This video, Part 1, instantly reminded me of the book Why I am afraid to tell you who I am (hope that is correct). This book helped me to understand that I may be hiding something unknowingly, but more importantly the need to recognize why I am doing this… However, I feel that I need to bring my awareness to this idea more, especially when faced with today’s challenges so that I can be more present and available to connect.
Annette Ladowitz, Social Work, Saratoga, CA, USAsays
Well done! Why is it that we don’t like ourselves? How important is it to identify what happened in our early childhoods or can we just jump to what to do about changing ourselves today? Thank you Annette L LCSW
I think that shame, a common result of trauma, prevents many from forming good attachments. They have not learned to love themselves, an therefore cannot fully love and connect in their relationships.
Many thanks for sharing. I also find your teachings on other sites very helpful.
I learned this the hard way. Hiding parts of myself that I was ashamed of or felt inadequate about – well, it nearly tore my relationship apart, as we never had a solid and honest foundation. I never revealed my true authentic self, therefore my partner never truly got to see and understand who I really was. It has taken many therapy appointments failed attempts, manipulation and lies, positive reminders, and meditations to help me be comfortable more with myself and who I TRULY am. Acceptance and self love. It’s still a journey.
Christine Kennedy, Nursing, Lake oswego, OR, USAsays
I am currently taking the Power of Awareness course with Tara. it is always nice to listen what she has to say. I think she has great insights. Thank you.
hi Tara, This is a big issue for many of my clients -and other people I know- turning against oneself damages relationships enormously. Thank you for this and many other videos you have produced so far! Really enjoyed starting my morning listening to you. Aroha, Gabriela
I don’t always feel that what I have to say is important. I might embarrass myself. If I’m with someone who talks a lot, sometimes I feel I can’t get in the conversation.
Thanks. It is really good to find the keys to successful relating, and as you said Tara, especially today when relationships will be a bonding force to help us through stressful times.
I watched all three twice. They are excellent. Worthiness is indeed the key to relationship with others and also with self. I believe for myself and for my clients that addressing shame and unworthiness is what unlocks healing and sets one on a new path in life. Thanks to Tara for creating this. I will be referring clients to the Conscious Loving programme.
I use anger as a defense mechanism to protect my wounded parts, but when I get angry it makes others defensive, which then causes distance between us. It’s a vicious cycle I learned in childhood and very hard to break.
What if you or your client doesn’t really know what they don’t like about themselves, they just know they don’t and feel different and insignificant?. Can this be something that developed in childhood or underlining trauma?
I love the teachings of Tara Brach. I read her books and listen to her cds. I really needed to hear her again. I am moving into and trying to stay with, a very old deep fear. I really appreciate and bow to her generosity to send out her info for free. I would love to take an online course but I can’t at this time. One day I will.
When I’m unsure of myself I wonder why my husband loves me and then I start presuming what he is thinking about me and I respond to him as if what I thinking is the truth?.
Thanks. I dislike/do not respect many aspects of myself and hide them from everyone (I think – more or less) except my adult son who lives with me and with whom I am in constant battle. I am , in fact, resentfu that he is lazy/does not help and lives rent free/buy no food or anything – starting a business so I understand the lack of money, but he makes huge mess and does not clean much ess do big projects. I am a senior and have physical challenges so just get ANGRY and say things I do in fact mean, but he responds with all the bad stuff I have done. what I dislike most about myself is how angry I feel towards him…and I have no choice but to let him live here…
Really looking forward to the next installment. I have a client at the moment who is really struggling with reconnecting with intimacy in her marriage. She is so self critical and we’re exploring ways for her to come out of judging herself and replacing it with self compassion and permission to be kind to herself.
Thanks for the wonderful opportunity to watch these videos – they were perfect timing and gave me guidance and have layered onto my learning as a coach. With much gratitude and appreciation Tara, for your kindness and passion that exudes. You are a beautiful soul!
Another great opening to shifting perspective for self and others . Love the question When you hide what you don’t like about yourself how does this affect your relationship
Thank you so much for these on-line seminars – and for providing them for free – really appreciate that.
Cecile Mitchell, Counseling, Flagstaff, AZ, USAsays
Not being able to share what you do not like creates a false personna and makes it difficult for the other to understand what goes on with you. The lack of safety to share in the relationship becomes a third unspoken party. ?
They don’t have the deep connection and intimacy with others, because they are keeping their true, authentic selves from those people. They have to prevent others from seeing who they really are, and that prevents those relationships from growing and thriving. They aren’t being honest with others about who they really are.
They keep away from intimacy. They are usually reserved and even timid. Consequently, they cannot bond with another person or be relaxed in the presence of another person. Their relationships are affected negatively.
Danna Kober, Psychology, Playa Del Rey, CA, USAsays
It makes them more distant and unwilling to be vulnerable. They don’t want others, especially in their most intimate relationships, to see what they’re hiding. It ironically leads them to distance themselves from the ones they love the most.
If I’m hiding something that I don’t like about myself, I can’t be honest (or kind) with myself or the person I’m interacting with. I’m closed off, so am building walls instead of bridges. I tend toward either being sharp or being silent.. or sharp then silent, leaving the other person wondering what the heck just happened.
Love your book, Radical Acceptance. I’m working on self change after a career working with addicted people, retirement is showing me many things about myself.
Thank you Tara that was so helpful. I am in recovery from an addiction, and it seems to me that lack of self-acceptance relating to negative core beliefs about oneself is at the very centre of addictive behaviour. Thank you again!
Anonymous ODonnell, Nursing, West Allis, WI, USAsays
This is a beautiful healing practice very consistent with the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS), based on the 8 C’s and the most important “relationship” being with yourself. I am trying to wrap my head around being consciously aware and letting go of thoughts versus “connecting, befriending, unburdening” of our parts. To connect with our parts, we need to listen and hear and let go after our parts have been “heard”. Assuming conscious awareness means remaining in “Self” and not becoming blended with these parts? I’m definitely signing up in order to bring more of this “Self-Compassion” to my clients 🙂
I have found with my clients that giving them homework to write affirmations and to say them in front of the mirror, while holding a hand over their heart, is effective. During sessions we often prepare affirmations together and discuss them.
Thanks, Tara. Hiding those things I don’t like is putting sandbags to hold back a storm surge…the vulnerability can only be protected for so long and generally when you take the sand bags down what is revealed is opportunity.
It means they never truly engage, or open to the potential for healing within. All facets of a human being must be acknowledged for transformation to happen
What one hides is not gone but lingering in the shadows. It takes energy to maintain that banishment. The effort made and energy expended is no longer available to the relationship, and that causes a dampening effect in the relationship.
This video, Part 1, instantly reminded me of the book Why I am afraid to tell you who I am (hope that is correct). This book helped me to understand that I may be hiding something unknowingly, but more importantly the need to recognize why I am doing this… However, I feel that I need to bring my awareness to this idea more, especially when faced with today’s challenges so that I can be more present and available to connect.
It increases their disconnection to their loved ones and support system; further isolating themself = probably the opposite of their intention.
Well done! Why is it that we don’t like ourselves? How important is it to identify what happened in our early childhoods or can we just jump to what to do about changing ourselves today?
Thank you
Annette L LCSW
Leaves me feeling very disconnected from those that I desire a more deep connection with
I think that shame, a common result of trauma, prevents many from forming good attachments. They have not learned to love themselves, an therefore cannot fully love and connect in their relationships.
Many thanks for sharing. I also find your teachings on other sites very helpful.
I learned this the hard way. Hiding parts of myself that I was ashamed of or felt inadequate about – well, it nearly tore my relationship apart, as we never had a solid and honest foundation. I never revealed my true authentic self, therefore my partner never truly got to see and understand who I really was. It has taken many therapy appointments failed attempts, manipulation and lies, positive reminders, and meditations to help me be comfortable more with myself and who I TRULY am. Acceptance and self love. It’s still a journey.
I am currently taking the Power of Awareness course with Tara. it is always nice to listen what she has to say. I think she has great insights. Thank you.
hi Tara,
This is a big issue for many of my clients -and other people I know- turning against oneself damages relationships enormously. Thank you for this and many other videos you have produced so far! Really enjoyed starting my morning listening to you. Aroha, Gabriela
Perfect information, insightful. Informative therefore empowered,thank you.
I don’t always feel that what I have to say is important. I might embarrass myself.
If I’m with someone who talks a lot, sometimes I feel I can’t get in the conversation.
excellent
Thanks. It is really good to find the keys to successful relating, and as you said Tara, especially today when relationships will be a bonding force to help us through stressful times.
I watched all three twice. They are excellent. Worthiness is indeed the key to relationship with others and also with self. I believe for myself and for my clients that addressing shame and unworthiness is what unlocks healing and sets one on a new path in life. Thanks to Tara for creating this. I will be referring clients to the Conscious Loving programme.
I use anger as a defense mechanism to protect my wounded parts, but when I get angry it makes others defensive, which then causes distance between us. It’s a vicious cycle I learned in childhood and very hard to break.
What if you or your client doesn’t really know what they don’t like about themselves, they just know they don’t and feel different and insignificant?. Can this be something that developed in childhood or underlining trauma?
I love the teachings of Tara Brach. I read her books and listen to her cds. I really needed to hear her again. I am moving into and trying to stay with, a very old deep fear. I really appreciate and bow to her generosity to send out her info for free. I would love to take an online course but I can’t at this time. One day I will.
The clients miss out on having intimate relationships. I thank You Tara for this presentation. I send a smile.
When I’m unsure of myself I wonder why my husband loves me and then I start presuming what he is thinking about me and I respond to him as if what I thinking is the truth?.
Spot on insight Tara! ❤
Thanks. I dislike/do not respect many aspects of myself and hide them from everyone (I think – more or less) except my adult son who lives with me and with whom I am in constant battle. I am , in fact, resentfu that he is lazy/does not help and lives rent free/buy no food or anything – starting a business so I understand the lack of money, but he makes huge mess and does not clean much ess do big projects. I am a senior and have physical challenges so just get ANGRY and say things I do in fact mean, but he responds with all the bad stuff I have done. what I dislike most about myself is how angry I feel towards him…and I have no choice but to let him live here…
Really looking forward to the next installment. I have a client at the moment who is really struggling with reconnecting with intimacy in her marriage. She is so self critical and we’re exploring ways for her to come out of judging herself and replacing it with self compassion and permission to be kind to herself.
Interesting insight into not being self confident and fearful at the same time. It makes sense.
Thanks for the wonderful opportunity to watch these videos – they were perfect timing and gave me guidance and have layered onto my learning as a coach.
With much gratitude and appreciation Tara, for your kindness and passion that exudes. You are a beautiful soul!
They avoid a connection by trying to hide something.
I have discovered that often the inner self is craving for self-compassion & nurturing (encourage, acceptance, etc.).
Not good.
Another great opening to shifting perspective for self and others .
Love the question
When you hide what you don’t like about yourself how does this affect your relationship
Thank you so much for these on-line seminars – and for providing them for free – really appreciate that.
Not being able to share what you do not like creates a false personna and makes it difficult for the other to understand what goes on with you. The lack of safety to share in the relationship becomes a third unspoken party. ?
Yes, all true and relevant both to myself and my clients. Thank you!
They don’t have the deep connection and intimacy with others, because they are keeping their true, authentic selves from those people. They have to prevent others from seeing who they really are, and that prevents those relationships from growing and thriving. They aren’t being honest with others about who they really are.
They keep away from intimacy. They are usually reserved and even timid. Consequently, they cannot bond with another person or be relaxed in the presence of another person. Their relationships are affected negatively.
This is very helpful and explains a lot about myself, my husband’s and my patients. Thank you so much!
very insightful
They often isolate themselves, saying they don’t need friends or relationships with others, when in reality, they yearn for close connection
This was an excellent and informative presentation Dr. Brach. Thank you for your good work.
Dr. Linda Shake
It makes them more distant and unwilling to be vulnerable. They don’t want others, especially in their most intimate relationships, to see what they’re hiding. It ironically leads them to distance themselves from the ones they love the most.
Great share! Thank you!!
If I’m hiding something that I don’t like about myself, I can’t be honest (or kind) with myself or the person I’m interacting with. I’m closed off, so am building walls instead of bridges. I tend toward either being sharp or being silent.. or sharp then silent, leaving the other person wondering what the heck just happened.
Thank you Lori for your honesty I can SO relate to what you shared . It has taken me years to unlock some of these defenses
Love your book, Radical Acceptance. I’m working on self change after a career working with addicted people, retirement is showing me many things about myself.
Thank you Tara that was so helpful. I am in recovery from an addiction, and it seems to me that lack of self-acceptance relating to negative core beliefs about oneself is at the very centre of addictive behaviour. Thank you again!
Really helpful and clear. Case example was
valuable.
They cannot be real or intimate
This is a beautiful healing practice very consistent with the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS), based on the 8 C’s and the most important “relationship” being with yourself. I am trying to wrap my head around being consciously aware and letting go of thoughts versus “connecting, befriending, unburdening” of our parts. To connect with our parts, we need to listen and hear and let go after our parts have been “heard”. Assuming conscious awareness means remaining in “Self” and not becoming blended with these parts? I’m definitely signing up in order to bring more of this “Self-Compassion” to my clients 🙂
I have found with my clients that giving them homework to write affirmations and to say them in front of the mirror, while holding a hand over their heart, is effective. During sessions we often prepare affirmations together and discuss them.
I don’t want to be seen as inappropriate in my dress when I judge others’ way of dressing. It happened recently.
Thanks, Tara.
Hiding those things I don’t like is putting sandbags to hold back a storm surge…the vulnerability can only be protected for so long and generally when you take the sand bags down what is revealed is opportunity.
It means they never truly engage, or open to the potential for healing within. All facets of a human being must be acknowledged for transformation to happen
What one hides is not gone but lingering in the shadows. It takes energy to maintain that banishment. The effort made and energy expended is no longer available to the relationship, and that causes a dampening effect in the relationship.