When instead of judging, blaming and criticizing myself, I’m talking kindly to myself, my attitude towards myself becomes positive and generous towards others.
sharmila Rajopadhye, Teacher, Fort Collins, CO, USAsays
Hello Tara Brach, I just watched your short video. I am the victim here. My husband and love of my life, which he still is and be forever, told me end of July 2024. After a a vacation ,that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. After being married for 39 years. Now looking back, all his life he has been a narcissist, who used me, lied to me, emotionally cheated as well emotionally abused and past 3 years started to physically abusing me. That the last time he hurt me, I ended up calling the cops, who did nothing.
Long story short , he absolutely denies hurting me. I am still hurting physically. Seeing a therapist as well he is too. And now going through postnuptial agreement through different lawyers. What do you want ME. To do? He says he loves me every day.via text. But he can’t see how he is hurting me so much. I would appreciate your help. BTW his therapist is the one who suggested to follow your, ‘ darkness of the womb’ thank you.
I prefer not to use my name because I am the only one in the whole USA.
Helpful….but I truly feel my anger IS my fault. My patience is limited!! And I’ve done so much bad in the past that my spouse also has little or no patience with me. Thanks for momentarily grounding me!!
That was very helpful. I’ve just started to realize my error in family relationships, and this helps me to forgive myself. I did the best I could at the time. Thank you, Tara.
Being more compassionate with yourself will make you more loving and understanding towards others; giving yourself space to respond without or with a limted trigger to pain
I could communicate more openly and honestly
I would trust myself more and the other person
I would have more energy and presence to bring to the relationship
When I did the small exercise at the end of the video and hold myself and my body with forgiveness in this particular relationship I felt lightness and possibilities open up. This relationship can become brighter and softer
In eventually, genuinely feeling worthy of forgiveness, even though not given by the person in relationship of past- if I eventually reach it through personal practice- I think I will truly feel free of the shackles/self imprisoning – to finally be present and truly love in purest capacity.
In eventually, genuinely feeling worthy of forgiveness, even though not given by the person in relationship of past- if I eventually reach it through personal practice- I hope to truly feel free of the shackles/self imprisoning – to finally love and be loved in purest capacity
As others have said, “it’s not my fault”, can be an incredibly powerful message with the energy to potentially change everything. Thank you as always Tara for your continued wisdom and teachings.
Forgiveness could help clients become more accepting of themselves and turn toward more expansion rather than restriction, which allows us to be more relational
when having in mind relationship with an ex-husband who I care for deeply, the well-known feeling of vulnerability, fear of rejection, arose as so often. With bringing loving kindness & understanding to these, I experienced a softening inside, a warmth & ease spreading , felt the fear leaving.
I want to help my clients to the best of my ability. if they learn to forgive themselves, they can connect with others on a deeper level. thank you for your programs.
I have started sharing a somatic visual arts practice within our community. It is proving so powerful and connecting- but always looking for ideas and ways to facilitate better!
Nicole Nadeau School Teacher.
I can relate to Sam in the story. I felt shame, guilt, rage, fear, shyness for years until I had a deep depression and started working on myself. I have been doing it for years. It took me years to be where I am at today. I was an abused child physically, sexually, and verbally. I fought really hard to be here today. I am the winner in all this because I am well today. I still battle with shame, fear, anger sometimes but my life is much better than when I was a child. What a relief that is. I wanted to live and I am living still. I have found the exercise very good. It reminded me of every feelings I ever felt as a child and the courage I had to overcome all of it. Still there are some work to do but every day I work at it and I am keeping my freedom I have lost a few times in my life. I will not lose my freedom again although I am not very good in relationship. Being so hurt I shy away from it. That is ok I am accepting it because I never want the same relationship I ever had before. Meaning friendship with women or men. It is hard for me to trust. Thank you for showing this video I am realizing I still have work to do. This will come in time.
I’m not a practitioner, but I can certainly benefit from this. I feel like I’ve overstepped bounds with one or more of my dear friends and I’m feeling bad about myself. What can I do about it? I’m going to reach out to them, but how do I keep from doing this again?
The story of the father’s behavior brought back to me my Dad’s times of rage. Chasing after my brother with a belt to make him get a crew cut, my brother crying because he wanted to grow his hair like the Beatles looked. I was only about 8 or 9. It was not the only rage. Plus I loved my Dad. His work was research in transportation planning. He spent all day trying to solve problems. I felt protective of him, even as I felt the distance and the uncertainty in his being.
I carry much of him.
My take home message for myself is that I am enough. Overextending myself and the emotional and physical exhaustion which results is not helping me and those I care about. I am still self sabotaging when I don’t keep an eye on the ball … so to speak. This in itself is frustrating and can result in self blame or blaming others that don’t comply or reach my standards. I meditate daily but still fall into these unhelpful and often unkind patterns. In a nutshell I know I am not taking enough care of myself.
Janine Schroth, Psychotherapy, Newport Beach, CA, USAsays
Thank you for your insight. This is where the rubber meets the road and helping both myself and my clients reach that transcendent awareness is allusive at times
Dennis Deiters, Dentistry, Mount Holly, VT, USAsays
My daughter Johanna died from a bullet wound to her head, which may have been self inflicted. There was conflicting evidence but no indictment. I taught her how to use that hand gun. I have worked for years with therapists but have not found self forgiveness and I hold shame for this. I have watched Tara for years many, many nights finally falling asleep to the comforting sound of her voice and the truths she speaks of.
Thank you Tara, Dennis
Michael Jones, Another Field, CANTON, OH, USA says
This is simple but very powerful and can easily be used. Thank you for this tool.
Mike Jones NMT
Jen ONeill, Other, Greenville, SC, USA says
This was an eye opening introduction to help me see that my beliefs about my self are negatively impacting my marriage
Canan Oge, Another Field, GB says
I had relationship abusive before I had trauma. He threatened to killing me and I’m still worrying that.
kristina kr, Nursing, SE says
I don’t have any clients to share anything with but i got colleges and friends and family perhaps i could share with them
Ed Ridler, Other, AR says
When instead of judging, blaming and criticizing myself, I’m talking kindly to myself, my attitude towards myself becomes positive and generous towards others.
sharmila Rajopadhye, Teacher, Fort Collins, CO, USA says
Hello Tara Brach, I just watched your short video. I am the victim here. My husband and love of my life, which he still is and be forever, told me end of July 2024. After a a vacation ,that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. After being married for 39 years. Now looking back, all his life he has been a narcissist, who used me, lied to me, emotionally cheated as well emotionally abused and past 3 years started to physically abusing me. That the last time he hurt me, I ended up calling the cops, who did nothing.
Long story short , he absolutely denies hurting me. I am still hurting physically. Seeing a therapist as well he is too. And now going through postnuptial agreement through different lawyers. What do you want ME. To do? He says he loves me every day.via text. But he can’t see how he is hurting me so much. I would appreciate your help. BTW his therapist is the one who suggested to follow your, ‘ darkness of the womb’ thank you.
I prefer not to use my name because I am the only one in the whole USA.
Ken Gresko, Another Field, Bushnell, FL, USA says
Helpful….but I truly feel my anger IS my fault. My patience is limited!! And I’ve done so much bad in the past that my spouse also has little or no patience with me. Thanks for momentarily grounding me!!
Joy Lenit, Another Field, Santa Fe, NM, USA says
That was very helpful. I’ve just started to realize my error in family relationships, and this helps me to forgive myself. I did the best I could at the time. Thank you, Tara.
Johanna van Vliet, Another Field, NL says
Being more compassionate with yourself will make you more loving and understanding towards others; giving yourself space to respond without or with a limted trigger to pain
Tami Lenser, Social Work, CA says
I could communicate more openly and honestly
I would trust myself more and the other person
I would have more energy and presence to bring to the relationship
Julia Hofmeister, Psychotherapy, DE says
When I did the small exercise at the end of the video and hold myself and my body with forgiveness in this particular relationship I felt lightness and possibilities open up. This relationship can become brighter and softer
Laura Harness, Counseling, Sedona , AZ, USA says
Thank you Tara, your wisdom and compassion is a blessing to so many!
Debra Rimmer, Social Work, Somerset, NJ, USA says
Self Compassion, forgiveness… was not your fault. Thankyou.
Angel Gaines, Other, Visalia, CA, USA says
In eventually, genuinely feeling worthy of forgiveness, even though not given by the person in relationship of past- if I eventually reach it through personal practice- I think I will truly feel free of the shackles/self imprisoning – to finally be present and truly love in purest capacity.
Angel Gaines, Other, Visalia, CA, USA says
In eventually, genuinely feeling worthy of forgiveness, even though not given by the person in relationship of past- if I eventually reach it through personal practice- I hope to truly feel free of the shackles/self imprisoning – to finally love and be loved in purest capacity
Adam Boon, Physical Therapy, GB says
As others have said, “it’s not my fault”, can be an incredibly powerful message with the energy to potentially change everything. Thank you as always Tara for your continued wisdom and teachings.
Kate Rive, Counseling, CA says
Forgiveness could help clients become more accepting of themselves and turn toward more expansion rather than restriction, which allows us to be more relational
Linda Ramsey, Marriage/Family Therapy, Austin, TX, USA says
Very helpful in helping clients understand that self blame can be self defeating.
Vicki A Wood, Other, IE says
when having in mind relationship with an ex-husband who I care for deeply, the well-known feeling of vulnerability, fear of rejection, arose as so often. With bringing loving kindness & understanding to these, I experienced a softening inside, a warmth & ease spreading , felt the fear leaving.
Michael Storms, Psychology, Palm Springs, CA, USA says
The self-affirmation “It’s not my fault” is immensely powerful. It’s a phrase I will use often with my clients–and with myself.
Kendra Cain, Counseling, Caledonia, OH, USA says
I want to help my clients to the best of my ability. if they learn to forgive themselves, they can connect with others on a deeper level. thank you for your programs.
J Smiley, Other, Crescent City, CA, USA says
I have started sharing a somatic visual arts practice within our community. It is proving so powerful and connecting- but always looking for ideas and ways to facilitate better!
Anne Scatolini, Teacher, Santa Monica, CA, USA says
Namaste.
Anne Scatolini, Teacher, Santa Monica, CA, USA says
It’s not my fault.
Shayna Schulz, Other, LAFAYETTE, CA, USA says
I was surprised to feel the anxiety and anger lift a bit. thank you.
Nicole Nadeau, Teacher, CA says
Nicole Nadeau School Teacher.
I can relate to Sam in the story. I felt shame, guilt, rage, fear, shyness for years until I had a deep depression and started working on myself. I have been doing it for years. It took me years to be where I am at today. I was an abused child physically, sexually, and verbally. I fought really hard to be here today. I am the winner in all this because I am well today. I still battle with shame, fear, anger sometimes but my life is much better than when I was a child. What a relief that is. I wanted to live and I am living still. I have found the exercise very good. It reminded me of every feelings I ever felt as a child and the courage I had to overcome all of it. Still there are some work to do but every day I work at it and I am keeping my freedom I have lost a few times in my life. I will not lose my freedom again although I am not very good in relationship. Being so hurt I shy away from it. That is ok I am accepting it because I never want the same relationship I ever had before. Meaning friendship with women or men. It is hard for me to trust. Thank you for showing this video I am realizing I still have work to do. This will come in time.
ana larsson greback, Counseling, SE says
It would lead to more self acceptance and openness to listen to others and oneself. It would open up like a love canal
Jose Ramos, Stress Management, Glen Allen, VA, USA says
I would like to develop an AI tool for you.
It will show how to show compassion, self-forgiveness and love.
Sophie Ziemer, Nursing, Sacramento, CA, USA says
It helped me think about how to not cloud the relationship with my own judgements
Susan Buniva, Psychotherapy, Venice, FL, USA says
I recognize the many layers of forgiveness I need to return to over and over again.
Siobhan Dwan, Stress Management, IE says
I felt aware of a tightness in my chest area that I wasn’t aware was there
Lindsay Daniels-Chassman, Social Work, Ronkonkoma, NY, USA says
I am going to ask the question, “Have your feelings of personal badness helped you become a better person?”
I work with many women and some men who experience extreme self-hatred related to their substance use disorder.
It’s hard to let go of such ingrained patterns, especially when the environment reinforces the behaviors that contribute to intense shame.
Angela Diane, Other, Eugene, OR, USA says
Taking steps to forgive myself helps me feel gentle with myself, my heart softens and I feel more caring in my relationships. Thank you
Betty Olivolo, Other, Kittery , ME, USA says
I’m not a practitioner, but I can certainly benefit from this. I feel like I’ve overstepped bounds with one or more of my dear friends and I’m feeling bad about myself. What can I do about it? I’m going to reach out to them, but how do I keep from doing this again?
Jean HD, Other, Mobile, AL, USA says
Thank you. The shame is the key
Margi Shindler, Teacher, Milwaukie, OR, USA says
The story of the father’s behavior brought back to me my Dad’s times of rage. Chasing after my brother with a belt to make him get a crew cut, my brother crying because he wanted to grow his hair like the Beatles looked. I was only about 8 or 9. It was not the only rage. Plus I loved my Dad. His work was research in transportation planning. He spent all day trying to solve problems. I felt protective of him, even as I felt the distance and the uncertainty in his being.
I carry much of him.
Sara May, Psychology, Denver, CO, USA says
These processes can bring an easing of their inner pain
Myrna A, Another Field, Franklin Park , NJ, USA says
Forgive myself for getting angry with a narcissist mother.
Lisa Branson, Marriage/Family Therapy, Woodside , CA, USA says
Very concise and easy to understand. Simple and not easy. Thank you.
Belinda Tribley, Coach, BM says
Thanks for the generosity of sharing this meditation. I will use for myself.
Lieve Perneel, Counseling, CA says
a feeling of deep sadness, all the while realising that I could not have
done better
Debi Gosselin, Other, Wethersfield , CT, USA says
Thank you
Wies Weijts, Coach, NL says
I an working with traumatized clients and would like to know more about dealing with the issue of shame with them
Gren Bingham, Psychotherapy, GB says
forgiveness can be the gateway to compassion, walk through it
Cheryl BARKWILL, Other, GB says
My take home message for myself is that I am enough. Overextending myself and the emotional and physical exhaustion which results is not helping me and those I care about. I am still self sabotaging when I don’t keep an eye on the ball … so to speak. This in itself is frustrating and can result in self blame or blaming others that don’t comply or reach my standards. I meditate daily but still fall into these unhelpful and often unkind patterns. In a nutshell I know I am not taking enough care of myself.
Cynthia Haq, Medicine, Irvine, CA, USA says
Understand
C A, Other, Austin, TX, USA says
I love your work!
Janine Schroth, Psychotherapy, Newport Beach, CA, USA says
Thank you for your insight. This is where the rubber meets the road and helping both myself and my clients reach that transcendent awareness is allusive at times
Rashmi Moily, Marriage/Family Therapy, Irvine, CA, USA says
Permission to drop the judgement on myself was a good message towards deepening my relationship with myself. Thank you
K T, Student, Santa fe, NM, USA says
Nice
Dennis Deiters, Dentistry, Mount Holly, VT, USA says
My daughter Johanna died from a bullet wound to her head, which may have been self inflicted. There was conflicting evidence but no indictment. I taught her how to use that hand gun. I have worked for years with therapists but have not found self forgiveness and I hold shame for this. I have watched Tara for years many, many nights finally falling asleep to the comforting sound of her voice and the truths she speaks of.
Thank you Tara, Dennis
Sonja Remmen, Another Field, Vista, CA, USA says
Forgiving g myself feels freeing!