I thought a lot about the part “it’s not your fault”, which is a bit against popular thinking. I used this with a client, saying with the way she was brought up, the parental models she had and her own genetics, she could understand that this was the way she automatically reacted, even if that was not the way she wanted to react. This led to the “pause moment” where she could be more attentive to the physical reactions that led to anger, her feelings, her thoughts, and help her be less reactive.
Monique Viau, Québec, Canada
I first heard you talk about this story via your podcasts about 5yrs ago. It was a huge changing point in my life because self hatred for what I had done to others, was so strong that I’d obsess about it for days and nights. I still haven’t Completely over come my anger but no longer beating myself up has been life changing.
Offering myself loving kindness and compassion – I find that doesn’t come easy but am trying to do that more as part of healing.
Sorry to say I find the background music in these videos very irritating and distracts me from your wonderful words.
I’m reminded of the meaning of a Latin phrase: no one gives what she does not have (nemo dat quod non habet.) Though a legal meaning I’m struck by my ability to offer more fully and whole-hearted to others what I have received as my own; e.g. forgiveness.
Forgiving ourselves can impact our relationships in a positive way, because now we are not in a mode of putting ourselves down and thinking we are bad. We are holding compassion and care, and maybe that will trickle to others too.
Thank you for all these videos! I love your ability to connect it with neuroscience. Shame is a lonely journey and I’m thankful to continue to learn diff tools to rewire the subconscious.
Thank you so much, Tara¡ I did this quick and simple exercise, and it was amazing because I immediately felt that my relationship softened, as if something in me opened up. Namaste.
I have been struggling with anger at myself for being lazy and not fulfilling my responsibilities. I imagine giving myself a pass on the anger, on the laziness, and on the unreliablity. A limiting belief is that my value is in what I do.
By allowing genuine forgiveness for self or others, releases negative energy which then gives room to see and hear others from a compassionate, loving freedom from preconceived judgement(s).
I also found this post very enlightening.. I have a stepdaughter who I think doesn’t really care about me.. and so I have pulled away from her. I feel very guilty about this..and it has been troubling me.. I see a little girl in me..feeling unloved and rejected and the way I respond is very child-like.. so to be able to forgive myself would be a great start.. for a better relationship.
I found it beneficial to intentionally say that I forgive myself about an instance that has been hovering over me.
If I encounter a situation where someone else does something similar to me, I will be able to forgive them as well.
It would help me move on, offering loving kindness to myself, and have healthier relationships in my family
Thank you, Tara Brach.
I thought a lot about the part “it’s not your fault”, which is a bit against popular thinking. I used this with a client, saying with the way she was brought up, the parental models she had and her own genetics, she could understand that this was the way she automatically reacted, even if that was not the way she wanted to react. This led to the “pause moment” where she could be more attentive to the physical reactions that led to anger, her feelings, her thoughts, and help her be less reactive.
Monique Viau, Québec, Canada
I first heard you talk about this story via your podcasts about 5yrs ago. It was a huge changing point in my life because self hatred for what I had done to others, was so strong that I’d obsess about it for days and nights. I still haven’t Completely over come my anger but no longer beating myself up has been life changing.
Thank you. You’re a wonderful voice with so much value. 🙏🏾
Forgiving myself would, will ?, let. me be present in my relationship. Without this I will continue to stay in my self absorbing world.
Offering myself loving kindness and compassion – I find that doesn’t come easy but am trying to do that more as part of healing.
Sorry to say I find the background music in these videos very irritating and distracts me from your wonderful words.
I’m reminded of the meaning of a Latin phrase: no one gives what she does not have (nemo dat quod non habet.) Though a legal meaning I’m struck by my ability to offer more fully and whole-hearted to others what I have received as my own; e.g. forgiveness.
Forgiving ourselves can impact our relationships in a positive way, because now we are not in a mode of putting ourselves down and thinking we are bad. We are holding compassion and care, and maybe that will trickle to others too.
It is often hardest to be kind to ourselves – an important message. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insights.
Thank you for all these videos! I love your ability to connect it with neuroscience. Shame is a lonely journey and I’m thankful to continue to learn diff tools to rewire the subconscious.
Thank you so much, Tara¡ I did this quick and simple exercise, and it was amazing because I immediately felt that my relationship softened, as if something in me opened up. Namaste.
I have been struggling with anger at myself for being lazy and not fulfilling my responsibilities. I imagine giving myself a pass on the anger, on the laziness, and on the unreliablity. A limiting belief is that my value is in what I do.
Really interesting – love to know more
By allowing genuine forgiveness for self or others, releases negative energy which then gives room to see and hear others from a compassionate, loving freedom from preconceived judgement(s).
I also found this post very enlightening.. I have a stepdaughter who I think doesn’t really care about me.. and so I have pulled away from her. I feel very guilty about this..and it has been troubling me.. I see a little girl in me..feeling unloved and rejected and the way I respond is very child-like.. so to be able to forgive myself would be a great start.. for a better relationship.