Nikki Navarre, Another Field, Alexandria, VA, USAsays
I used the U turn practice to extend compassion to myself for a painful situation that happened at work when several colleagues I had tried to help seemed to turn on me. The practice softened my sense of betrayal, frustration and anger as I stopped “trying to forgive” (which my hurt self has resisted) and focused on self-compassion instead. I could also see how their situation, including my own actions, caused them to feel their leg in a trap.
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame?
I would be who I am today, even though I continue to be a work in progress.
I am grateful to all my teachers and counselors and fellow travelers who’ve helped me along on my journeys;there is still so much to learn.
Namaste, everyone🙏🙂↕️
Nicole Lightfoot, Counseling, Los Angeles , CA, USAsays
Compassion for self and others is so important to freeing ourselves from the weight of shame and other strong emotions. I’m curious to know what the next step to healing is after that.
My mother has always been critical of me. I can never do anything to make her happy. I spent my life chasing her love. I now see how unhappy she is. Instead of trying to win her approval and love, I made the U-turn to compassion and kindness. I understand I am not the cause of her unhappiness. At first she was not happy with the change in my behavior. She wanted me to be miserable. When I treated her with kindness, she began to notice. She will never truly be happy. I can’t control that but I can feel love and compassion for her and to respond to her in a kind manner and give myself compassion when she is hurtful.
When I sat with letting go of judgment & blame, I immediately felt my heart open & released a pile of fear. I saw that the judgment & blame were holding the fear in place. Next, my heart and core opened and I felt this open genuine curiosity arise & saw myself leaning in & truly seeing the person in front of me, who’s reacting. Rather than bracing and being on guard, I felt a harmonious blending. Thank you so much for this question. I really appreciate the process. It took me through.
I would be someone who is at peace with herself and others. I’d really like to let go of judgment, both self-judgment and judgment of others. Compassion is a word to work with.
I try really hard not to judge and to forgive, but it’s hard to forget. I think experiencing peeling back and looking at blame was hard, but seeing the trap they are caught in changed my perception a bit. I think this may let me be less defensive and vigilant of crossing my boundaries, so I can explain my needs hopefully rather than shutting down or getting angry and hurt.
I found the U-turn practice surprisingly easy …after years of dabbling in mindfulness practice, this tool was a sweet reward. Finally not caught in anger or people pleasing to find my safety in “unsafe” situations, I was able to turn around and face me and offer listening and self compassion …. And then, just as easily, I could see the person I shared conflict with and open to tenderness. Liberating!
Thank you for the analogy of the dog in the trap. I do attempt to look at the hurts in someone if I feel they have been harsh. I also look at any hurts that have provoked me in being unskillful. It’s work that gets to keep going as I learn to refine more and more.
Ruth Housman, Counseling, Las Cruces, NM 88001, USA, NM, USAsays
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame? I would be able to touch into my vulnerability. self-forgiveness, and self-compassion which would lead to be able to give that to others.
It’s not easy and I will need lots of practice but even this video with limited practice I changed the way I spoke with my spouse about a conflict. Thank you.
Underneath the blame and judgement I have fear. Once I face the fear I uncover my own strength and self-reliance to a better future…and the hate and resentment is no longer there- thank you
Thank you for walking me through my difficult feelings and for seeing my fear and vulnerability and the vulnerability of my husband who is suffering. Bless you
Kate seder, Another Field, Shrewsbury, MA, USAsays
I grew up with a narcissist parent, my mom, who is now deceased. Never really had a “real” conversation with her, she never let me in to see herself. My dad was brought up in a very strict household. Not to much room for any gray area when it came to life. Pretty much black and white. To top it off I’m a only child. So here I am, at 67, practicing mindfullness meditation and attempting to practice the suggestions from these videos.
It’s such a wonderful reminder to tap into what we are feeling when we encounter someone we’ve struggled to have a real relationship with. And then if we can try to “put ourselves in that other person’s shoes”, I think a shift can begin to heal the relationship. Thank you Tara 💖
Lisa Brattin
Without the fear I feel under the blame and judgement, I find an ability to see more clearly and understand other and the “trap on their leg”. Also, feel such acceptance of the underlying fear. Thank you.
Thank you, Tara, for your Wisdom + Compassion in action. The warmth of your lovingkindness has such Healing Energy. I am deeply grateful for the stories & practices you share so generously. You have helped me and untold others move through pain/blame/suffering, and into Compassion – for oneself & for those struggling with their ‘human beingness’ in such a challengingly complex world. Blessings to all.
~ Joan K, Charlottesville VA
Thank you for your beautiful practices, Tara. They helped me open up to my vulnerability and pain. Not in a defeated way, not as a victim, but in an openhearted and tender way, so I could feel the visceral sensations, shed tears, and feel compassion for this vulnerable part of myself, and in turn, to also feel a similar tenderness towards the person I have had conflict with. Thank you!
Josephine Navarro, Teacher, Bay Shore, NY, USAsays
After listening to Shifting out of BIame to Self-Compassion. I realize that most of my life I was looking for the love, support and acceptance I feel I didn’t get from my mother or my father. It is nothing short of a revelation that what I needed was to give these important feelings to myself in order to be truly myself at the deepest level. Thank you, Tara, for your insight and your dedication to helping people live true to themselves.
Thank you so much for presenting this! I’m grateful for the professionals that share these insights that are so helpful! I think it’s interesting to know how God has brought me through these same exercises in addressing my inner conflicts over the years even though I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening.And I love seeing how you articulate it to help me understand why the process was so effective! Thank you!
I would left to face my vulnerabilities, sense the pain of the inner child I left behind who haunted me. But I also know if I could just sit with all that, I could find myself firmly grounded within myself.
If I let go of self-judgment and chronic blame I would become the highest vibrational form of myself. I would not exhaust myself and be able to enjoy my life by cultivating my creativity through art, dance and writing.
I found it difficult to feel my own responses — the videos were too distracting. I’ve done some of this work with a therapist and it was powerful. I don’t feel it would work for me on video.
It would be so liberating because I carry immense shame for being judgmental and blaming. It would free up so much capacity to be spontaneously joyful, loving, and peaceful.
“Who would I be?” feels like the wrong question. It implies non-acceptance of who I am. Perhaps the question What would my experience of my life be?” would lead me to focus not on “being” different, but feeling different, with greater peace, joy, self-acceptance and compassion.
Thank you for these beautiful teachings and for the wisdom that comes through.
I would have a more pleasant feeling toward myself and others. I perhaps would sleep better. I’m working on it and as it would be, the universe is providing lots of opportunities to dive into this practice.
Sabrina Stein, Marriage/Family Therapy, Portland, OR, USA says
Excellent facilitation. Timeless work.
Karen Dorsey, Counseling, SCOTTSDALE, AZ, USA says
I would be able to let go of the blame and shift to self-compassion.
Nikki Navarre, Another Field, Alexandria, VA, USA says
I used the U turn practice to extend compassion to myself for a painful situation that happened at work when several colleagues I had tried to help seemed to turn on me. The practice softened my sense of betrayal, frustration and anger as I stopped “trying to forgive” (which my hurt self has resisted) and focused on self-compassion instead. I could also see how their situation, including my own actions, caused them to feel their leg in a trap.
Jody Gallaway, Psychotherapy, Sheboygan, WI, USA says
Liberating. Thank you.
Lisa Weinger, Teacher, Nashville, TN, USA says
I could be the loving, nurturing friend, wife and mother I want to be. I could feel truly lovable.
terri g, Psychotherapy, Berryville, VA, USA says
I would be my unblended, unburdened loving Self
Ellie DesPrez, Teacher, St Louis, MO, USA says
This landed at the right time for me as I struggle with a transitional time in my longtime marriage.
Kathy Shoemaker, Counseling, New Brunswick, NJ, USA says
I love the simplicity of the 2 step process toward compassion to self and others. So needed in a world full of anger and harshness.
Cheryl Cohen, Psychology, Carnegie , PA, USA says
I am grateful for my mentors who have shown me how holding onto my past continued to hurt me in the present. Able to pass this on to my clients.
Buzz W., Other, Estes Park, CO, USA says
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame?
I would be who I am today, even though I continue to be a work in progress.
I am grateful to all my teachers and counselors and fellow travelers who’ve helped me along on my journeys;there is still so much to learn.
Namaste, everyone🙏🙂↕️
Nicole Lightfoot, Counseling, Los Angeles , CA, USA says
Compassion for self and others is so important to freeing ourselves from the weight of shame and other strong emotions. I’m curious to know what the next step to healing is after that.
Jeanette Barker, Other, Washington, DC, USA says
I want to let go of old anger over break up.
Dawn Cook, Nursing, Oakland, CA, USA says
It will help me break down the walls I have built to “protect” myself from being hurt
Sharron Kochman, Coach, Fair Oaks, CA, USA says
A happier woman. Able to self heal from my experiences.
Elizabeth Capps, Other, Fort Mill, SC, USA says
My mother has always been critical of me. I can never do anything to make her happy. I spent my life chasing her love. I now see how unhappy she is. Instead of trying to win her approval and love, I made the U-turn to compassion and kindness. I understand I am not the cause of her unhappiness. At first she was not happy with the change in my behavior. She wanted me to be miserable. When I treated her with kindness, she began to notice. She will never truly be happy. I can’t control that but I can feel love and compassion for her and to respond to her in a kind manner and give myself compassion when she is hurtful.
Nathalie Bailey, Teacher, W Orange , NJ, USA says
i could die happy if follow your advice!
pamela owens, Health Education, Lafayette, CA, USA says
I was able to see my mom with her leg in a trap, so thank you for the exercises.
Kathleen Ku, Coach, Columbus , OH, USA says
When I sat with letting go of judgment & blame, I immediately felt my heart open & released a pile of fear. I saw that the judgment & blame were holding the fear in place. Next, my heart and core opened and I felt this open genuine curiosity arise & saw myself leaning in & truly seeing the person in front of me, who’s reacting. Rather than bracing and being on guard, I felt a harmonious blending. Thank you so much for this question. I really appreciate the process. It took me through.
Andy Banks, Other, Annapolis, MD, USA says
This was really wonderful, Tara. Thank you.
Andy
Susan Rust, Other, Colorado Springs, CO, USA says
I would be someone who is at peace with herself and others. I’d really like to let go of judgment, both self-judgment and judgment of others. Compassion is a word to work with.
Rodolfo Cruz, Other, PR says
Wonderful…
A. G., Other, GWYNEDD, PA, USA says
I felt more love and compassion for the person with whom I have felt conflict, and a softening for myself and my own reactivity.
Batya Weinbaum, Other, Gulfport, FL, USA says
I would be a free woman
K V, Another Field, Puyallup, WA, USA says
I try really hard not to judge and to forgive, but it’s hard to forget. I think experiencing peeling back and looking at blame was hard, but seeing the trap they are caught in changed my perception a bit. I think this may let me be less defensive and vigilant of crossing my boundaries, so I can explain my needs hopefully rather than shutting down or getting angry and hurt.
Cyn Beck, Nursing, Albuquerque, NM, USA says
I found the U-turn practice surprisingly easy …after years of dabbling in mindfulness practice, this tool was a sweet reward. Finally not caught in anger or people pleasing to find my safety in “unsafe” situations, I was able to turn around and face me and offer listening and self compassion …. And then, just as easily, I could see the person I shared conflict with and open to tenderness. Liberating!
Chris Collins, Health Education, LAGUNA WOODS, CA, USA says
This was a very accessible and helpful process that motivated me to continue pursuing this “U-Turn” process in my daily meditation practice v
sharon flegal, Counseling, portland, OR, USA says
Thank you for the analogy of the dog in the trap. I do attempt to look at the hurts in someone if I feel they have been harsh. I also look at any hurts that have provoked me in being unskillful. It’s work that gets to keep going as I learn to refine more and more.
Ruth Housman, Counseling, Las Cruces, NM 88001, USA, NM, USA says
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame? I would be able to touch into my vulnerability. self-forgiveness, and self-compassion which would lead to be able to give that to others.
Marg Cole, Another Field, Orlando, FL, USA says
It’s not easy and I will need lots of practice but even this video with limited practice I changed the way I spoke with my spouse about a conflict. Thank you.
Adriana R., Psychotherapy, New York, NY, USA says
Underneath the blame and judgement I have fear. Once I face the fear I uncover my own strength and self-reliance to a better future…and the hate and resentment is no longer there- thank you
Joan Willoe, Social Work, Northport, ME, USA says
The U-turn exercise was really helpful. I saw the situation in new ways.
Leah Freij, Nursing, Fairfax, VA, USA says
Thank you for walking me through my difficult feelings and for seeing my fear and vulnerability and the vulnerability of my husband who is suffering. Bless you
Kate seder, Another Field, Shrewsbury, MA, USA says
I grew up with a narcissist parent, my mom, who is now deceased. Never really had a “real” conversation with her, she never let me in to see herself. My dad was brought up in a very strict household. Not to much room for any gray area when it came to life. Pretty much black and white. To top it off I’m a only child. So here I am, at 67, practicing mindfullness meditation and attempting to practice the suggestions from these videos.
Jenifer Porter, Another Field, los angeles, CA, USA says
Thank you for the lessons
Self Love
Boundaries
Radical Acceptance
Lisa Brattin, Other, Canton, OH, USA says
It’s such a wonderful reminder to tap into what we are feeling when we encounter someone we’ve struggled to have a real relationship with. And then if we can try to “put ourselves in that other person’s shoes”, I think a shift can begin to heal the relationship. Thank you Tara 💖
Lisa Brattin
Pauline Cecere, Other, Cazenovia, NY, USA says
Without the fear I feel under the blame and judgement, I find an ability to see more clearly and understand other and the “trap on their leg”. Also, feel such acceptance of the underlying fear. Thank you.
Joan K, Social Work, Charlottesville, VA, USA says
Thank you, Tara, for your Wisdom + Compassion in action. The warmth of your lovingkindness has such Healing Energy. I am deeply grateful for the stories & practices you share so generously. You have helped me and untold others move through pain/blame/suffering, and into Compassion – for oneself & for those struggling with their ‘human beingness’ in such a challengingly complex world. Blessings to all.
~ Joan K, Charlottesville VA
Lisa McWhorter, Other, Eugene, OR, USA says
Thank you for your beautiful practices, Tara. They helped me open up to my vulnerability and pain. Not in a defeated way, not as a victim, but in an openhearted and tender way, so I could feel the visceral sensations, shed tears, and feel compassion for this vulnerable part of myself, and in turn, to also feel a similar tenderness towards the person I have had conflict with. Thank you!
Susan Lee, Medicine, Atlanta, GA, USA says
More free and able to appreciate positive emotions within me and not feel so isolated bc Im spending so much time trying to “fix” me or others
Josephine Navarro, Teacher, Bay Shore, NY, USA says
After listening to Shifting out of BIame to Self-Compassion. I realize that most of my life I was looking for the love, support and acceptance I feel I didn’t get from my mother or my father. It is nothing short of a revelation that what I needed was to give these important feelings to myself in order to be truly myself at the deepest level. Thank you, Tara, for your insight and your dedication to helping people live true to themselves.
Sherri Yingst, Clergy, Pensacola, FL, USA says
Thank you so much for presenting this! I’m grateful for the professionals that share these insights that are so helpful! I think it’s interesting to know how God has brought me through these same exercises in addressing my inner conflicts over the years even though I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening.And I love seeing how you articulate it to help me understand why the process was so effective! Thank you!
Su P, Teacher, Nyc, NY, USA says
I would left to face my vulnerabilities, sense the pain of the inner child I left behind who haunted me. But I also know if I could just sit with all that, I could find myself firmly grounded within myself.
Geraldine Manuel (Daughter) says
If I let go of self-judgment and chronic blame I would become the highest vibrational form of myself. I would not exhaust myself and be able to enjoy my life by cultivating my creativity through art, dance and writing.
Sean Smith says
Without the judgment and chronic blame i would be loving awareness.
Stephanie Hiller says
I found it difficult to feel my own responses — the videos were too distracting. I’ve done some of this work with a therapist and it was powerful. I don’t feel it would work for me on video.
Amine Felk says
I felt a profound compassion for my inner child.
Thank you.
Jari Väätäinen says
There was grief over the loss. Understanding that it is right to feel that way, but fear of it should not hinder new experiences.
Frances Fitzgerald says
It would be so liberating because I carry immense shame for being judgmental and blaming. It would free up so much capacity to be spontaneously joyful, loving, and peaceful.
Terry Rosenberg says
“Who would I be?” feels like the wrong question. It implies non-acceptance of who I am. Perhaps the question What would my experience of my life be?” would lead me to focus not on “being” different, but feeling different, with greater peace, joy, self-acceptance and compassion.
Thank you for these beautiful teachings and for the wisdom that comes through.
Lucille Dacanay says
I would have a more pleasant feeling toward myself and others. I perhaps would sleep better. I’m working on it and as it would be, the universe is providing lots of opportunities to dive into this practice.