I lost my mother almost a year ago. I am also grieving a relationship that has changed. I don’t know how to grieve both of these things at the same time. It’s like I have to think about one or the other. My heart is heavy, and I carry so much anger. I really felt Tara’s story, understanding the loss, feeling it and letting it open you up. I have moments of that.
I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer. He was my soul mate. What has helped me is being in nature, gardening, joining a Tergar Meditation Group, protest singing and joining the Raging Grannies, walking and doing yoga, writing for our local paper, being with family and friends.
Valeria Clarke, Social Work, Cottage Grove , OR, USAsays
My strength comes from the earth, air, sky, and water. I turn to my garden when life is tough and loss is small or large. I have lost both my parents in the last 4 years. My clients losses have been intense as well. We mirror each other. I allow them and encourage them to deeply grieve and find that spark that will offer them solace. Thanks Tara.
I found meditation and yoga extremely helpful during the initial pain of loss and grief. I also found that being with a group of people who had similar losses to be very helpful. No need to explain the pain, just people who had been in similar situations who could hold space for me.
I have been walking through another “episode” of massive loss, grief through forced estrangement with my daughter, who will not allow me see my only granddaughter who is 9yo. My husband and I have helped raise her, provided extensive financial assistance to my daughter (who is a sociopath, who refuses to see she is acting out of her own childhood wounds). I have lost my daughter, who hates em and of course my beloved granddaughter whom I love and have spent my life trying to “save” her (mostly from her Mother)! I have my own history of abuse, neglect, PTSD, all of it. I did not realize the amount of grief I carry until I had a psychedelic medicine session. I felt massive amounts of grief rise up and sat with it for many hours. I know there is more. Much more. I am so fearful to even open to the grief because I do not feel “safe” within. I pray a lot but still cannot face the grief. Thank u for this course. It is timely and very helpful. God bless
Karl Marshall, Another Field, Washington, DC, USAsays
Turning inward I felt the profound love of universal ‘I AM’consciousness and was immediately enveloped in the sense of peace. In letting go of the clinging attachment to the object of my grief, the grief remained but no longer blocked out my awareness of consciousness whose peaceful nature I experience as love
Janae Erickson, Social Work, Centerville , UT, USAsays
This was a very helpful series. I would love to learn more! I want to know more about how to help those who don’t have a spiritual belief to help them heal.
I forgot something. A short prayer I composed for myself, often whispered in the middle of the night if I wake up anxious or sad: “I trust in the goodness, wisdom & perfect timing of Hamakom.”
Of the 70 names for God in the Torah, “Hamakom” roughly means “the Place. The Place in which everything is held.” I find that interpretation so comforting.
May this be a blessing for anyone who feels it resonates with their spirit.
Susan Sci, Another Field, Key Biscayne, FL, USAsays
My Faith started me on a path to understanding and along my way I learned how to meditate and further along my way I realized that the love and light and signs from my losses love ones made me feel safe and no longer alone and I understood everyone I had loved and lost were where they needed to be and where they felt the most happy.. The act of community helped me as well.
The gentle inquiry to ask of my loved ones that have transitioned to ” please help me by showing a sign of your love” resonated softly and comfort. Thank you
Lisa Panelo, Social Work, Virginia Beach, VA, USAsays
I often hear clients talk about feeling a sense of loneliness in their grief. I loved the idea of finding belonging not only with other people, but also in the sense of a larger being or sense of the world, whether it be a spiritual being or connection to nature.
Deborah Watson, Social Work, Burlingame, CA, USAsays
Thank you, Tara. I am 83 years old and identify with the loss of mobility and the limitations that old age brings. Your reflection has put me in touch with those who have mentored and held me at other moments of my life. Those holy men and women are no longer with me physically, I pray to experience their unconditional love and acceptance as I face my last great adventures.
Janet Meiselman, Psychology, Half Moon Bay, CA, USAsays
Thank you for these meaningful presentations. I work with older adults and Chaplains who work with Hospice and I have found that introducing the companionship of a spiritual counselor can be so revealing and healing for older adults facing the very end of their lives. I like your concept of the power greater than ourselves whatever that means to the individual being the spirituality, and many times for older adults it’s the communities in which they live, assisted living or senior living places that serve as a higher power. Hopefully they find fellow residents who are compassionate and aren’t afraid to acknowledge death-and provide a space for their community member to open up about the fear and uncertainty and maybe even longing for the end. I see my work as a clinical psychologist to be holding the space for meeting the older adults where they are rather than dismissing their concerns and I think Chaplains can also be quite helpful in this respect as well.
Brian Steppacher, Other, South Portland , ME, USAsays
Pause
Just stop
Tune out
Mind/body relaxed trance listen rest listen to your beating heart you are not alone
Focus
Listen to your heart
Breath in
Breath out
Linda Severz, Occupational Therapy, Bothell, WA, USAsays
I am part of your year long program and I have so appreciated these supplemental talks on grief. These are a great deeper dive for me. Thank you fir making them available.
Patricia Avery, Dentistry, Prairie Village, KS, USAsays
It’s recently been revealed that as a child, I felt left out when I couldn’t eat an orange with my cousins due to my poor digestion. I’m 74 now with a challenged digestive system on a very restricted diet. Sometimes I long for some of the forbidden foods but know I’m better without them.
Bonnie Trian, Social Work, Middletown , MD, USAsays
I look at pictures that connect me to the energy of my loved ones. Close my eyes and connect visually. Often seated in silence outside where my senses can engage with nature.
I go to a special place in nature where it is easier for me to be present with what is inside. I feel a strong connection to my source and comforted in my sorrows.
Living in American culture and experiencing pain and loss, perhaps it is a revelation that one can ask, inwardly or of a trusted other, for accompaniment on the path. Becoming a client embodies this possible “ask.” The request to feel held holds the seed of hope that there is something larger that carries ALL; we don’t have to do this alone. Moments in Nature often spark feelings of connectedness…belonging. We can be invited to notice what eternally IS, and to risk a “small turning towards that larger field of belonging,” where we find we are connected to, really part of, the larger love.
Jackie M, Another Field, Sunset beach, CA, USAsays
Placing pictures in the house, mantra chanting, prayer, unrestrained tears, focusing on Nature, looking into my own eyes through a mirror and telling the little one inside that i will always love & be with them.
Much love and gratitude for this series. My heart has opened wider with each video. The loss I worked with this time was the sudden loss of my mother when I was nearly 4 years old. With your guidance, I brought to mind the warm, loving presence of our sweet dog, Toto, whom I believe was a devoted companion through this dark time. Sitting with Toto again today was deeply comforting but also brought forth a fresh wave of sadness remembering how alone I felt as a 12-year-old when she died. I’m challenged when one layer of grief opens to another. I can feel deeply sorrowful and also warmly present to each layer, yet I’m challenged to recognize and befriend the more subtle part of me that, down deep, is waiting for the grief to go away if only I can be loving enough and soothing enough.
What has helped me feel held in hard times is being aware of what I am thinking and feeling, taking it to God in a quiet place, I journal a love letter to Him or I might sit side by side with Jesus. I talk about what I am feeling, how hard it is and ask and thank Him for being with me. Holy Spirit helps me recall scriptures – God’s promises of what He has for me, I remember to be grateful and start down a list recalling all what God has done for me. I am. uplifted, know I am not alone and unconditionally loved. I surrender it and trust Jesus to help me, recall His faithfulness and I just keep going. God never fails to come through for me.
i have been through many losses in my life. After awakening to my true self and Oneness, i have come to believe each of us has his/her own journey. The death of a person has little to do with me. it is happening to them, but there is much i can learn from this if i open myself to it. I have faith that each of us leaves this earth in a predetermined way and time. i try hard to live with radical acceptance of what is and when life interrupts a future plan or dream, well then, it is part of my lesson plan and i must accept it. i am always exactly where i should be!
I lost my sister years ago and it was so very difficult for me. I found listening to spiritual music on the way to work was a life saver for me. I poured my heart out in the car preparing myself for the day ahead. This was before I delved into Buddhists teachings which I really resonate with now and is helping me to prepare for my mother who is deteriorating rapidly. She has been in decline for a number of years and had a heart attack a couple of years ago with her heart stopping 3 times.
We have been all preparing for her leaving, we as a family. I so enjoyed this videos/talks, Tara. Thank you! I wish to be of support to my father, brother, and cousins when the time comes.
Paige Earley, Another Field, Charlotte, NC, USAsays
Connection to nature, the vastness and details all intertwined is how I feel held. I work with disenfranchised grief from child abuse and coercive control perpetrated by individuals and systems.
The grief I felt after my son’s death was unbearable pain. And I have looked for ways to escape or numb down the pain over the years since his death, During Tara’s meditation where she guided us through asking to be held allowed me to relax into the pain as I imagined myself being held. I felt the tension in my body relax and melt away, my racing mind along with it. I felt that my grief was shared and l felt less lonely, something I want to tap into again and again. I feel that the grief that I had been resisting was in fact consuming me. The sadness is still there but I did not feel like I was still trying to run from it.
This is definitely helping. I have been taught insight meditation by a Theravada monk in Sri Lanka and while I am not a monk, I hold a deep connection to the practice I have learned and that I continue. I have a son, an adult and he has muscular dystrophy and is dying slowly before my eyes every day. My way was to avoid the hurt and sad through anger. I now try to stay on my highway, and I know full well that each exit off of that highway can be the road to suffering and causing suffering to that one person I love more than anything in this world, my son. I know what I feel is just an experience and it will pass and I hope that the more I continue this insight meditation, the more it can help me just be with the pain because I know it will come and go, and it will return again and it will go again. I do not believe in God or any deity but I feel as though I am becoming quite spiritual in a Buddhist way, because that has helped me more than anything else I have ever tried in my life. It has brought me to the realization of my feelings and the understanding that I do still avoid them today, but I am working towards it because I want to make my life with my son happy and not full of suffering.
Maureen Hub, Nursing, Grosse Pointe Park, MI, USA says
Meditating on and feeling the warmth and light of love – from the goodness inside of me, and the greater world of nature
Kathy Mamat, Other, West Bloomfield , MI, USA says
Nature
Tom R, Another Field, Los Angeles , CA, USA says
the assurance of being held, we’re all waves in a vast universe and we are one with it
Julianna Roosevelt, Counseling, Irvine, CA, USA says
Holding space through meditation in small groups, including through ZOOM or merged calls
Karen Wackett, Counseling, SALISBURY, MD, USA says
Very helpful! Nature, prayer and meditation help me. I look forward to using this exercise with my clients. Thank you!
Lori A Wagner, Other, Salt Lake City, UT, USA says
Nature
Jennifer Pope, Nursing, Novato, CA, USA says
I lost my mother almost a year ago. I am also grieving a relationship that has changed. I don’t know how to grieve both of these things at the same time. It’s like I have to think about one or the other. My heart is heavy, and I carry so much anger. I really felt Tara’s story, understanding the loss, feeling it and letting it open you up. I have moments of that.
Victotia Koch, Teacher, Eugene, OR, USA says
I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer. He was my soul mate. What has helped me is being in nature, gardening, joining a Tergar Meditation Group, protest singing and joining the Raging Grannies, walking and doing yoga, writing for our local paper, being with family and friends.
Deb Smith, Other, Belfast, ME, USA says
Finding this so comforting
Valeria Clarke, Social Work, Cottage Grove , OR, USA says
My strength comes from the earth, air, sky, and water. I turn to my garden when life is tough and loss is small or large. I have lost both my parents in the last 4 years. My clients losses have been intense as well. We mirror each other. I allow them and encourage them to deeply grieve and find that spark that will offer them solace. Thanks Tara.
Beth Rooks, Other, Santa Fe, NM, USA says
I found meditation and yoga extremely helpful during the initial pain of loss and grief. I also found that being with a group of people who had similar losses to be very helpful. No need to explain the pain, just people who had been in similar situations who could hold space for me.
Kari Benson, Nursing, Spirit Lk, ID, USA says
I have been walking through another “episode” of massive loss, grief through forced estrangement with my daughter, who will not allow me see my only granddaughter who is 9yo. My husband and I have helped raise her, provided extensive financial assistance to my daughter (who is a sociopath, who refuses to see she is acting out of her own childhood wounds). I have lost my daughter, who hates em and of course my beloved granddaughter whom I love and have spent my life trying to “save” her (mostly from her Mother)! I have my own history of abuse, neglect, PTSD, all of it. I did not realize the amount of grief I carry until I had a psychedelic medicine session. I felt massive amounts of grief rise up and sat with it for many hours. I know there is more. Much more. I am so fearful to even open to the grief because I do not feel “safe” within. I pray a lot but still cannot face the grief. Thank u for this course. It is timely and very helpful. God bless
Catherine Stehr, Counseling, Issaquah, WA, USA says
I breathed easier as I turned into the presence. I look forward to sharing this with clients
Terry Richter, Social Work, Houston, TX, USA says
Very helpful to use with clients.
Audrey Kuppenbender, Other, ANTIOCH, CA, USA says
Hand on my heart and breathing. Just allowing. I find comfort and strength in space of allowing.
Jordan Ferguson, Social Work, St. Louis, MO, USA says
So helpful! Thank you!
Karl Marshall, Another Field, Washington, DC, USA says
Turning inward I felt the profound love of universal ‘I AM’consciousness and was immediately enveloped in the sense of peace. In letting go of the clinging attachment to the object of my grief, the grief remained but no longer blocked out my awareness of consciousness whose peaceful nature I experience as love
Elizabeth Kinchen, Other, Billerica , MA, USA says
These videos are so loving and supportive. Thank you!
Janae Erickson, Social Work, Centerville , UT, USA says
This was a very helpful series. I would love to learn more! I want to know more about how to help those who don’t have a spiritual belief to help them heal.
Deb Langhans, Coach, FRIDAY HARBOR, WA, USA says
I forgot something. A short prayer I composed for myself, often whispered in the middle of the night if I wake up anxious or sad: “I trust in the goodness, wisdom & perfect timing of Hamakom.”
Of the 70 names for God in the Torah, “Hamakom” roughly means “the Place. The Place in which everything is held.” I find that interpretation so comforting.
May this be a blessing for anyone who feels it resonates with their spirit.
🙏🏻💌 Deb~
Susan Sci, Another Field, Key Biscayne, FL, USA says
My Faith started me on a path to understanding and along my way I learned how to meditate and further along my way I realized that the love and light and signs from my losses love ones made me feel safe and no longer alone and I understood everyone I had loved and lost were where they needed to be and where they felt the most happy.. The act of community helped me as well.
Deb Langhans, Coach, FRIDAY HARBOR, WA, USA says
This sacred refuge prayer/visualization is powerful. Many thanx, Tara. Your spirit & beautiful gentle languaging are so helpful.
🙏🏻💌
Deb~
Regina Shipman, Coach, Berkeley, CA, USA says
The gentle inquiry to ask of my loved ones that have transitioned to ” please help me by showing a sign of your love” resonated softly and comfort. Thank you
Lisa Panelo, Social Work, Virginia Beach, VA, USA says
I often hear clients talk about feeling a sense of loneliness in their grief. I loved the idea of finding belonging not only with other people, but also in the sense of a larger being or sense of the world, whether it be a spiritual being or connection to nature.
Deborah Watson, Social Work, Burlingame, CA, USA says
Thank you, Tara. I am 83 years old and identify with the loss of mobility and the limitations that old age brings. Your reflection has put me in touch with those who have mentored and held me at other moments of my life. Those holy men and women are no longer with me physically, I pray to experience their unconditional love and acceptance as I face my last great adventures.
janet mcfarland, Another Field, salmon, ID, USA says
closing off lacking trust feeling emotional confrontation
Janet Meiselman, Psychology, Half Moon Bay, CA, USA says
Thank you for these meaningful presentations. I work with older adults and Chaplains who work with Hospice and I have found that introducing the companionship of a spiritual counselor can be so revealing and healing for older adults facing the very end of their lives. I like your concept of the power greater than ourselves whatever that means to the individual being the spirituality, and many times for older adults it’s the communities in which they live, assisted living or senior living places that serve as a higher power. Hopefully they find fellow residents who are compassionate and aren’t afraid to acknowledge death-and provide a space for their community member to open up about the fear and uncertainty and maybe even longing for the end. I see my work as a clinical psychologist to be holding the space for meeting the older adults where they are rather than dismissing their concerns and I think Chaplains can also be quite helpful in this respect as well.
Mary Rice, Counseling, Mount Vernon, WA, USA says
Thank you for this beautiful reflection.
KC Richards, Other, Idaho Falls, ID, USA says
I love the image of a “tendril” of connection and belonging available to me even in the deepest waves of grief. Thank you.
Brian Steppacher, Other, South Portland , ME, USA says
Pause
Just stop
Tune out
Mind/body relaxed trance listen rest listen to your beating heart you are not alone
Focus
Listen to your heart
Breath in
Breath out
Brian Steppacher, Other, South Portland , ME, USA says
Pause
Just stop
Tune out
Mind/body relaxed trance listen rest listen to your beating heart you are not alone
Focus
Listen to your heart
Linda Severz, Occupational Therapy, Bothell, WA, USA says
I am part of your year long program and I have so appreciated these supplemental talks on grief. These are a great deeper dive for me. Thank you fir making them available.
Patricia Avery, Dentistry, Prairie Village, KS, USA says
It’s recently been revealed that as a child, I felt left out when I couldn’t eat an orange with my cousins due to my poor digestion. I’m 74 now with a challenged digestive system on a very restricted diet. Sometimes I long for some of the forbidden foods but know I’m better without them.
Bonnie Trian, Social Work, Middletown , MD, USA says
I look at pictures that connect me to the energy of my loved ones. Close my eyes and connect visually. Often seated in silence outside where my senses can engage with nature.
Erika Ellis, Psychotherapy, Ottumwa, IA, USA says
I go to a special place in nature where it is easier for me to be present with what is inside. I feel a strong connection to my source and comforted in my sorrows.
Linda Rose, Another Field, Boston, MA, USA says
Living in American culture and experiencing pain and loss, perhaps it is a revelation that one can ask, inwardly or of a trusted other, for accompaniment on the path. Becoming a client embodies this possible “ask.” The request to feel held holds the seed of hope that there is something larger that carries ALL; we don’t have to do this alone. Moments in Nature often spark feelings of connectedness…belonging. We can be invited to notice what eternally IS, and to risk a “small turning towards that larger field of belonging,” where we find we are connected to, really part of, the larger love.
Peter Copeland, Another Field, Washinngton, DC, USA says
Nature
Jackie M, Another Field, Sunset beach, CA, USA says
Placing pictures in the house, mantra chanting, prayer, unrestrained tears, focusing on Nature, looking into my own eyes through a mirror and telling the little one inside that i will always love & be with them.
Deborah King, Psychology, Rochester, NY, USA says
Much love and gratitude for this series. My heart has opened wider with each video. The loss I worked with this time was the sudden loss of my mother when I was nearly 4 years old. With your guidance, I brought to mind the warm, loving presence of our sweet dog, Toto, whom I believe was a devoted companion through this dark time. Sitting with Toto again today was deeply comforting but also brought forth a fresh wave of sadness remembering how alone I felt as a 12-year-old when she died. I’m challenged when one layer of grief opens to another. I can feel deeply sorrowful and also warmly present to each layer, yet I’m challenged to recognize and befriend the more subtle part of me that, down deep, is waiting for the grief to go away if only I can be loving enough and soothing enough.
Deborah Kennedy, Nursing, Powell, OH, USA says
What has helped me feel held in hard times is being aware of what I am thinking and feeling, taking it to God in a quiet place, I journal a love letter to Him or I might sit side by side with Jesus. I talk about what I am feeling, how hard it is and ask and thank Him for being with me. Holy Spirit helps me recall scriptures – God’s promises of what He has for me, I remember to be grateful and start down a list recalling all what God has done for me. I am. uplifted, know I am not alone and unconditionally loved. I surrender it and trust Jesus to help me, recall His faithfulness and I just keep going. God never fails to come through for me.
Carol P, Dietetics, Antioch , CA, USA says
I turn within and find the love I have for my beloved. I stay there and converse and cry. it’s bitter sweet. it’s all I have of him. I go there daily.
Penny Moers, Psychotherapy, Pleasureville, KY, USA says
i have been through many losses in my life. After awakening to my true self and Oneness, i have come to believe each of us has his/her own journey. The death of a person has little to do with me. it is happening to them, but there is much i can learn from this if i open myself to it. I have faith that each of us leaves this earth in a predetermined way and time. i try hard to live with radical acceptance of what is and when life interrupts a future plan or dream, well then, it is part of my lesson plan and i must accept it. i am always exactly where i should be!
Sara Leaf, Physical Therapy, Seattle, WA, USA says
Thank you. I felt a softening, and a release of the mental grip on the story. This felt like a loosening of fear and an opening to love.
Janet Robertson, Another Field, Lumberton, NJ, USA says
I felt a small bit of opening to release from fear and dread.
Barbara S., Other, Crystal River, FL, USA says
I lost my sister years ago and it was so very difficult for me. I found listening to spiritual music on the way to work was a life saver for me. I poured my heart out in the car preparing myself for the day ahead. This was before I delved into Buddhists teachings which I really resonate with now and is helping me to prepare for my mother who is deteriorating rapidly. She has been in decline for a number of years and had a heart attack a couple of years ago with her heart stopping 3 times.
We have been all preparing for her leaving, we as a family. I so enjoyed this videos/talks, Tara. Thank you! I wish to be of support to my father, brother, and cousins when the time comes.
Bill McLaurin, Psychology, Kernersville, NC, USA says
Encountering embodied presence as a portal to homecoming to truth and love.
Paige Earley, Another Field, Charlotte, NC, USA says
Connection to nature, the vastness and details all intertwined is how I feel held. I work with disenfranchised grief from child abuse and coercive control perpetrated by individuals and systems.
T, Other, Weir, TX, USA says
The grief I felt after my son’s death was unbearable pain. And I have looked for ways to escape or numb down the pain over the years since his death, During Tara’s meditation where she guided us through asking to be held allowed me to relax into the pain as I imagined myself being held. I felt the tension in my body relax and melt away, my racing mind along with it. I felt that my grief was shared and l felt less lonely, something I want to tap into again and again. I feel that the grief that I had been resisting was in fact consuming me. The sadness is still there but I did not feel like I was still trying to run from it.
Jennifer Reid, Teacher, Kansas City, KS, USA says
I’m so happy for you that you felt that relief. ❤️
Noreen O'Brien, Other, Richmond, VA, USA says
This is definitely helping. I have been taught insight meditation by a Theravada monk in Sri Lanka and while I am not a monk, I hold a deep connection to the practice I have learned and that I continue. I have a son, an adult and he has muscular dystrophy and is dying slowly before my eyes every day. My way was to avoid the hurt and sad through anger. I now try to stay on my highway, and I know full well that each exit off of that highway can be the road to suffering and causing suffering to that one person I love more than anything in this world, my son. I know what I feel is just an experience and it will pass and I hope that the more I continue this insight meditation, the more it can help me just be with the pain because I know it will come and go, and it will return again and it will go again. I do not believe in God or any deity but I feel as though I am becoming quite spiritual in a Buddhist way, because that has helped me more than anything else I have ever tried in my life. It has brought me to the realization of my feelings and the understanding that I do still avoid them today, but I am working towards it because I want to make my life with my son happy and not full of suffering.
Cynthia Baker, Psychology, Newport Beach , CA, USA says
Sunset hikes, beach walks, early morning quiet and meditation, time with dear friends, writing, reading