I watched Part 3 tonight. It reminded me of a Hidden Brain podcast about self-compassion, without it transformation doesn’t happen. Thank you for the reminder to forgive myself of my relationship mistakes and misunderstandings.
I hate myself for not being able to control my poor communication skills. I talk too much. hogging the conversation,, I interrupt at times because I am so eager to sharey point of view, I overshare with people I have just met. all this leads me to isolate and restrict fellowship with friends in my recovery group to texts and emails. I fear if they had to put up with my talking that they would not like me and I would lose their friendship. I tried the exercise of imagining a friend understanding my behavior and the fact I cannot control it. there was a little relief. a drop. perhaps with lots of practice, I could feel the relief and their love
In my clinical practice I have noticed a client emphasis on forgiveness needing to be earned. This sparks the conversation of forgive and forget versus forgive and never forget. The question then becomes, “When have I punished/hated myself enough to extend self-compassion?” I appreciate Tara’s reframe of self-forgiveness because it allows the client to non-judgmentally start accepting themselves in the here-and-now. Forgiveness is a conscious choice of saying; I choose to be human today. Forgiveness also upholds the principle of personal accountability. Examination of appropriate guilt may benefit relationships when trust has been lost or violated. In such cases, a balance between accountability and self-compassion can still be stricken. I believe it is important to ask the question of “What do I need forgiveness for?” due to over apologizing behavior as a trauma response. I notice clients apologize for their presence in sessions, this notion of I am sorry for existing/for taking up space.
Kelly McDermott, Social Work, Waunakee, WI, USAsays
Wonderful video! I will speak for myself, but bet that many others struggle with it. “It is not my fault” often makes me think I am not holding myself accountable. If it is a repeatable behavior and I do it again (knowing how bad it is for others/myself), I do feel it is my fault. But after watching this, I see it is ‘my responsibility’ to understand how I hurt others and myself. Through self-forgiveness, I believe this can be possible.
Yes the guilty feeling brings to more pain anger and then guilt . Tara’s insight to release it all by suggesting it s not your fault and bring love and acceptance to the whole situation is real good and helpful and I will surely and gladly use it with my patients . Thank you and Tara for all her always precious help in so many ways🙏🎶
The encouragement to start with self forgiveness sounds very encouraging. How could anyone move forward into an intimate emotional connection without taking a look at oneself and investigating the inventory that is there. This concept of self forgiveness in this presentation aligns with your concept of self compassion and it sounds like an important foundation to have in place in order to move forward in connection to others.
This is such a helpful perspective. My first thought was for my son, and how sharing with him that “it’s not your fault” could really help him with the shame spiral he feels after explosive anger.
Bit deeper reflection shows that I too suffer from outbursts with my children. I can hold that compassion for myself too.
Forgiveness and love are the most powerful tools for healing. “It’s not your fault” opens up a new perspective and gives hope that you’re not broken…
Thanks Tara for all your teachings…so much kindness and wisdom.
Much love
By forgiving myself I might be able to not get triggered, thinking that my partner is very critical of me and my behaviour all the time. Because really, most often that critique lives with me.
I recently started practising self compassion and have to keep reminding myself to stop separating when I forget but it also simultaneously creates compassion for others, particularly those in feel hurt from, instead of falling in to the hurt emotions again, I try to find compassion for the other as I have for myself and this allows ease and things to lighten and I can breath more easily, slower and lighter in loving kindness rather than the illusion of the unresolved unfair conflict, feelings of unfairness don’t seem to help at all. adele namaste
Could forgiving myself feel like compassion, which would be very powerful. Forgiving myself would be accepting myself, and perhaps make it easier to acknowledge and face those unwanted feelings, staying present instead of avoiding them, burying them because that’s when I may lash out.
ROSELLA SUSAN BYERS, Another Field, Willits, CA, USAsays
The relationship I had in mind is someone who I “know” loves me but keeps me at arms’ length when he is at odds with himself. I invariably feel this emotionally as a rejection of me, even though I understand intellectually that it is not. When I envisioned accepting myself fully and how it would impact on that relationship, it felt as though I would have better boundaries and inner resources. My default insecurities would seem more like wisps of smoke.
I have experienced the deeply healing effects of the compassion and love that emerges when I can genuinly love and accept my self unconditionally. It is a moment to moment, day by day practice. Some days better than others.
Thanks so much for the teachings and inspiration!
The key word is genuine. I have worked on trying to be compassionate and forgiving of myself for a long time. Some days are better than others, but eventually my inner critic will show up to shove me down again. I guess I need to keep practicing mindful awareness and self-compassion and reminding myself of what a loving friend would say. Easier said than done on some days. Thanks Tara for your wisdom and compassion.
I only know what I know and looking back would have liked to have asked more questions. Perhaps there was love there. Maybe there was not. We really never talked the decision through with how we felt at that time. I did not know a safe place or person to talk to growing up. With that I at times feel unworthy, neglected, unnoticed or respected.
With self developed understanding comes a deep acceptance of others thats opens us up to deep love and connection and allows us to be kinder to others.
Forgiveness frees me from guilt of allowing someone to mentally control me. It has opened my heart in understanding their painful past and experiences.
To apologize over and over seems to exacerbate the trauma that was experienced, rather than to increase mindfulness and self-compassion
I watched Part 3 tonight. It reminded me of a Hidden Brain podcast about self-compassion, without it transformation doesn’t happen. Thank you for the reminder to forgive myself of my relationship mistakes and misunderstandings.
I hate myself for not being able to control my poor communication skills. I talk too much. hogging the conversation,, I interrupt at times because I am so eager to sharey point of view, I overshare with people I have just met. all this leads me to isolate and restrict fellowship with friends in my recovery group to texts and emails. I fear if they had to put up with my talking that they would not like me and I would lose their friendship. I tried the exercise of imagining a friend understanding my behavior and the fact I cannot control it. there was a little relief. a drop. perhaps with lots of practice, I could feel the relief and their love
It’s great to get help with great teachers and advisors like Tara .
Has helped me greatly .
I felt my heart soften.
As a personal development coach, I am going to help clients walk through the process of forgiving themselves.
Leigh
In my clinical practice I have noticed a client emphasis on forgiveness needing to be earned. This sparks the conversation of forgive and forget versus forgive and never forget. The question then becomes, “When have I punished/hated myself enough to extend self-compassion?” I appreciate Tara’s reframe of self-forgiveness because it allows the client to non-judgmentally start accepting themselves in the here-and-now. Forgiveness is a conscious choice of saying; I choose to be human today. Forgiveness also upholds the principle of personal accountability. Examination of appropriate guilt may benefit relationships when trust has been lost or violated. In such cases, a balance between accountability and self-compassion can still be stricken. I believe it is important to ask the question of “What do I need forgiveness for?” due to over apologizing behavior as a trauma response. I notice clients apologize for their presence in sessions, this notion of I am sorry for existing/for taking up space.
Thank you for the gifts of insight, compassion and well-being that you share with all of us!
Wonderful video! I will speak for myself, but bet that many others struggle with it. “It is not my fault” often makes me think I am not holding myself accountable. If it is a repeatable behavior and I do it again (knowing how bad it is for others/myself), I do feel it is my fault. But after watching this, I see it is ‘my responsibility’ to understand how I hurt others and myself. Through self-forgiveness, I believe this can be possible.
Yes the guilty feeling brings to more pain anger and then guilt . Tara’s insight to release it all by suggesting it s not your fault and bring love and acceptance to the whole situation is real good and helpful and I will surely and gladly use it with my patients . Thank you and Tara for all her always precious help in so many ways🙏🎶
The simplicity of connecting compassion with our humanness stands out to me as a fundamental pathway to self-acceptance and healing. Thank you Tara.
Thank you for your generosity in sharing this mini course with us.
The encouragement to start with self forgiveness sounds very encouraging. How could anyone move forward into an intimate emotional connection without taking a look at oneself and investigating the inventory that is there. This concept of self forgiveness in this presentation aligns with your concept of self compassion and it sounds like an important foundation to have in place in order to move forward in connection to others.
This is such a helpful perspective. My first thought was for my son, and how sharing with him that “it’s not your fault” could really help him with the shame spiral he feels after explosive anger.
Bit deeper reflection shows that I too suffer from outbursts with my children. I can hold that compassion for myself too.
security
Really enjoyed this video, will incorporating this practice into sessions. Many thanks for the teachings 😊
Forgiveness and love are the most powerful tools for healing. “It’s not your fault” opens up a new perspective and gives hope that you’re not broken…
Thanks Tara for all your teachings…so much kindness and wisdom.
Much love
Tara’s teachings are wonderful 💕 thank you🙏🏻
By forgiving myself I might be able to not get triggered, thinking that my partner is very critical of me and my behaviour all the time. Because really, most often that critique lives with me.
Slowing down simply to hold myself in a moment of forgiveness will make me less frantic, and less impatient with those I love.
The forgiveness of myself was a feeling of lightness.
Thank you Tara❤️
It could increase my understanding not only about myself but others as well,thus opening the door to more empathy & compassion.
This is a helpful insight and start for practicing! Thank you 💖
Thank you. Raising awareness and practicing self-compassion for all aspects of ourselves drives meaningful change.
I recently started practising self compassion and have to keep reminding myself to stop separating when I forget but it also simultaneously creates compassion for others, particularly those in feel hurt from, instead of falling in to the hurt emotions again, I try to find compassion for the other as I have for myself and this allows ease and things to lighten and I can breath more easily, slower and lighter in loving kindness rather than the illusion of the unresolved unfair conflict, feelings of unfairness don’t seem to help at all. adele namaste
Could forgiving myself feel like compassion, which would be very powerful. Forgiving myself would be accepting myself, and perhaps make it easier to acknowledge and face those unwanted feelings, staying present instead of avoiding them, burying them because that’s when I may lash out.
Thank you for all you do Tara Brach.
Thank you….very helpful!
Love this video. Can’t wait to use this with my clients.
beautiful. so simple
The relationship I had in mind is someone who I “know” loves me but keeps me at arms’ length when he is at odds with himself. I invariably feel this emotionally as a rejection of me, even though I understand intellectually that it is not. When I envisioned accepting myself fully and how it would impact on that relationship, it felt as though I would have better boundaries and inner resources. My default insecurities would seem more like wisps of smoke.
So valuable!! Thank you! ❤️
Forgiving myself as a friend would reminds me to be a friend to myself
By forgiving myself, I found it easier for me to understand how someone else might cause hurt unintentionally.
I have experienced the deeply healing effects of the compassion and love that emerges when I can genuinly love and accept my self unconditionally. It is a moment to moment, day by day practice. Some days better than others.
Thanks so much for the teachings and inspiration!
I’d feel free to show instead of isolating.
Thank you. I think/hope this exercise might help to break the cycle off instinctively, immediately berating oneself.
The key word is genuine. I have worked on trying to be compassionate and forgiving of myself for a long time. Some days are better than others, but eventually my inner critic will show up to shove me down again. I guess I need to keep practicing mindful awareness and self-compassion and reminding myself of what a loving friend would say. Easier said than done on some days. Thanks Tara for your wisdom and compassion.
Staying present and mindful is a daily struggle, but when I do I feel calm. Thank you Tara for teaching me this and more.
It helped me see my own anger and how I react to it
bless you tara brach.
I only know what I know and looking back would have liked to have asked more questions. Perhaps there was love there. Maybe there was not. We really never talked the decision through with how we felt at that time. I did not know a safe place or person to talk to growing up. With that I at times feel unworthy, neglected, unnoticed or respected.
Better understanding the cause of our anger better helps us behave lovingly in our relationships.
Thank you, I understand Taras work
With self developed understanding comes a deep acceptance of others thats opens us up to deep love and connection and allows us to be kinder to others.
Letting go of shame and guilt myself will help
Me support those i serve
It could free up energy and allow more conscious understanding and compassion words the other. But I can’t seem to do it!
Love the practice. I struggle with self criticism daily.
Forgiveness frees me from guilt of allowing someone to mentally control me. It has opened my heart in understanding their painful past and experiences.
Keeping “It’s not my fault” in my heart to soften and hold myself With love and compassion.
Thank you for the important work you do, Tara and team!