Nikki Navarre, Another Field, Alexandria, VA, USAsays
I used the U turn practice to extend compassion to myself for a painful situation that happened at work when several colleagues I had tried to help seemed to turn on me. The practice softened my sense of betrayal, frustration and anger as I stopped “trying to forgive” (which my hurt self has resisted) and focused on self-compassion instead. I could also see how their situation, including my own actions, caused them to feel their leg in a trap.
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame?
I would be who I am today, even though I continue to be a work in progress.
I am grateful to all my teachers and counselors and fellow travelers who’ve helped me along on my journeys;there is still so much to learn.
Namaste, everyone🙏🙂↕️
Nicole Lightfoot, Counseling, Los Angeles , CA, USAsays
Compassion for self and others is so important to freeing ourselves from the weight of shame and other strong emotions. I’m curious to know what the next step to healing is after that.
My mother has always been critical of me. I can never do anything to make her happy. I spent my life chasing her love. I now see how unhappy she is. Instead of trying to win her approval and love, I made the U-turn to compassion and kindness. I understand I am not the cause of her unhappiness. At first she was not happy with the change in my behavior. She wanted me to be miserable. When I treated her with kindness, she began to notice. She will never truly be happy. I can’t control that but I can feel love and compassion for her and to respond to her in a kind manner and give myself compassion when she is hurtful.
When I sat with letting go of judgment & blame, I immediately felt my heart open & released a pile of fear. I saw that the judgment & blame were holding the fear in place. Next, my heart and core opened and I felt this open genuine curiosity arise & saw myself leaning in & truly seeing the person in front of me, who’s reacting. Rather than bracing and being on guard, I felt a harmonious blending. Thank you so much for this question. I really appreciate the process. It took me through.
I would be someone who is at peace with herself and others. I’d really like to let go of judgment, both self-judgment and judgment of others. Compassion is a word to work with.
I try really hard not to judge and to forgive, but it’s hard to forget. I think experiencing peeling back and looking at blame was hard, but seeing the trap they are caught in changed my perception a bit. I think this may let me be less defensive and vigilant of crossing my boundaries, so I can explain my needs hopefully rather than shutting down or getting angry and hurt.
I found the U-turn practice surprisingly easy …after years of dabbling in mindfulness practice, this tool was a sweet reward. Finally not caught in anger or people pleasing to find my safety in “unsafe” situations, I was able to turn around and face me and offer listening and self compassion …. And then, just as easily, I could see the person I shared conflict with and open to tenderness. Liberating!
Thank you for the analogy of the dog in the trap. I do attempt to look at the hurts in someone if I feel they have been harsh. I also look at any hurts that have provoked me in being unskillful. It’s work that gets to keep going as I learn to refine more and more.
Ruth Housman, Counseling, Las Cruces, NM 88001, USA, NM, USAsays
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame? I would be able to touch into my vulnerability. self-forgiveness, and self-compassion which would lead to be able to give that to others.
It’s not easy and I will need lots of practice but even this video with limited practice I changed the way I spoke with my spouse about a conflict. Thank you.
Underneath the blame and judgement I have fear. Once I face the fear I uncover my own strength and self-reliance to a better future…and the hate and resentment is no longer there- thank you
Thank you for walking me through my difficult feelings and for seeing my fear and vulnerability and the vulnerability of my husband who is suffering. Bless you
Kate seder, Another Field, Shrewsbury, MA, USAsays
I grew up with a narcissist parent, my mom, who is now deceased. Never really had a “real” conversation with her, she never let me in to see herself. My dad was brought up in a very strict household. Not to much room for any gray area when it came to life. Pretty much black and white. To top it off I’m a only child. So here I am, at 67, practicing mindfullness meditation and attempting to practice the suggestions from these videos.
It’s such a wonderful reminder to tap into what we are feeling when we encounter someone we’ve struggled to have a real relationship with. And then if we can try to “put ourselves in that other person’s shoes”, I think a shift can begin to heal the relationship. Thank you Tara 💖
Lisa Brattin
Without the fear I feel under the blame and judgement, I find an ability to see more clearly and understand other and the “trap on their leg”. Also, feel such acceptance of the underlying fear. Thank you.
Thank you, Tara, for your Wisdom + Compassion in action. The warmth of your lovingkindness has such Healing Energy. I am deeply grateful for the stories & practices you share so generously. You have helped me and untold others move through pain/blame/suffering, and into Compassion – for oneself & for those struggling with their ‘human beingness’ in such a challengingly complex world. Blessings to all.
~ Joan K, Charlottesville VA
Thank you for your beautiful practices, Tara. They helped me open up to my vulnerability and pain. Not in a defeated way, not as a victim, but in an openhearted and tender way, so I could feel the visceral sensations, shed tears, and feel compassion for this vulnerable part of myself, and in turn, to also feel a similar tenderness towards the person I have had conflict with. Thank you!
Josephine Navarro, Teacher, Bay Shore, NY, USAsays
After listening to Shifting out of BIame to Self-Compassion. I realize that most of my life I was looking for the love, support and acceptance I feel I didn’t get from my mother or my father. It is nothing short of a revelation that what I needed was to give these important feelings to myself in order to be truly myself at the deepest level. Thank you, Tara, for your insight and your dedication to helping people live true to themselves.
Thank you so much for presenting this! I’m grateful for the professionals that share these insights that are so helpful! I think it’s interesting to know how God has brought me through these same exercises in addressing my inner conflicts over the years even though I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening.And I love seeing how you articulate it to help me understand why the process was so effective! Thank you!
I would left to face my vulnerabilities, sense the pain of the inner child I left behind who haunted me. But I also know if I could just sit with all that, I could find myself firmly grounded within myself.
If I let go of self-judgment and chronic blame I would become the highest vibrational form of myself. I would not exhaust myself and be able to enjoy my life by cultivating my creativity through art, dance and writing.
I found it difficult to feel my own responses — the videos were too distracting. I’ve done some of this work with a therapist and it was powerful. I don’t feel it would work for me on video.
It would be so liberating because I carry immense shame for being judgmental and blaming. It would free up so much capacity to be spontaneously joyful, loving, and peaceful.
“Who would I be?” feels like the wrong question. It implies non-acceptance of who I am. Perhaps the question What would my experience of my life be?” would lead me to focus not on “being” different, but feeling different, with greater peace, joy, self-acceptance and compassion.
Thank you for these beautiful teachings and for the wisdom that comes through.
I would have a more pleasant feeling toward myself and others. I perhaps would sleep better. I’m working on it and as it would be, the universe is providing lots of opportunities to dive into this practice.
Excellent facilitation. Timeless work.
I would be able to let go of the blame and shift to self-compassion.
I used the U turn practice to extend compassion to myself for a painful situation that happened at work when several colleagues I had tried to help seemed to turn on me. The practice softened my sense of betrayal, frustration and anger as I stopped “trying to forgive” (which my hurt self has resisted) and focused on self-compassion instead. I could also see how their situation, including my own actions, caused them to feel their leg in a trap.
Liberating. Thank you.
I could be the loving, nurturing friend, wife and mother I want to be. I could feel truly lovable.
I would be my unblended, unburdened loving Self
This landed at the right time for me as I struggle with a transitional time in my longtime marriage.
I love the simplicity of the 2 step process toward compassion to self and others. So needed in a world full of anger and harshness.
I am grateful for my mentors who have shown me how holding onto my past continued to hurt me in the present. Able to pass this on to my clients.
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame?
I would be who I am today, even though I continue to be a work in progress.
I am grateful to all my teachers and counselors and fellow travelers who’ve helped me along on my journeys;there is still so much to learn.
Namaste, everyone🙏🙂↕️
Compassion for self and others is so important to freeing ourselves from the weight of shame and other strong emotions. I’m curious to know what the next step to healing is after that.
I want to let go of old anger over break up.
It will help me break down the walls I have built to “protect” myself from being hurt
A happier woman. Able to self heal from my experiences.
My mother has always been critical of me. I can never do anything to make her happy. I spent my life chasing her love. I now see how unhappy she is. Instead of trying to win her approval and love, I made the U-turn to compassion and kindness. I understand I am not the cause of her unhappiness. At first she was not happy with the change in my behavior. She wanted me to be miserable. When I treated her with kindness, she began to notice. She will never truly be happy. I can’t control that but I can feel love and compassion for her and to respond to her in a kind manner and give myself compassion when she is hurtful.
i could die happy if follow your advice!
I was able to see my mom with her leg in a trap, so thank you for the exercises.
When I sat with letting go of judgment & blame, I immediately felt my heart open & released a pile of fear. I saw that the judgment & blame were holding the fear in place. Next, my heart and core opened and I felt this open genuine curiosity arise & saw myself leaning in & truly seeing the person in front of me, who’s reacting. Rather than bracing and being on guard, I felt a harmonious blending. Thank you so much for this question. I really appreciate the process. It took me through.
This was really wonderful, Tara. Thank you.
Andy
I would be someone who is at peace with herself and others. I’d really like to let go of judgment, both self-judgment and judgment of others. Compassion is a word to work with.
Wonderful…
I felt more love and compassion for the person with whom I have felt conflict, and a softening for myself and my own reactivity.
I would be a free woman
I try really hard not to judge and to forgive, but it’s hard to forget. I think experiencing peeling back and looking at blame was hard, but seeing the trap they are caught in changed my perception a bit. I think this may let me be less defensive and vigilant of crossing my boundaries, so I can explain my needs hopefully rather than shutting down or getting angry and hurt.
I found the U-turn practice surprisingly easy …after years of dabbling in mindfulness practice, this tool was a sweet reward. Finally not caught in anger or people pleasing to find my safety in “unsafe” situations, I was able to turn around and face me and offer listening and self compassion …. And then, just as easily, I could see the person I shared conflict with and open to tenderness. Liberating!
This was a very accessible and helpful process that motivated me to continue pursuing this “U-Turn” process in my daily meditation practice v
Thank you for the analogy of the dog in the trap. I do attempt to look at the hurts in someone if I feel they have been harsh. I also look at any hurts that have provoked me in being unskillful. It’s work that gets to keep going as I learn to refine more and more.
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame? I would be able to touch into my vulnerability. self-forgiveness, and self-compassion which would lead to be able to give that to others.
It’s not easy and I will need lots of practice but even this video with limited practice I changed the way I spoke with my spouse about a conflict. Thank you.
Underneath the blame and judgement I have fear. Once I face the fear I uncover my own strength and self-reliance to a better future…and the hate and resentment is no longer there- thank you
The U-turn exercise was really helpful. I saw the situation in new ways.
Thank you for walking me through my difficult feelings and for seeing my fear and vulnerability and the vulnerability of my husband who is suffering. Bless you
I grew up with a narcissist parent, my mom, who is now deceased. Never really had a “real” conversation with her, she never let me in to see herself. My dad was brought up in a very strict household. Not to much room for any gray area when it came to life. Pretty much black and white. To top it off I’m a only child. So here I am, at 67, practicing mindfullness meditation and attempting to practice the suggestions from these videos.
Thank you for the lessons
Self Love
Boundaries
Radical Acceptance
It’s such a wonderful reminder to tap into what we are feeling when we encounter someone we’ve struggled to have a real relationship with. And then if we can try to “put ourselves in that other person’s shoes”, I think a shift can begin to heal the relationship. Thank you Tara 💖
Lisa Brattin
Without the fear I feel under the blame and judgement, I find an ability to see more clearly and understand other and the “trap on their leg”. Also, feel such acceptance of the underlying fear. Thank you.
Thank you, Tara, for your Wisdom + Compassion in action. The warmth of your lovingkindness has such Healing Energy. I am deeply grateful for the stories & practices you share so generously. You have helped me and untold others move through pain/blame/suffering, and into Compassion – for oneself & for those struggling with their ‘human beingness’ in such a challengingly complex world. Blessings to all.
~ Joan K, Charlottesville VA
Thank you for your beautiful practices, Tara. They helped me open up to my vulnerability and pain. Not in a defeated way, not as a victim, but in an openhearted and tender way, so I could feel the visceral sensations, shed tears, and feel compassion for this vulnerable part of myself, and in turn, to also feel a similar tenderness towards the person I have had conflict with. Thank you!
More free and able to appreciate positive emotions within me and not feel so isolated bc Im spending so much time trying to “fix” me or others
After listening to Shifting out of BIame to Self-Compassion. I realize that most of my life I was looking for the love, support and acceptance I feel I didn’t get from my mother or my father. It is nothing short of a revelation that what I needed was to give these important feelings to myself in order to be truly myself at the deepest level. Thank you, Tara, for your insight and your dedication to helping people live true to themselves.
Thank you so much for presenting this! I’m grateful for the professionals that share these insights that are so helpful! I think it’s interesting to know how God has brought me through these same exercises in addressing my inner conflicts over the years even though I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening.And I love seeing how you articulate it to help me understand why the process was so effective! Thank you!
I would left to face my vulnerabilities, sense the pain of the inner child I left behind who haunted me. But I also know if I could just sit with all that, I could find myself firmly grounded within myself.
If I let go of self-judgment and chronic blame I would become the highest vibrational form of myself. I would not exhaust myself and be able to enjoy my life by cultivating my creativity through art, dance and writing.
Without the judgment and chronic blame i would be loving awareness.
I found it difficult to feel my own responses — the videos were too distracting. I’ve done some of this work with a therapist and it was powerful. I don’t feel it would work for me on video.
I felt a profound compassion for my inner child.
Thank you.
There was grief over the loss. Understanding that it is right to feel that way, but fear of it should not hinder new experiences.
It would be so liberating because I carry immense shame for being judgmental and blaming. It would free up so much capacity to be spontaneously joyful, loving, and peaceful.
“Who would I be?” feels like the wrong question. It implies non-acceptance of who I am. Perhaps the question What would my experience of my life be?” would lead me to focus not on “being” different, but feeling different, with greater peace, joy, self-acceptance and compassion.
Thank you for these beautiful teachings and for the wisdom that comes through.
I would have a more pleasant feeling toward myself and others. I perhaps would sleep better. I’m working on it and as it would be, the universe is providing lots of opportunities to dive into this practice.