Cynthia Passmore, Student, Winchester Bay, OR, USAsays
“Vengeance is a lazy form of grief”, made an impression on me. As a beginner’s mind I find this true, now that my perspective is changing to accept things as they are. Vengeance for me plays out in my mind over and over and takes many forms inside my heart and head; all along reminding myself Vengeance is not mine. It becomes all consuming and makes my world very small. Some day, I can see now, my world will be big enough for me.
Thank you so much for being so generous with your wisdom. You really help to restore my hope that there is a bright future for humanity when I think of the thousands of people you are reaching with these teachings.
Holding myself with compassion and forgiveness when I think about my fractured relationship with my bothers; I feel myself expanding and opening, I let go of defending and then energy around the situation moves to a more neural field where perhaps forgiveness might be possible.
Thanks Tara 😊
The people I imagined have already passed, yet I still carry guilt. Despite my belief that they are now soul beings who hold no negative feelings toward me—and likely never did when they were alive—it’s still difficult to convince myself that ‘it was not my fault.
It was so helpful to remind myself that I’ve been suffering with fear about my health and that’s part of why it’s been difficult to be around this person that has inadvertently been triggering my feelings of fear and inadequacy. I can treat myself with kindness and compassion, just like I do to others that are suffering, and be a source of my own healing.
Harry Nozicka, Psychotherapy, Palatine , IL, USAsays
I could feel myself tear up just with this little exercise. Inviting our self to be open and listen to these parts that hurt is the road to liberation and love! Thanks you!
My husband and I are seeking some assistance with our relationship and this short video is very relevant to the work we are doing with our coach. Thank you.
Thank you Tara. Hearing ‘it’s not my fault’ is like releasing the hook or the rope (putting down the stick) that keeps me attached to my guilt and shame and ultimate belief that ‘I’m a bad person’. It allows space for healing and connectivity. It allows the space to bring in RAIN 🙏😊
thank you for this touching meditation. This own experience will help me to ask my clients the same questions (does self hate change aything? think of a situation with self blame included and could you possibly forgive yourself) and hopefully contribute to more self compassion.
Than you Tara. Your words were a reminder to remember it’s not my fault. The person i struggle with such a lot is myself. Especially in my early morning waking hours, when all my resilience is at its lowest. I felt able to really let go and be with that part that needs my love and compassion.
Loving comes down to such practical stuff! A difficult person came to mind under your gentle guidance today, and I so need to break loose from my negative feelings and reactions to him.
Thank you, Tara, for giving me the moment to face this with compassion for myself. I would be very grateful to receive the meditation to which you referred.
Thank you so much, beautiful Tara. Karen
When I fill my own cup with li dress and self compassion I have the same healing balm for others. It overflows into other relationships. I noticed people that are very harsh with themselves tend to be the same way with others. How can we remember that our own healing has an effect on others as well? The inter connectedness we all have. Sometimes is easier to be kinder to others so imagining a friend talking and soothing you is a great way towards self compassion. Thanks Tara! We need more of your loving and kind presence in this world!
Sophie Glikson, Psychotherapy, Medford, MA, USAsays
Acknowledging that needs are ok. This is helpful to be willing to communicate them with our partner and to open doors for conversations and transformations.
Kelsey Williams, Counseling, State College, PA, USAsays
Tara’s teachings are always a balm for the soul. I just want to bottle up her warmth, compassion, and calm presence to spread around my counseling space. I and my clients benefit from her offerings regularly. Thank you!
I’m not a professional. I listen to your free offerings to help myself heal and be a better human.
I always learn so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight and expertise.
Help clients to look to where their shame may have originated – possibly following behaviors of others in their life. Help to free up shame, anger, for client to realize the freedom to be their authentic selves and experience heightened self esteem resulting in more positive behaviors/relationships.
Such a great reminder that the relationship we have with ourselves shows up in our relationship relationships with others! Thank you for being you, Tara Brach!
Tara’s voice is compassionate; her words are simple and her message is powerful. I really connected with these lectures and look forward to working with some of the suggestions. Thank-you!
I am a retired Advanced practice RN, so I have no clients, other than myself. I would like to use this on myself& have already started, Where else can I go with this?
Paula Sheinberg, Social Work, New Orleans, LA, USAsays
I found these videos on self-compassion very helpful. Although I’ve used similar techniques, the way Tara Brach explained the path from negative self-thoughts to self-compassion provides a very helpful, more direct path for clients to get in touch with their feelings in order to overcome their anger toward themselves. I’d very much appreciate receiving the guided meditation mentioned in the video. Paula Sheinberg, LCSW
Beautiful and clear. Love how Tara’s story support her teachings. I can never hear enough “How we relate to ourselves is how we relate to others”
“Self forgiving” makes us more responsible, responding wisely, and to BE with our STRONG emotion and those around us.
🙏🙌💖🕊️
Dakini
Lovely and so simple but it takes practice and requires gentleness with yourself and others. I’m adding this quote: “vengeance is a lazy form of grief” to my list of favorites.
I felt a softening and opening of my heart when I forgave myself in that moment. It felt like there would be greater potential for loving connection with my partner if I could be more forgiving of myself.
beautiful, getting to acknowledge the pain I have been carrying about a relationship felt healing and softening. I felt compassion for my own parents and myself as a parent. Doing the best I can. thank you
Yes, self-forgiveness — so important but not so easy to achieve. And often it’s not just excessive guilt but may also be the difficulty, vulnerability and shame around admitting that you (may) have been at fault in the first place.
To start to recognise where these deep and lifelong feelings on not good enough, or fear drive how I react now brings so much into consciousness awareness, and I can start to understand and shift those feelings.
In this exercise my son came into my mind.
There is a deep feeling of guilt. Underneath the feeling of guilt I also could feel shame and hate toward myself – it is very difficult to forgive myself and I just feel very unworthy.
Trying to see myself in the light of kindness- the bad feelings were melting away. I was able to feel love, kindness and also sadness looking at my son. Forgiving myself has nothing to do with undoing what has happened in the past. It makes it able for other feelings to be present at the same time. The present of kindness makes it possible to look into the eyes of my son and let my love flow.
Perhaps write a letter to that person. In the letter, you can reflect and apologise for your behaviour. You could also ask a therapist to help you with the empty chair technique, or psychodrama.
Cynthia Passmore, Student, Winchester Bay, OR, USA says
“Vengeance is a lazy form of grief”, made an impression on me. As a beginner’s mind I find this true, now that my perspective is changing to accept things as they are. Vengeance for me plays out in my mind over and over and takes many forms inside my heart and head; all along reminding myself Vengeance is not mine. It becomes all consuming and makes my world very small. Some day, I can see now, my world will be big enough for me.
Jane marshall, Psychotherapy, DE says
Thank you so much for being so generous with your wisdom. You really help to restore my hope that there is a bright future for humanity when I think of the thousands of people you are reaching with these teachings.
Sue E, Other, Brooklyn, NY, USA says
I am surprised at how difficult it was for me to forgive myself for my past acting out anger. I see the need for self compassion so clearly now.
Dianne Younis, Counseling, AU says
Holding myself with compassion and forgiveness when I think about my fractured relationship with my bothers; I feel myself expanding and opening, I let go of defending and then energy around the situation moves to a more neural field where perhaps forgiveness might be possible.
Thanks Tara 😊
Keima Shiratori, Other, JP says
The people I imagined have already passed, yet I still carry guilt. Despite my belief that they are now soul beings who hold no negative feelings toward me—and likely never did when they were alive—it’s still difficult to convince myself that ‘it was not my fault.
Kim Mensing, Marriage/Family Therapy, Eden Prairie, MN, USA says
It was helpful to imagine what could change in this relationship if I let go of guilt and hold myself with self-compassion.
Josie Hinson, Psychotherapy, Monroe, CT, USA says
It was so helpful to remind myself that I’ve been suffering with fear about my health and that’s part of why it’s been difficult to be around this person that has inadvertently been triggering my feelings of fear and inadequacy. I can treat myself with kindness and compassion, just like I do to others that are suffering, and be a source of my own healing.
Gitu Menghani, Teacher, GB says
Really touching and profound. I work with this within my own Metta practice and as a therapist.
Harry Nozicka, Psychotherapy, Palatine , IL, USA says
I could feel myself tear up just with this little exercise. Inviting our self to be open and listen to these parts that hurt is the road to liberation and love! Thanks you!
Jan Howard, Teacher, AU says
My husband and I are seeking some assistance with our relationship and this short video is very relevant to the work we are doing with our coach. Thank you.
Claudine Nelan, Counseling, IE says
Thank you Tara. Hearing ‘it’s not my fault’ is like releasing the hook or the rope (putting down the stick) that keeps me attached to my guilt and shame and ultimate belief that ‘I’m a bad person’. It allows space for healing and connectivity. It allows the space to bring in RAIN 🙏😊
Katja Thieme, Social Work, DE says
thank you for this touching meditation. This own experience will help me to ask my clients the same questions (does self hate change aything? think of a situation with self blame included and could you possibly forgive yourself) and hopefully contribute to more self compassion.
Liz Church, Psychotherapy, GB says
Than you Tara. Your words were a reminder to remember it’s not my fault. The person i struggle with such a lot is myself. Especially in my early morning waking hours, when all my resilience is at its lowest. I felt able to really let go and be with that part that needs my love and compassion.
Karen Judge, Teacher, San Jose, CA, USA says
Loving comes down to such practical stuff! A difficult person came to mind under your gentle guidance today, and I so need to break loose from my negative feelings and reactions to him.
Thank you, Tara, for giving me the moment to face this with compassion for myself. I would be very grateful to receive the meditation to which you referred.
Thank you so much, beautiful Tara. Karen
Marina Strauss, Counseling, Arlington, MA, USA says
When I fill my own cup with li dress and self compassion I have the same healing balm for others. It overflows into other relationships. I noticed people that are very harsh with themselves tend to be the same way with others. How can we remember that our own healing has an effect on others as well? The inter connectedness we all have. Sometimes is easier to be kinder to others so imagining a friend talking and soothing you is a great way towards self compassion. Thanks Tara! We need more of your loving and kind presence in this world!
Sophie Glikson, Psychotherapy, Medford, MA, USA says
Acknowledging that needs are ok. This is helpful to be willing to communicate them with our partner and to open doors for conversations and transformations.
Kelli Karsten, Counseling, Vale, OR, USA says
When imaging forgiveness for a relationship where I know I have caused hurt, it feels very freeing to let go of the guilt.
Digby Hildreth, Another Field, AU says
Yes, the concept of self-forgiveness in relationships came as something of a relief. I felt easier … Thank you. DH. Byron Bay, Australia
A R, Other, Los Angeles , CA, USA says
Thank you
Humberto C, Another Field, Fredericksburg , VA, USA says
I have been working on my outbursts, trying to create a moment of pause between the stimulus and my reaction, I will apply your advise.
Thanks
J R, Other, Los Angeles, CA, USA says
Releasing shame is literally life changing
Kelsey Williams, Counseling, State College, PA, USA says
Tara’s teachings are always a balm for the soul. I just want to bottle up her warmth, compassion, and calm presence to spread around my counseling space. I and my clients benefit from her offerings regularly. Thank you!
Elaine Sparr, Other, Lakewood , CO, USA says
I’m not a professional. I listen to your free offerings to help myself heal and be a better human.
I always learn so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight and expertise.
Dale Marie LABOHN, Coach, Las Vegas, NV, USA says
Help clients to look to where their shame may have originated – possibly following behaviors of others in their life. Help to free up shame, anger, for client to realize the freedom to be their authentic selves and experience heightened self esteem resulting in more positive behaviors/relationships.
stephanie harmston, Teacher, CA says
Tara has nurtured my health and wellness through her gifts of meditation thank you!
Haleema Sunde, Other, NZ says
the more compassion I feel for myself the more I can feel for others. thank you for all you give, it makes such a difference to how I see things
Maria Castilla Perez, Psychotherapy, GB says
I have experience this process myself and sometimes I am able to pause before reacting with anger.
Pam Lehrman, Counseling, Eugene, OR, USA says
Such a great reminder that the relationship we have with ourselves shows up in our relationship relationships with others! Thank you for being you, Tara Brach!
Lene Jensen, Psychology, DK says
Mindful emotion make the heart glow
cathy nedy, Stress Management, CA says
Tara’s voice is compassionate; her words are simple and her message is powerful. I really connected with these lectures and look forward to working with some of the suggestions. Thank-you!
Dale DELLINGER, Nursing, WACO, TX, USA says
I am a retired Advanced practice RN, so I have no clients, other than myself. I would like to use this on myself& have already started, Where else can I go with this?
Paula Sheinberg, Social Work, New Orleans, LA, USA says
I found these videos on self-compassion very helpful. Although I’ve used similar techniques, the way Tara Brach explained the path from negative self-thoughts to self-compassion provides a very helpful, more direct path for clients to get in touch with their feelings in order to overcome their anger toward themselves. I’d very much appreciate receiving the guided meditation mentioned in the video. Paula Sheinberg, LCSW
Janice Wilcox, Teacher, Wilton, CT, USA says
Beautiful and clear. Love how Tara’s story support her teachings. I can never hear enough “How we relate to ourselves is how we relate to others”
“Self forgiving” makes us more responsible, responding wisely, and to BE with our STRONG emotion and those around us.
🙏🙌💖🕊️
Dakini
Margaret Kajeckas, Social Work, Herndon , VA, USA says
I will use “vengeance is a lazy form of grief” and point out that self-hatred is a kind of vengeance.
Andrea Fedele, Teacher, Spring, TX, USA says
Thank you!
AP Lemon, Other, Bethesda, MD, USA says
Lovely and so simple but it takes practice and requires gentleness with yourself and others. I’m adding this quote: “vengeance is a lazy form of grief” to my list of favorites.
Shelagh Kell, Another Field, GB says
I felt a softening and opening of my heart when I forgave myself in that moment. It felt like there would be greater potential for loving connection with my partner if I could be more forgiving of myself.
Neil Rasburn, Other, GB says
LOVE THE MOTHER TERESA QUOTE.
Emma Stuart, Teacher, ES says
beautiful, getting to acknowledge the pain I have been carrying about a relationship felt healing and softening. I felt compassion for my own parents and myself as a parent. Doing the best I can. thank you
Jasmine Dixon, Other, GB says
i plan to use this for personal development!
Gini Sophia, Other, AU says
Yes, self-forgiveness — so important but not so easy to achieve. And often it’s not just excessive guilt but may also be the difficulty, vulnerability and shame around admitting that you (may) have been at fault in the first place.
Menique Perera, Counseling, AU says
Thank you Tara. A very powerful breaking down of the different components, especially with how to help with feeling it. Menique
Sara Floramo, Other, AU says
A deep sense of openness and positive possibilities, thank you
TL Mat, Other, AU says
To start to recognise where these deep and lifelong feelings on not good enough, or fear drive how I react now brings so much into consciousness awareness, and I can start to understand and shift those feelings.
Sinead Cummins, Psychotherapy, IE says
Thank you, looking forward to trying these techniques alongside the ‘unforgiveness hook’.
Birgitte Polifke, Other, DE says
In this exercise my son came into my mind.
There is a deep feeling of guilt. Underneath the feeling of guilt I also could feel shame and hate toward myself – it is very difficult to forgive myself and I just feel very unworthy.
Trying to see myself in the light of kindness- the bad feelings were melting away. I was able to feel love, kindness and also sadness looking at my son. Forgiving myself has nothing to do with undoing what has happened in the past. It makes it able for other feelings to be present at the same time. The present of kindness makes it possible to look into the eyes of my son and let my love flow.
ta ta, Student, DE says
Ben bob
Debra Blaker, Nursing, Eugene, OR, USA says
This presentation was very helpful. Truly, self forgiveness is so important. Thank you for your suggestions for self acceptance.
Fionna Miller, Another Field, AU says
I value what you say but I really don’t know how to find kindness to myself before I am
Able to Do that I probably need to
Forgive myself
Kari C, Other, FR says
As I was listening I realized that the relationship I feel the most guilt about is with someone who is deceased. I wonder how to work through that.
Sandra Cohen, Social Work, AU says
Perhaps write a letter to that person. In the letter, you can reflect and apologise for your behaviour. You could also ask a therapist to help you with the empty chair technique, or psychodrama.