Forgiving self is the only path to forgiving others. This reminded me that the things I find repulsive in others are usually a mirror of what I dislike about myself. So forgiveness for and acceptance of others will come naturally if I can forgive and accept myself first. Thank you.
I can forgive myself for not behaving appropriately in the past when dealing with a friend. I realize that there was a lot of immature people pleasing involved. Thank you for the opportunity to think about this, Tara!
Being present and having kindness for my own difficult feelings instead of focusing on “what he did” that triggered them has transformed my marriage. Learning to make the “U turn” of moving my attention from him back to myself is an ongoing practice.
The underlying sense of being a bad person that I’ve lived with since I can remember being me has lifted in these recent years. I mostly wake up in the morning without the old, familiar dread and heaviness. Gratitude and joy are much more regular traveling companions. Years of therapy, a tenacious belief that it’s possible to not live in constant suffering and a regular meditation practice are bearing fruit. My gratitude is beyond words. Thank you for living and teaching this path, Tara.
Thank you, Tara. This has really inspired me today – your grounding presence, wise words and case example. We are navigating so much in these interesting times. Thank you for helping me feel connected this morning and bringing me back to the soulful presence of my work.
Having the presence of mind to notice irritation or anger in a relationship is less about the other and more about you, gives you so much agency and power to choose to be more open and loving and reap the rewards. Thank you for explaining this so beautifully
The idea that “Vengeance is a ‘lazy’ form of grief” has opened a new door for me to understanding what drives some people to hurtful acts. Because I don’t believe in ‘laziness’, a blaming term, I think I would reword the sentence to something like, “vengeance is grief unacknowledged”, or perhaps “vengeance is action arising out of unconscious grief”.
Thankyou so much for these hugely valuable explorations.
This practice has helped me over the years continue to negotiate the aftermath of having been sexually abused in childhood by my mother. The work is ongoing.
I’ve loved these talks. They are so pithy and so helpful.
I’ve used this one to look at my feelings of failure towards my children when my first marriage ended.
I think this will be really beneficial for anyone working through shame and guilt themselves, as well as when going through the process of helping someone else.
I tried this myself and at first I found myself questioning is everything forgiveable? Then, as I moved to a space whereby I imagined someone close to me asking the question I was readily able to answer yesterday, so having this response for someone else I believe I can extend it to myself.
It allows me to ask ‘can we start again please’ – ‘hurting you is not my intention’ – ‘I need you to help me love me like you love me’ ‘I need you to help me see me how you see me’ ‘that must be such a gift – how do you love me with all my suffering and imperfection and wounds?’
I recently lost my dad and his death has been triggering other losses I’ve experiences in my life. I’ve been meditating almost every day now (practicing self-compassion) and it’s helped me tremendously; not just in dealing with difficult emotions but also in healing my relationship with myself and others. I would like to continue on that path and learn more. Blessings
I feel hurt and rejected by my mum, siblings & ex friends/employers. Now I’m just angry all the time but it’s the hurt & rejection that’s manifesting as anger.
Thanks so much for your teachings and the kindness with which they come,Tara. I know in my mind that there’s no distance to my true Self within, but always feel I have a distance to go to truly realize and live each moment in That! Self compassion, self love and acceptance are difficult to achieve and maintain, but will continue towards This ‘til it becomes my daily reality! Looking forward to receiving your meditation, Tara. Thank you!
Lately I have been trying to short-circuit the spiral of shame and self-hatred by saying “I don’t have to think or feel unkindly towards myself”. When I say this, I can be more accepting of myself. As I start to feel more kindness towards myself I realise I have become less resentful of others. It is slow progress, but something I want to keep practising.
The video was glitchy, on my Android phone but I did manage to hear the message. I will continue to try opening to forgiveness and loving kindness to myself and others, in the hope that it will continue to be of benefit to myself and others and may one day bring about the kind of intimacy we all wish for. Many thanks Tara.
Genuine forgiveness opens up doors to healing that reveal more of who we are, leading to more honest and loving relationships with ourselves and others.
striving to be a whole person in all areas of my life. Forgiveness, compassion and loving kindness are all areas I need to focus on to be a better version of myself.
Self-acceptance and forgiveness is the only way to meet suffering, healing it with love and flourishing ones personality. Self-acceptance doesn´t mean to resist unseful criticism from others but it enables us to meet and not leave ourselves in the trouble of life, it enables us to stay couriosly. Self-acceptance helped me to care obout my self-worth and helped me to run after my higher values. Thank you so much, Tara.
Thank you for sharing this video. Learning that anger is a form of grief has been a revelation for me. I want to work on self- forgiveness so I can improve my relationships with the people I love so I’m really looking forward to receiving your meditation. Thank you, Tara!
Because genuine forgiveness brings a kind compassionate presence to the pain underneath the self judgement to hold it and transform our relationship with it, to free ourselves by connecting with that inner well-being.
If I feel genuinely forgiven, I am warm, receptive & ‘lighter’, and able to be more fully ‘here’. More of my self is accepted and available to be in relationship so it can only deepen my connection with myself & others – allowing me to be interacting now, feeling now, instead of being stuck in a past that can’t change.
I’m working on myself to try to change lifelong patterns of thought and behavior that have repeatedly led me to fail to be present and to experience overwhelming anxiety that has damaged both myself and my most beloved relationship. Your exercise helped me remember momentarily that staying in the trance of my feelings of shame and guilt about this are not helping. Self-compassion and self-forgiveness will take a lot more work.
I was profoundly traumatized from a young age of two. As the years have gone by, I’m realizing how deeply and serious and protracted it has been. My mom and dad made it much worse, although I see now that it wasn’t entirely their fault.
I now feel deep regret about how I lashed out at them in my teenage years. They retaliated big time. Even so, I feel acute remorse that I couldn’t maintain a more harmonious relationship with them. And now it’s additionally challenging as they recently passed away. As I’ve been working on this for quite a while through various means, I’m starting to see that I can forgive and accept all of us. It’s taken a LOT more work than I thought it would.
When I think of being kind to myself (which is very hard) then I imagine I would not be so defensive when my daughter lashes out at me. It would stop the spiral that we are continually on. She would get the attention from me that she is obviously seeking in a negative way.
Hi- I find myself annoyed with myself when I make decisions in areas of my life- like business and personal decisions that seemed right at the time but certainly didn’t work out how I wanted it to result
Constantly asking- how could I do that when I actually know at the time I made such decisions it appeared right and good
I know it is like looking in the rear view mirror but I also know there is no such thing as perfection
It makes me feel angry at myself even despite Re assurance by close people like my wife and doctors
Tarah- I wrote you a big thank you email about 3 weeks ago and I’m not sure you got it- I hope so since I find your talks so powerful and helpful – and I of course don’t expect to have your email address
You need to love ur self on order to be capable of loving others so it follows that forgiving ur self and not beating oneself up will lead to further intimacy
Hi not sure what to post but I’m someone who’s lived with a mental illness thru life and suffered from many things like trauma, panic attacks, depression, even felt suicidal a few times, now I’m living alone but I have a few close friends at least and a mother that helped and supported me so well I would not be doing as well as I am now without her. I have to look at the bright side of things more because I live in a nice place at least and get good benefits without which I’d have had too much trouble wworking
Adding kindness to myself changes the way I react when others treat me as I’ve treated others. Remarkably I have kinder responses to those others as well as myself. It is weirdly contagious. Thanks
Forgiving self is the only path to forgiving others. This reminded me that the things I find repulsive in others are usually a mirror of what I dislike about myself. So forgiveness for and acceptance of others will come naturally if I can forgive and accept myself first. Thank you.
Thank you Tara!
Your words and your presence are precious!
I wiuld love to try this exercise. I am hopeful it will help me too.
This gives more room for love and grace in the world. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
thank you Tara. I truly want to forgive and accept who I am, so that I can live a more peaceful life. Ian
Looking at myself with kindness and forgiveness is bringing an overflow of love in my relationship with the other person .
Thank you thank you.
I can forgive myself for not behaving appropriately in the past when dealing with a friend. I realize that there was a lot of immature people pleasing involved. Thank you for the opportunity to think about this, Tara!
Being present and having kindness for my own difficult feelings instead of focusing on “what he did” that triggered them has transformed my marriage. Learning to make the “U turn” of moving my attention from him back to myself is an ongoing practice.
The underlying sense of being a bad person that I’ve lived with since I can remember being me has lifted in these recent years. I mostly wake up in the morning without the old, familiar dread and heaviness. Gratitude and joy are much more regular traveling companions. Years of therapy, a tenacious belief that it’s possible to not live in constant suffering and a regular meditation practice are bearing fruit. My gratitude is beyond words. Thank you for living and teaching this path, Tara.
Thank you, Tara. This has really inspired me today – your grounding presence, wise words and case example. We are navigating so much in these interesting times. Thank you for helping me feel connected this morning and bringing me back to the soulful presence of my work.
Fresh slate
Having the presence of mind to notice irritation or anger in a relationship is less about the other and more about you, gives you so much agency and power to choose to be more open and loving and reap the rewards. Thank you for explaining this so beautifully
The idea that “Vengeance is a ‘lazy’ form of grief” has opened a new door for me to understanding what drives some people to hurtful acts. Because I don’t believe in ‘laziness’, a blaming term, I think I would reword the sentence to something like, “vengeance is grief unacknowledged”, or perhaps “vengeance is action arising out of unconscious grief”.
Thankyou so much for these hugely valuable explorations.
I love the gentle, loving approach to deal with shame, thank-you, I found it very helpful.
Thankyou so much, I now understand how feelings of shame and unworthiness impact on my life and relationships on so many levels.
This practice has helped me over the years continue to negotiate the aftermath of having been sexually abused in childhood by my mother. The work is ongoing.
Thank you
I’ve loved these talks. They are so pithy and so helpful.
I’ve used this one to look at my feelings of failure towards my children when my first marriage ended.
Thank you for the video, it was interesting and very compassionate.
This brought me a sense of calm. Thank you.
I think this will be really beneficial for anyone working through shame and guilt themselves, as well as when going through the process of helping someone else.
I tried this myself and at first I found myself questioning is everything forgiveable? Then, as I moved to a space whereby I imagined someone close to me asking the question I was readily able to answer yesterday, so having this response for someone else I believe I can extend it to myself.
It allows me to ask ‘can we start again please’ – ‘hurting you is not my intention’ – ‘I need you to help me love me like you love me’ ‘I need you to help me see me how you see me’ ‘that must be such a gift – how do you love me with all my suffering and imperfection and wounds?’
I recently lost my dad and his death has been triggering other losses I’ve experiences in my life. I’ve been meditating almost every day now (practicing self-compassion) and it’s helped me tremendously; not just in dealing with difficult emotions but also in healing my relationship with myself and others. I would like to continue on that path and learn more. Blessings
My experience was a sense of relief along with clarity.
To give response from the heart more than react from emotions
Thanks for sharing this insight
I feel hurt and rejected by my mum, siblings & ex friends/employers. Now I’m just angry all the time but it’s the hurt & rejection that’s manifesting as anger.
Thank you this is helpful.
Thanks so much for your teachings and the kindness with which they come,Tara. I know in my mind that there’s no distance to my true Self within, but always feel I have a distance to go to truly realize and live each moment in That! Self compassion, self love and acceptance are difficult to achieve and maintain, but will continue towards This ‘til it becomes my daily reality! Looking forward to receiving your meditation, Tara. Thank you!
Lately I have been trying to short-circuit the spiral of shame and self-hatred by saying “I don’t have to think or feel unkindly towards myself”. When I say this, I can be more accepting of myself. As I start to feel more kindness towards myself I realise I have become less resentful of others. It is slow progress, but something I want to keep practising.
The video was glitchy, on my Android phone but I did manage to hear the message. I will continue to try opening to forgiveness and loving kindness to myself and others, in the hope that it will continue to be of benefit to myself and others and may one day bring about the kind of intimacy we all wish for. Many thanks Tara.
Sounds really simple yet profound. I love Tara’s use of self kindness – it has changed my life and as a therapist I hope to bring this to my clients.
My self criticism makes me feel small and contracted As I expand my awareness and risk being less ‘perfect’ I become more available to others
Feeling grounded and embracing every part of myself
Genuine forgiveness opens up doors to healing that reveal more of who we are, leading to more honest and loving relationships with ourselves and others.
striving to be a whole person in all areas of my life. Forgiveness, compassion and loving kindness are all areas I need to focus on to be a better version of myself.
Self-acceptance and forgiveness is the only way to meet suffering, healing it with love and flourishing ones personality. Self-acceptance doesn´t mean to resist unseful criticism from others but it enables us to meet and not leave ourselves in the trouble of life, it enables us to stay couriosly. Self-acceptance helped me to care obout my self-worth and helped me to run after my higher values. Thank you so much, Tara.
Thank you for sharing this video. Learning that anger is a form of grief has been a revelation for me. I want to work on self- forgiveness so I can improve my relationships with the people I love so I’m really looking forward to receiving your meditation. Thank you, Tara!
I am thankful for being able to listen and learn from you. To listen to Tara talks is the best beginning of each day.
With love, Hjordis
I feel more in touch with and accepting of my true self. I want to forgive myself and realize I’ve done my best.
Because genuine forgiveness brings a kind compassionate presence to the pain underneath the self judgement to hold it and transform our relationship with it, to free ourselves by connecting with that inner well-being.
If I feel genuinely forgiven, I am warm, receptive & ‘lighter’, and able to be more fully ‘here’. More of my self is accepted and available to be in relationship so it can only deepen my connection with myself & others – allowing me to be interacting now, feeling now, instead of being stuck in a past that can’t change.
Thank you so much for these much needed reminders! Self-compassion is indeed crucial, and it is so easy to forget it…
I’m working on myself to try to change lifelong patterns of thought and behavior that have repeatedly led me to fail to be present and to experience overwhelming anxiety that has damaged both myself and my most beloved relationship. Your exercise helped me remember momentarily that staying in the trance of my feelings of shame and guilt about this are not helping. Self-compassion and self-forgiveness will take a lot more work.
I was profoundly traumatized from a young age of two. As the years have gone by, I’m realizing how deeply and serious and protracted it has been. My mom and dad made it much worse, although I see now that it wasn’t entirely their fault.
I now feel deep regret about how I lashed out at them in my teenage years. They retaliated big time. Even so, I feel acute remorse that I couldn’t maintain a more harmonious relationship with them. And now it’s additionally challenging as they recently passed away. As I’ve been working on this for quite a while through various means, I’m starting to see that I can forgive and accept all of us. It’s taken a LOT more work than I thought it would.
I am seeking practice to help me to connect with my inner spirit.
When I think of being kind to myself (which is very hard) then I imagine I would not be so defensive when my daughter lashes out at me. It would stop the spiral that we are continually on. She would get the attention from me that she is obviously seeking in a negative way.
Hi- I find myself annoyed with myself when I make decisions in areas of my life- like business and personal decisions that seemed right at the time but certainly didn’t work out how I wanted it to result
Constantly asking- how could I do that when I actually know at the time I made such decisions it appeared right and good
I know it is like looking in the rear view mirror but I also know there is no such thing as perfection
It makes me feel angry at myself even despite Re assurance by close people like my wife and doctors
Tarah- I wrote you a big thank you email about 3 weeks ago and I’m not sure you got it- I hope so since I find your talks so powerful and helpful – and I of course don’t expect to have your email address
Regards – rod from Melbourne Australia
You need to love ur self on order to be capable of loving others so it follows that forgiving ur self and not beating oneself up will lead to further intimacy
Living with an alcoholic partner & seeking ways to be more compassionate.
Hi not sure what to post but I’m someone who’s lived with a mental illness thru life and suffered from many things like trauma, panic attacks, depression, even felt suicidal a few times, now I’m living alone but I have a few close friends at least and a mother that helped and supported me so well I would not be doing as well as I am now without her. I have to look at the bright side of things more because I live in a nice place at least and get good benefits without which I’d have had too much trouble wworking
Adding kindness to myself changes the way I react when others treat me as I’ve treated others. Remarkably I have kinder responses to those others as well as myself. It is weirdly contagious. Thanks
Self-compassion is the antidote to shame.
Hating myself leaves me nowhere I want to be