I’m so sensitive to wording and I appreciate how you guide your process with your words. It has created a new perspective on an issue I’ve experienced lifelong pain about. Namaste Tara. 💗
thank you. how powerful to sit in the imagined presence of the other and feel forgiveness for self. accepting we are not faulty but human! forgiveness is key!
Thank you for sharing this free meditation. It is wonderful to have the possibilities for different visions, enabling a greater variation of views and widening ones horizon of comparison and understanding.
Thanking you with gratitude 🙏🏼
I realised I have been holding onto a lifelong sense that only men like me because I am horrible. My dad understood me and loved me unconditionally and my mom struggled to deal with me. In my life I have had very few female friends and have judged women harshly particularly in the workplace where I was very successful. The softer side of being a woman, loving my children deeply and being gentle only happened at home for me. I need to think about this more clearly but it is revelationary.
FORGIVING MYSELF GIVES ME MORE PEACE AND SELF-COMPASSION. MY INCREASED SELF-COMPASSION MAKES IT EASIER TO NOT FEEL ANGRY AT MY FRIEND WHEN SHE IS YELLING AT ME OR CRITICIZING ME FOR DOING SOMETHING WRONG. MY INNER PEACE DECREASES MY ANGER AND MY NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF OR FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF – AND I CAN BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO WHAT MY FRIEND IS SAYING, OR AT LEAST NOT JUMP DOWN HER THROAT WHEN SHE IS TELLING ME THAT I AM A TERRIBLE FRIEND – AND I INTERPRET THAT TO SAY I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. I JUST HAVE TO REMEBER THAT I AM A PERSON JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND I DESERVE TO BE KIND TO MYSELF – AND MY FRIEND DESERVES TO HAVE HER OPINION WITHOUT ME CAUSING DRAMA.
Juan Handelin, Another Field, Santa Fe, NM, USAsays
Shame or guilt are terms that overstate my critical self-talk. Mindfulness helps me to be aware of my sense of smallness or unworthiness which colors presence. I am interested in practices to help to see through this hindrance. Thank you Tara.
Hi. I tried the exercise, with my elderly mother in mind. I told myself that although I sometimes say things that express my frustration and perhaps leave her feeling a bit hurt, I am actually doing my best. I’m not perfect in how I relate to her, but I’m doing okay overall. She loves me and I love her and we always will. Little frustrations wont change that.
I am a nurse and just starting on my journey as a sound healing practitioner and the thing I most want to share is radical acceptance. Thank you Tara for making this freely available.
Wm. Jason McInnes, Other, Albuquerque, NM, USAsays
I’m am a patient, not a practitioner. This topic is one I’ve put a lot of work into, for myself, and I look forward to hearing what you all have to say about it.
Many thanks for the wonderful work you are doing to create a better and healthy community. It starts from one Individual to promote peace and awareness. Everyone has a story to share, and forgiveness is the key. Love your work.
Larry lovelin, Another Field, MURRIETA, CA, USAsays
Thank you for this…This program would have been really good to my relationship years ago….But we have worked out our issues and this free session that you did is the “topping on the cake.”
I am enjoying yours and Kornfield’s wise sayings on the “mindfulness daily talks”
Thank you,
Larry Lovelin
This technique of offering self forgiveness and saying it’s not my fault is eye opening.
Old patterns and feelings of self judgement and wanting to fit in run deep.
Thank you for explaining so well the steps to take to improve and to move forward in a better way.
In the moments when I forgive myself, it breaks me open. It brings a sense of peace and allows a deeper connection with those around me, helping me see others’ suffering and finding compassion for it, too. I don’t yet exist in this state permanently, but dip in and out of it as my consciousness and awareness shift but intentional awareness, practice and repetition make it easier over time.
JUDITH BOURZUTSCHKY, Coach, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA, USAsays
My worst relationship is with myself. If I am able to be compassionate I know that I will be more efficient in taking care of myself, getting work done for my job and in caring for and being with my friends and relatives. I will forgive myself for over eating and staying late, I know this is an avoidance mechanism, And as you say the current discussed that a carry towards this part of myself is not helping me become a better person. So releasing that disgust allowing myself to feel it pass through and go on and then turning around to be merciful is the way forward. I have been able to do it before but in today’s 2025 there is an even more horrible anxiety-inducing atmosphere as there was in 2020. Today it’s more than just dying of covid that we’re worried about in the US, we’re also worried about losing jobs, losing our chance to breathe clean air and water, and losing our citizenship, democracy and foreign allies. I try not to let it get to me but maybe I have to let the anxiety flow through and not resist it.
Tara you are such an inspiration to me it’s like every time I’ve been in need and asked for guidance I am provided for and this is me acknowledging my gratitude. I lived a long time from an old way of being reacting to rejection, fearing abandonment always blaming myself “ if only I was better did more, said less, said more, constantly blaming myself. I have more awareness today and can see how I learned this way of surviving as a child and yet even with this awareness I can still be triggered and act out of old ways. I’m so grateful for your gentle approach and your kind presence reminding me of the Mindful ways I can practice to help remind myself that I am a good person and what I am experiencing is from a learned way of surviving an old reaction that was Not my fault. Wow that evokes so much emotion I’ve tried so hard for the longest time to make things better blaming myself for other’s suffering. I feel such a relief and so hopeful that if I catch myself when I am triggered Pause practice your 3 steps remind myself this is not my fault and forgive myself this also leads the way to forgiving others. ❤️🙏
I think it’s important that therapists themselves recognize the extent to which they judge themselves and how that judgment affects their interactions with their clients. Therapists aren’t immune to the same suffering their clients experience, but when their suffering interacts with what their clients are dealing with, therapists (who are in a position of influence and power with clients because of the client’s vulnerability) can do a tremendous amount of harm. Heal thyself should be the first job of any therapist before that person ever sees a single client–at least a start (no one ever really arrives at total healing–it’s a life-long process).
Second time listening through. Thanks you and greatest gratitude for your wisdom and generous offerings. I appreciate the inquiry questions “does me self loathing help anything?
Merlyn Fuentes-Vergara, Social Work, Sacramento, CA, USAsays
When I brought to mind my relationship with my daughter and the guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy as a parent that I have felt for a long time, the first emotional response is a sense of pain and tears. However, I also feel a sense of ease and space around these feelings and ease that I can show up in a more whole way in this relationship.
B DGx, Counseling, GB says
I’ll be using it with myself first.
Vicki Scheffel, Another Field, ZA says
So grateful for this 🌺🌸
Lisa Castellan, Other, Burlington , NJ, USA says
I would carry less feeling I could have changed outcome of loved one’s avoiding health issues.
Elizabeth Del Rio, Psychology, PA says
I felt a little more aware that I was not a bad person…
K Hunter, Other, Boulder, CO, USA says
I’m so sensitive to wording and I appreciate how you guide your process with your words. It has created a new perspective on an issue I’ve experienced lifelong pain about. Namaste Tara. 💗
Ana Pintor, Another Field, PT says
It is not my fault realise that and try to love myself
Marci Mizrachi, Marriage/Family Therapy, PA says
Tkss so much for this great series🌺🌸
T, Another Field, CA says
Tara continues to open my eyes, ears, mind, heart. Thank you.
Amber Elsdon, Student, GB says
I find it difficult to forgive myself and I feel shameful. Will need lots of practice? Thank you Tara for the meditation.
Carolyn Lamb, Psychotherapy, GB says
Thankyou for bringing a different perspective to how we live our lives mindfully with awareness and understanding towards ourselves and others
Anna H, Counseling, GB says
A really lovely intervention, thank you
Eliz W, Counseling, GB says
thank you. how powerful to sit in the imagined presence of the other and feel forgiveness for self. accepting we are not faulty but human! forgiveness is key!
Victoria Levitt, Other, ES says
Thank you for sharing this free meditation. It is wonderful to have the possibilities for different visions, enabling a greater variation of views and widening ones horizon of comparison and understanding.
Thanking you with gratitude 🙏🏼
Jennifer Dugmore, Coach, ZA says
I realised I have been holding onto a lifelong sense that only men like me because I am horrible. My dad understood me and loved me unconditionally and my mom struggled to deal with me. In my life I have had very few female friends and have judged women harshly particularly in the workplace where I was very successful. The softer side of being a woman, loving my children deeply and being gentle only happened at home for me. I need to think about this more clearly but it is revelationary.
Catherine Imbasciati, Other, Boston, MA, USA says
FORGIVING MYSELF GIVES ME MORE PEACE AND SELF-COMPASSION. MY INCREASED SELF-COMPASSION MAKES IT EASIER TO NOT FEEL ANGRY AT MY FRIEND WHEN SHE IS YELLING AT ME OR CRITICIZING ME FOR DOING SOMETHING WRONG. MY INNER PEACE DECREASES MY ANGER AND MY NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF OR FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF – AND I CAN BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO WHAT MY FRIEND IS SAYING, OR AT LEAST NOT JUMP DOWN HER THROAT WHEN SHE IS TELLING ME THAT I AM A TERRIBLE FRIEND – AND I INTERPRET THAT TO SAY I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. I JUST HAVE TO REMEBER THAT I AM A PERSON JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND I DESERVE TO BE KIND TO MYSELF – AND MY FRIEND DESERVES TO HAVE HER OPINION WITHOUT ME CAUSING DRAMA.
Christine Engelfried, Teacher, Bellingham, WA, USA says
Deeply grateful for your insight and wisdom, Tara.
Cathy Bennett, Nursing, CA says
Thank you Tara. Your guidance is golden.
Juan Handelin, Another Field, Santa Fe, NM, USA says
Shame or guilt are terms that overstate my critical self-talk. Mindfulness helps me to be aware of my sense of smallness or unworthiness which colors presence. I am interested in practices to help to see through this hindrance. Thank you Tara.
Diane Markoff, Another Field, Chapel Hill, NC, USA says
If I can forgive myself then I can more easily reduce judgement and forgive others. I can let go of past events and be more present in the now.
Stephen Christie, Student, NZ says
Hi. I tried the exercise, with my elderly mother in mind. I told myself that although I sometimes say things that express my frustration and perhaps leave her feeling a bit hurt, I am actually doing my best. I’m not perfect in how I relate to her, but I’m doing okay overall. She loves me and I love her and we always will. Little frustrations wont change that.
Sara Portnoy, Psychology, GB says
I like Tara’s questions
Daniel Burke, Coach, Leeds, MA, USA says
I’m finding that getting rid of shame and guilt opens up new ways of connecting with others
Debbie B, Nursing, GB says
I am a nurse and just starting on my journey as a sound healing practitioner and the thing I most want to share is radical acceptance. Thank you Tara for making this freely available.
Lisa Price, Student, Nashville, TN, USA says
If I forgive myself, then I’ve given myself a fresh start: permission to leave old patterns and start anew on a more positive path
Terry Richter, Psychotherapy, Houston, TX, USA says
I liked the great questions you suggested to ask clients.
Lei Huang, Health Education, AU says
Thanks Tara for your inspirational teaching. I look forward to your course.
Wm. Jason McInnes, Other, Albuquerque, NM, USA says
I’m am a patient, not a practitioner. This topic is one I’ve put a lot of work into, for myself, and I look forward to hearing what you all have to say about it.
Cathleen Brooks, Supervisor, Warwick, NY, USA says
Grateful for you sharing healing practices!
Chet chetenglim@gmail.com, Nursing, AU says
Many thanks for the wonderful work you are doing to create a better and healthy community. It starts from one Individual to promote peace and awareness. Everyone has a story to share, and forgiveness is the key. Love your work.
Cathy Wells, Nursing, Oxnard, CA, USA says
Looking forward to your teachings on self forgiveness and mindfulness
Kath Baker, Other, GB says
It will help me to accept myself, be more vulnerable and to afford this to others
Larry lovelin, Another Field, MURRIETA, CA, USA says
Thank you for this…This program would have been really good to my relationship years ago….But we have worked out our issues and this free session that you did is the “topping on the cake.”
I am enjoying yours and Kornfield’s wise sayings on the “mindfulness daily talks”
Thank you,
Larry Lovelin
Robby Rice, Other, Lakewood, CO, USA says
if I tell myself it’s not my fault, am I avoiding responsibility?
Mary Mac Gillavry, Another Field, NL says
Thank you for sharing your helpful teachings and insights.
Candy Walker, Other, Eugene, OR, USA says
This technique of offering self forgiveness and saying it’s not my fault is eye opening.
Old patterns and feelings of self judgement and wanting to fit in run deep.
Thank you for explaining so well the steps to take to improve and to move forward in a better way.
Alison (Ali) Farquhar, Coach, Watertown, MA, USA says
In the moments when I forgive myself, it breaks me open. It brings a sense of peace and allows a deeper connection with those around me, helping me see others’ suffering and finding compassion for it, too. I don’t yet exist in this state permanently, but dip in and out of it as my consciousness and awareness shift but intentional awareness, practice and repetition make it easier over time.
JUDITH BOURZUTSCHKY, Coach, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA, USA says
My worst relationship is with myself. If I am able to be compassionate I know that I will be more efficient in taking care of myself, getting work done for my job and in caring for and being with my friends and relatives. I will forgive myself for over eating and staying late, I know this is an avoidance mechanism, And as you say the current discussed that a carry towards this part of myself is not helping me become a better person. So releasing that disgust allowing myself to feel it pass through and go on and then turning around to be merciful is the way forward. I have been able to do it before but in today’s 2025 there is an even more horrible anxiety-inducing atmosphere as there was in 2020. Today it’s more than just dying of covid that we’re worried about in the US, we’re also worried about losing jobs, losing our chance to breathe clean air and water, and losing our citizenship, democracy and foreign allies. I try not to let it get to me but maybe I have to let the anxiety flow through and not resist it.
Rob Hirsch, Medicine, CH says
Very helpful, Tara. I can personally relate to this topic and would like to work with it with a client.
Thank you for sharing your work. Best, Rob.
Zlatica Y, Other, Salisbury, MD, USA says
I would be able to express myself with kindness, genuine respect and love
STEVEN HOBBS, Psychology, SAN CARLOS, CA, USA says
Metacognition, awareness, and acceptance of emotions strengthen self-compassion.
Audrey Patrica, Coach, IE says
Tara you are such an inspiration to me it’s like every time I’ve been in need and asked for guidance I am provided for and this is me acknowledging my gratitude. I lived a long time from an old way of being reacting to rejection, fearing abandonment always blaming myself “ if only I was better did more, said less, said more, constantly blaming myself. I have more awareness today and can see how I learned this way of surviving as a child and yet even with this awareness I can still be triggered and act out of old ways. I’m so grateful for your gentle approach and your kind presence reminding me of the Mindful ways I can practice to help remind myself that I am a good person and what I am experiencing is from a learned way of surviving an old reaction that was Not my fault. Wow that evokes so much emotion I’ve tried so hard for the longest time to make things better blaming myself for other’s suffering. I feel such a relief and so hopeful that if I catch myself when I am triggered Pause practice your 3 steps remind myself this is not my fault and forgive myself this also leads the way to forgiving others. ❤️🙏
Nancy Hadsell, Clergy, Austin, TX, USA says
I think it’s important that therapists themselves recognize the extent to which they judge themselves and how that judgment affects their interactions with their clients. Therapists aren’t immune to the same suffering their clients experience, but when their suffering interacts with what their clients are dealing with, therapists (who are in a position of influence and power with clients because of the client’s vulnerability) can do a tremendous amount of harm. Heal thyself should be the first job of any therapist before that person ever sees a single client–at least a start (no one ever really arrives at total healing–it’s a life-long process).
Florie Varga, Coach, CA says
Second time listening through. Thanks you and greatest gratitude for your wisdom and generous offerings. I appreciate the inquiry questions “does me self loathing help anything?
Shari Smith, Dentistry, DE says
It’s hard to feel that compassion towards myself, I expect it will take much practice.
Jill Maciver, Nursing, AU says
Self forgiveness
Promotes self acceptance and healing
Tess Veloso, Another Field, Gwynn Oak, MD, USA says
Thank you for teaching this approach.
Merlyn Fuentes-Vergara, Social Work, Sacramento, CA, USA says
When I brought to mind my relationship with my daughter and the guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy as a parent that I have felt for a long time, the first emotional response is a sense of pain and tears. However, I also feel a sense of ease and space around these feelings and ease that I can show up in a more whole way in this relationship.
Jackie Blanchard, Occupational Therapy, KEENE, NH, USA says
Thank You
Kathleen Dubé, Psychotherapy, CA says
Softness arises, and security… it is not fatal anymore
Martha Sheffield, Teacher, King George, VA, USA says
Thank you.
Elizabeth Tomlinson, Counseling, AU says
Thank you Tara – so helpful