Being kind to myself is something I am needing to exercise more fully. Perhaps it can take away the sense of guilt when sitting under the perception that I have not done enough for others.
I think forgiving myself would make me less afraid of disappointing and hurting others in the future and allow me to be more open and responsible in those current and future relationships.
Lhia Casazza, Social Work, Rancho Cordova, CA, USAsays
When we forgive ourselves it allows us to be more present and forgive others. I could sense a inward draw towards myself along with calm as I heard permission to forgive myself. A gift…thank you.
I relate to Sam. My father used to beat me with a rage that took him over. I wondered why my mother didn’t stand up for me. Now I believe she was afraid. My sister who was 5 years older didn’t get beaten. Often I had to go to my room without food and nobody came see if I was alright. My father was a traumatised concentration camp survivor . So he officially was a suffering victim and it wasn’t good to judge him or be angry. It separated me mentally from my family and at school the other children intuitively felt I was different. I didn’t fit in either. Since corona this came significantly to the forefront since I didn’t went along with the forced narrative. Feeling separate and unsafe once again at 71. I sob when in the movie Good Will Hunting Robin Williams said repeatedly It’s Not Your Fault.
I relate to Sam. My father used to beat me with a rage that took him over. I wondered why my mother didn’t stand up for me. Now I believe she was afraid. My sister who was 5 years older didn’t get beaten. Often I had to go to my room without food and nobody came see if I was alright. My father was a traumatised concentration camp survivor . So he officially was a suffering victim and it wasn’t good to judge him or be angry. It separated me mentally from my family and at school the other children intuitively felt I was different. I didn’t fit in either. Since corona this came significantly to the forefront since I didn’t went along with the forced narrative. Feeling separate and unsafe once again at 71.
I felt where the guilt lives inside. And when I tried to think what it would be like to really forgive myself, I felt this knot loosen up a little, I felt a pain lessen, my whole body relaxed a little. It gave me a glimpse that forgiveness might be possible. Thank you, Tara.
Charlotte Berkowitz, Another Field, Houston, TX, USAsays
“Vengeance is just a lazy form of grief.” This is a mantra the world might take up now when the desire for vengeance motivates so much violence toward “the other”.
My daughter can display a lot of negative émotions, and this always makes me feel like I did something wrong as a parent or haven’t been a good enough mom. I think the energy of this gets carried over so that she feels like I don’t accept and love her as she is. I hope that in being more compassionate with myself as a parent she will feel more acceptance from me and more self acceptance and this may relax some of her defensive tendencies and negativity bias
Becoming mindful of how the root causes of the disconnect between me and my body and my emotions due to my childhood traumas, I realised I’ve acted out of self-protective defensive mechanisms in the past because I was fearful that I can’t be loved by my ex(or my father) n fearful to be abandoned again, I believed I couldn’t trust or depend on anyone, hence I didn’t connect with my ex n we divorced. I blamed myself hugely after my awakening. Felt guilty n regretful and took some time to forgive myself for my unconscious beliefs and behaviours that prevented intimacy and love. I am thankful for the neurobiology research and mindfulness teachings shared by NICABM and Tara, which enlightened me on my healing journey.🙏
Thank you! Realize this is a real issue for me. one thought that kept running through my mind was unfortunately that how can it not be my problem. – I’m the one acting up. However, I realize I need to look deeper and see the source of my anger and hurt, willing to see that anger could be a way not to look at my deeper feelings
Self-acceptance and forgiveness makes us softer, and more open/honest/vulnerable with our loved ones, so we can work with the underlying problems, with their support.
The walls I’ve built around me to protect myself and to hide my “awfulness” from others seem insurmountable. I can’t imagine the goodness that might be there.
Doing the exercize brought peace; removing a thorn…AND another strand of letting specific relationship go. And, your followup comments of Fall 2020 brought a smile of hope…cycles, a collective individual, national, global ‘we’ made it through that…And maybe greater compassion about life in current unique times with greater inner and radiating peace by the idea of huge grief on display to a globe stage ‘Vengeance being a lazy form of grief’…
Thank you Tara and NICABM
I’m not a practitioner. I’m just beginning to work on this. If I am not defensive with my partner, we will have a kinder, more meaningful relationship.
In my relationship, there are situations when I’m upset, where I communicate with my wife in a way that she feels inadequate and criticized. Then she becomes upset, and I feel ashamed for being upset and bringing up the conversation.
Thinking of Tara’s sessions, my approach could be more gentle, as sometimes I am angry, but mostly I am needing her to consider my feelings. I need to be gentle with myself that I am okay to have this desire. She has her own work to do to know that she is good and loving and can hear my needs without becoming defensive.
I immediately felt a peace when I told myself it’s not my fault and I’m so looking forward to healing. I have hope and look forward to participating in the upcoming program. Thank you for your help.
Rachel Olson, Clergy, Richland Center, WI, USAsays
I felt a resonance with the African saying about vengeance being a lazy form of grief. I might substitute the word immature or primitive for lazy, but the meaning is the same. Seeking to pin blame or get revenge for a loss is a way to avoid the vulnerability and feelings of powerlessness that come with processing grief. And ultimately, these avoidances don’t bring any true healing.
I might be more open in relationships, better able to feel the good feelings coming from those who care for me and to turn away from the negative emotions and people who perpetuate my self-judgement.
Thank you so much for this very clear reminder that a severe judge on your shoulder is contraproductive. It reminds me again te involve the people close to the person with anger outbursts because quite often the angey person is misunderstood if he or she tries to explain that not feeling guilty does not mean not taking responsabilty – it is not down playing the behaviour and/ or the hurt it might be causing.
I work as a nurse in psyciatric field.
I cant imagine how to stay in contact with my heart and in presence without these tools.
Im greatful- I know that year long practise has shaped my mind.
Making me gravitate towards Love and joy
Thank you
This has been so useful, thank you so much, helping clients to recognise where their self judgment can be an obstacle to their own healing seems to be more accessible through reading and watching your teachings.
Lillian Bulan, Counseling, MY says
Being kind to myself is something I am needing to exercise more fully. Perhaps it can take away the sense of guilt when sitting under the perception that I have not done enough for others.
Sarvat Nas, Teacher, CA says
worked really well thanks
Robin Bouck, Social Work, CA says
It allows me to talk honestly and openly and acknowledge the pain and let go of the pain
Marshall Bausum, Other, Baltimore, MD, USA says
Genuinely forgiving myself would allow me see my self worth and channel that into better communication skills in my personal relationships.
Miriam Purkiss, Teacher, AU says
This is a deeply satisfying process to share with others & to apply to myself. I am very grateful. It opens up a whole world of self compassion.
Maxine H, Psychology, CA says
Thank you for highlighting this important topic
sarah k, Another Field, clover lick, WV, USA says
thank you, Tara.
Ana Flor, Another Field, PT says
I think forgiving myself would make me less afraid of disappointing and hurting others in the future and allow me to be more open and responsible in those current and future relationships.
Lhia Casazza, Social Work, Rancho Cordova, CA, USA says
When we forgive ourselves it allows us to be more present and forgive others. I could sense a inward draw towards myself along with calm as I heard permission to forgive myself. A gift…thank you.
Lydia Frankenhuis, Other, NL says
I relate to Sam. My father used to beat me with a rage that took him over. I wondered why my mother didn’t stand up for me. Now I believe she was afraid. My sister who was 5 years older didn’t get beaten. Often I had to go to my room without food and nobody came see if I was alright. My father was a traumatised concentration camp survivor . So he officially was a suffering victim and it wasn’t good to judge him or be angry. It separated me mentally from my family and at school the other children intuitively felt I was different. I didn’t fit in either. Since corona this came significantly to the forefront since I didn’t went along with the forced narrative. Feeling separate and unsafe once again at 71. I sob when in the movie Good Will Hunting Robin Williams said repeatedly It’s Not Your Fault.
Laura Smith, Other, Bellingham, WA, USA says
I like being supported to feel my body deeply and receiving the forgiveness. It’s better for me when I focus on the feeling of it inside.
Lydia Frankenhuis, Other, NL says
I relate to Sam. My father used to beat me with a rage that took him over. I wondered why my mother didn’t stand up for me. Now I believe she was afraid. My sister who was 5 years older didn’t get beaten. Often I had to go to my room without food and nobody came see if I was alright. My father was a traumatised concentration camp survivor . So he officially was a suffering victim and it wasn’t good to judge him or be angry. It separated me mentally from my family and at school the other children intuitively felt I was different. I didn’t fit in either. Since corona this came significantly to the forefront since I didn’t went along with the forced narrative. Feeling separate and unsafe once again at 71.
Isabel Leslie, Other, GB says
Thank you for this Tara .
Brenda Alaia, Counseling, Gilbert, AZ, USA says
When does the program start?
Dorothy Beatty, Other, Santa FE, NM, USA says
It’s hard for me to forgive myself when my PTSSD has been triggered and I just want to get away and I don’t exit gracefully.
Nathalie L, Psychology, CA says
I felt where the guilt lives inside. And when I tried to think what it would be like to really forgive myself, I felt this knot loosen up a little, I felt a pain lessen, my whole body relaxed a little. It gave me a glimpse that forgiveness might be possible. Thank you, Tara.
Maura Ryan, Other, IE says
I think I could feel more freedom and pulling back into myself. Focusing less on the other person’s behaviour.
Charlotte Berkowitz, Another Field, Houston, TX, USA says
“Vengeance is just a lazy form of grief.” This is a mantra the world might take up now when the desire for vengeance motivates so much violence toward “the other”.
Aditi T, Teacher, Bloomington, IN, USA says
Thank you. Being kind to myself – this is an area I need to work on.
Noelle Marquis, Teacher, Woodacre, CA, USA says
My daughter can display a lot of negative émotions, and this always makes me feel like I did something wrong as a parent or haven’t been a good enough mom. I think the energy of this gets carried over so that she feels like I don’t accept and love her as she is. I hope that in being more compassionate with myself as a parent she will feel more acceptance from me and more self acceptance and this may relax some of her defensive tendencies and negativity bias
Puay Sun Awyong, Another Field, SG says
Becoming mindful of how the root causes of the disconnect between me and my body and my emotions due to my childhood traumas, I realised I’ve acted out of self-protective defensive mechanisms in the past because I was fearful that I can’t be loved by my ex(or my father) n fearful to be abandoned again, I believed I couldn’t trust or depend on anyone, hence I didn’t connect with my ex n we divorced. I blamed myself hugely after my awakening. Felt guilty n regretful and took some time to forgive myself for my unconscious beliefs and behaviours that prevented intimacy and love. I am thankful for the neurobiology research and mindfulness teachings shared by NICABM and Tara, which enlightened me on my healing journey.🙏
Rodolfo Cruz, Teacher, PR says
Loving…
Kerry M-Walden, Other, San Francisco, CA, USA says
Thank you! Realize this is a real issue for me. one thought that kept running through my mind was unfortunately that how can it not be my problem. – I’m the one acting up. However, I realize I need to look deeper and see the source of my anger and hurt, willing to see that anger could be a way not to look at my deeper feelings
Joy Cook, Other, GB says
These videos have such truth and wisdom. I have been very moved by them. Thank you Tara.
Lisa B, Other, CA says
Calmness and less reactivity.
Jen Le Marinel, Coach, GB says
Self-acceptance and forgiveness makes us softer, and more open/honest/vulnerable with our loved ones, so we can work with the underlying problems, with their support.
Jill Breach, Nursing, Lenox, IA, USA says
Acceptance of self leads to acceptance of others.
Kelly Montes, Counseling, San Fransisco , CA, USA says
Thank you for these gentle reminders.
Irka Koko, Other, CA says
The walls I’ve built around me to protect myself and to hide my “awfulness” from others seem insurmountable. I can’t imagine the goodness that might be there.
Kathleen Howell, Another Field, Azusa, CA, USA says
Thank you. I’m looking forward to more information.
Jody L., Coach, ~~, NJ, USA says
Doing the exercize brought peace; removing a thorn…AND another strand of letting specific relationship go. And, your followup comments of Fall 2020 brought a smile of hope…cycles, a collective individual, national, global ‘we’ made it through that…And maybe greater compassion about life in current unique times with greater inner and radiating peace by the idea of huge grief on display to a globe stage ‘Vengeance being a lazy form of grief’…
Thank you Tara and NICABM
May Osborne, Other, Dallas, TX, USA says
I’m not a practitioner. I’m just beginning to work on this. If I am not defensive with my partner, we will have a kinder, more meaningful relationship.
Sarvat Nas, Teacher, CA says
well done really appreciate the suggested technique
Robin Hammond, Another Field, Raleigh, NC, USA says
I found this very helpful and would like to receive the handout. Thanks.
Marjorie Krabbe, Medicine, CA says
In my relationship, there are situations when I’m upset, where I communicate with my wife in a way that she feels inadequate and criticized. Then she becomes upset, and I feel ashamed for being upset and bringing up the conversation.
Thinking of Tara’s sessions, my approach could be more gentle, as sometimes I am angry, but mostly I am needing her to consider my feelings. I need to be gentle with myself that I am okay to have this desire. She has her own work to do to know that she is good and loving and can hear my needs without becoming defensive.
Linda Lock, Another Field, GB says
It is very hard to get near these emotions as they are so strong. It makes so much sense though and is something I will attempt to do.
Eleanor Cecil, Teacher, Tampa, FL, USA says
I facilitate a weekly Meditation in Recovery group. This is spot on for nurturing our self compassion.
Eileen Kreh, Other, Cedar Park, TX, USA says
I immediately felt a peace when I told myself it’s not my fault and I’m so looking forward to healing. I have hope and look forward to participating in the upcoming program. Thank you for your help.
Fred Smith, Another Field, AU says
Thanks Tara. Very helpful!
Rachel Olson, Clergy, Richland Center, WI, USA says
I felt a resonance with the African saying about vengeance being a lazy form of grief. I might substitute the word immature or primitive for lazy, but the meaning is the same. Seeking to pin blame or get revenge for a loss is a way to avoid the vulnerability and feelings of powerlessness that come with processing grief. And ultimately, these avoidances don’t bring any true healing.
Judy, Other, Alexandria, VA, USA says
I might be more open in relationships, better able to feel the good feelings coming from those who care for me and to turn away from the negative emotions and people who perpetuate my self-judgement.
Tineke Nijhuis, Coach, NL says
Thank you so much for this very clear reminder that a severe judge on your shoulder is contraproductive. It reminds me again te involve the people close to the person with anger outbursts because quite often the angey person is misunderstood if he or she tries to explain that not feeling guilty does not mean not taking responsabilty – it is not down playing the behaviour and/ or the hurt it might be causing.
Anne Darby, Counseling, GB says
Being more forgiving and compassionate to myself helps me to be more forgiving and compassionate to others.
Thank you
Marie-José van der Zande, Coach, CA says
I’m curious to learn more about my cooping mechanisms. How they have ‘protected’ me from accepting me and others.
Laura Free, Social Work, Lafayette, CO, USA says
I am interested to learn more about the shame cycle and how it impacts us and our relationships with others.
Anne Buchanan, Psychology, Minneapolis, MN, USA says
I found the question and exercise very useful and imagined using them with clients. I believe they will help cut through the self-hatred. Thank you.
A arrington, Student, Dayton, OH, USA says
Thank you. This is an area that I need to work on.
Sonnette Le Roux, Counseling, ZA says
Feeling peace
Elisabeth Hallgren, Other, SE says
I would be able to be less clinging in my approach towards my son
Samantha Samantha Soden, Naturopathic Physician, DK says
I work as a nurse in psyciatric field.
I cant imagine how to stay in contact with my heart and in presence without these tools.
Im greatful- I know that year long practise has shaped my mind.
Making me gravitate towards Love and joy
Thank you
Jennifer Normand, Psychotherapy, ZA says
This has been so useful, thank you so much, helping clients to recognise where their self judgment can be an obstacle to their own healing seems to be more accessible through reading and watching your teachings.