
There is a sense of releif, a lightness, feeling of connection with myself and everybody here…gratitute
Lisa K says
Hi Tara,
thank you so much for offering us this gift of wisdom the possibility to practice with you and thank you for being so honest with us about your own fears and self doubts.
I experienced something in my body – my stomach hurts and I feel like I can‘t breathe.
During this practice I started to calm down. My stomach relaxed and my overall tension decreased.
I felt like I am in control again.
Lisa
Kristin Sc, Nursing, Tacoma , WA, USA says
I first experienced a feeling of resistance to being kind to myself. Then I experienced overwhelming grief and tears when I paused to do the breathing.
Celia Wildroot, Other, USA says
I saw me judging myself for what I was doing. thinking I was not doing the next most important thing. I tried to offer myself freedom from this judgment of you by having compassion for they me that I saw and judged.
Fábio Mordomo, PT says
When I open the wings instead of fly I fall and cry. Maybe it’s my christian background that maintains the guilt, hope to surpass it. Thanks
Lilly S says
“Please be kind” – repeating to myself over and over
Carol, Dietetics, Antioch, CA, USA says
First and foremost thank you for your generosity of spirit and for sharing such self help techniques. When I offer myself kindness I often imagine a grownup version of myself holding a much younger version of myself, and the older version is telling the younger that she is totally loved for who she is and what there is really no good or bad or right or wrong. I tell her that she is loved for just being. The process often is emotional for me and I welcome it and try to stay until the feeling lifts and I return to grounded ness. TY
Lisa K, Psychology, DE says
I am totally with you! I am too having this picture when I feel deeply lost and lonely. I guess this sense of common humanity also helps to redirect the thoughts that hurt so much to a more mindfull and caring attitude.
Thank you for sharing this 🧡
Eric Shaller, Counseling, New Port Richey, FL, USA says
I feel anger, confusion, and like it’s too much!
I’m trying to compassionately leave my father’s house, but the confusion, and the mess of a life make no future seem desirable or available.
Arlene Roth, Teacher, CA says
Tara, thank you so much for your wisdom.
I identified with everything you said; I struggle with self-doubt and self-aversion continually. By the end of your talk, I did felt calmer, more open and kinder.
May God bless you.
Arlene
Lygia Byrd, Coach, San Diego, CA, USA says
Tara, this was fabulous. I felt like I belonged, to myself, for the first time. My heart was heavy and I began to ‘be with it’ and ask ‘what is going on’ and as I did this I could feel myself lighten and then I felt integrated and aware that I felt I ‘belonged’, “I was seen” by myself, I felt a sense of wholeness. Thank you so much for this practice.
Lygia
mary reynolds, Psychology, delano, MN, USA says
I felt a sense of hope and peace.
Carol Horan, Marriage/Family Therapy, Goodyear, AZ, USA says
I like what you are saying. I am comforted by my Christian beliefs. We all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners in that respect. But our Lord’s suffering and death on the cross removes our guilt if we come to believe and trust in Him. He offers eternal life instead of despair. It is not about piling on more good works and feeling guilty when we don’t do enough. It is not about earning and deserving. It is about believing in God’s Grace and receiving.And when we do, we are free to give compassion and help to others. Not out of guilt, but out of gratitude and thankfulness.
Sushila Hart, Forest Knolls, CA, USA says
First: tears
Next: resistance to offering kindness to myself
Then: a slight opening and willingness to try
Jaynr Ronan, AU says
I immediately felt a shift in the emergy… I immediately felt like a survivor and not a victim… a sofening within my own understanding of myself… i felt compassion wow! So good!
Kirsten W, Another Field, Santa Rosa, CA, USA says
I felt a softening within myself, and my body began to relax a bit, releasing some of the tension it was feeling throughout. I felt like I had permission and even encouragement to return to a feeling of acceptance of “what-is” that I have sometimes experienced through my own meditation practice, and that I was not alone on this path. I experienced the feeling of being “witnessed” as I followed the instructions in the video – that others have felt the pain of self-hatred and unworthiness that I have often felt throughout my life. Thank you for sharing this – a piece of your own personal journey and the gift of hope to escape what you refer to in the video as the prison or trance of unworthiness.
Linda Barbour, Counseling, GB says
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this beautiful free video
Jim Work, Denison, TX, USA says
I just find it impossible to magically throw on a “kindness switch”. My wounds seem so deep. I can listen to your words and teaching’s, but I application seems so far away, I just can’t get there so easily! jw
Eric Shaller, New Port Richey, FL, USA says
I feel that as well. I can cry, and feel anger now, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten, and I feel lost as to what to do.
Kristen Gallagher, Teacher, Norristown , PA, USA says
I cried. I told myself I love you snd I started to cry w relief pains. Acknowledgement that I love myself even if few other ppl do made me feel the love I’d been missing.
Julie Pramuk says
I am a grandmother and as I look back on my life I see how I struggled with my own feelings of unworthiness after the death of my parents when I was in my early 20s who had separate issues in their own lives. I felt anxious and with my mother’s increasing alcohol problem, I felt helpless and somehow felt I should turn her in a different direction and heal her. My own needs as a young woman were in conflict with my feelings of helplessness. I have had depression when I can’t feel I can handle everything. Listening to your words has been a process of healing my inner self. Thank you for sharing and helping me work through the intense feelings. The mindfulness teachings and my practice of gentle yoga have been my
Savior. Blessings for your gifts to all of us seeking to find a deep inner peace.
Carole Jane Wilson, Other, Westlake Village, CA, USA says
more aware
Deb Smith, Other, Chicago, IL, USA says
It became easier to bring forward kindness.
River J, Other, USA says
I felt my body and mind relax and soften
daniel Simala, raleigh, NC, USA says
very aware of deep bodily tension especially in the neck area. i can relax oher areas but this deep tension persists. very hard to hang out with. time to get busy!lol
Mary Rossman Rossman says
Absolutely fantastic & helpful
rivky s, BROOKLYN, NY, USA says
I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed by the “To Do Lists” now at the start of the school year. I’ve also been feeling physically weak and depressed.
Bringing compassion to this weakness gave me a feeling of acceptance for feeling this way. I don’t like that it’s happening but I can like myself despite the depression and weakness. I don’t have to feel incompetent. I can accept myself.
Marigold Richards, Teacher, AU says
I felt comforted and less alone. Less blame and more self acceptance.
Heidi S, Medicine, Corvallis, OR, USA says
So hard to direct kindness inward when I am so attached to my specific self-judgments. But it’s the practice that helps heal that right? So I guess we can resist the practice but keep doing it anyway until we resist less over time?
Linda Chamberlain, Another Field, Homer, AK, USA says
Opposite arose —guilt and hope—and that brought a sense of the possibility of accepting and healing .
Anonymous, Another Field, Huntsville , AL, USA says
I tend to “phase out” sometimes when trying to get in touch with unworthiness, or sometimes have compulsive thoughts of hurting myself physically.
JENNIFER VAN KEMPEN, Teacher, CA says
I feel like I don’t have the will power to do what I need to do for myself.
Yet I am often able to it for my family and friends.
I am a thinker not a doer.
How do I find a balance?
If I use energy to care for myself, will I have any left for others.
Elin Wallin, Psychology, SE says
I slowed down and softened a bit. I could more easily observe my thoughts and reactions.
Ann Lewis, GB says
As I watched and listened to you I began to feel lighter and more hopeful . However I then felt “this is a temporary respite”.
Denise Blake, Counseling, GB says
I struggle. I offer kindness, compassion but it’s never enough. I lost the most important person in my life, my husband, best friend and mother all in space of few short years. T felt as though I’d lost everything. I practice mindfulness, meditation daily and it gives peace , tranquility, a sense of healing, compassion, kindness to myself and others. And yet I am lonely. I work as a healer, a therapist and have done for over 30th arts. I Lost my confidante s and gave to live with the loss. This work is invaluable
Cecilia Dud, Another Field, San Mateo , CA, USA says
A feeling of accepting that part of me, which was feeling insecure
Julie Luckman, Other, AU says
I felt resistence in my body, but I persisted with the thought & mentally repeated ‘kindness’ & felt a softening. I noticed the resistance was part of a larger pattern of pushing myself & judging myself as inadequate …it was /is a familiar pattern & not always obvious. A comfortable habit!
Eve Freeman, Psychotherapy, Nyack, NY, USA says
I experience hope. I am applying a new angle on what I am experiencing this morning, such as forgetting the birthday( yesterday) of a person who
Is always there for me.
Thank you for your presentation, E
Anne Jackson, Other, AU says
I’m so full of fear and could not find any compassion. I feel as if there is no way of changing this awful state. I hope you can help.
Kjell Cools, Another Field, BE says
dear Anne, I am not a therapist, but someone who recognizes what you experience. Sometimes I feel so scared that I completely identify myself with the fear, I feel as I am the fear. What helps me sometimes in that moment, is to imagine that there are other people experiencing the same fear, that somebody else feels like I am feeling now. And I am sure, there are other people with this great fear. At that moment I often am able to feel compassion to that other person. I try to keep that feeling of compassion and to direct it to me (or the child in me that is so scared). And sometimes this softens my own fear. I do not know whether this can help you, but I hope it does. Good luck!
Eve, Social Work, NY, USA says
We can be so hard on ourselves. I know when it’s time for me to be around people who are naturally kind- even going to the grocery store and experiencing the checker asking if I need help bagging my stuff – that’s what has worked for me. We humans need to be kind to ourselves, and find others who are not harsh.