How to Identify and Treat the Invisible Wounds of Neglect
with Bessel van der Kolk, MD; Janina Fisher, PhD; Karlen Lyons-Ruth, PhD; Pat Ogden, PhD; Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD; Margaret Sheridan, PhD; Eboni Webb, PsyD; Usha Tummala-Narra, PhD; Martin Teicher, MD, PhD; Megan Schmidt, PsyD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD
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Shauntee Walters, Psychology, BB says
The aspect of seeking permission for eye contact resonated with me. Even the closing eyes to ensure the space provided is safe by the client’s definition is something that i can see myself using in practice. I also found the different types of neglect interesting. I can’t recall hearing the distinctions made in that way previously.
Jana O'Brien, Another Field, CA says
Thank you so much for sharing your expertise. I was motivated to take this course as I am a practicing meditation teacher and am always on the lookout, for any further information that can help me to support my students. I loved the somatic suggestion of using the movement of the arms and hands toward the body to signal receiving of whatever the student might need, in the moment. I found that to be a simple and helpful suggestion that I could integrate into my teaching. Look forward to the remaining modules. Thanks, again.
Anna Allen, Nursing, Austin, TX, USA says
Is it emotional neglect or trauma if a mother is overwhelmed by her own needs and stress, and is frequently unavailable as a result of stress related physical symptoms, such as fatigue and headaches?
Barbara Jensen, Psychotherapy, AU says
Thank you for your generous presentation.
I found distinguishing the different types of neglect useful.
The lack of self care in adulthood as an indicator of emotional neglect, given through the example of ‘procrastinating’ when needing to make a phone call to sort employment health care was informative. Also the reference to forming social connections.
I am interested to hear more about the impact, effect and presentation of emotional neglect.
Anne Strohm, Psychology, LA GRANGE, IL, USA says
This reminds me, with two very “intellectualizing” patients, to stay with/notice their emotions –
not to be sidetracked into their tendency toward interesting but “non-emotional” topics
Catherine Ada Campbell, Other, Granite Falls, WA, USA says
Thank you so much! I appreciated the breakdown of various forms of neglect and how to recognize them. The sheer wealth of the brain trust gathered in these modules is stunning, and I thank each of you for contributing your experience, insights, knowledge and wisdom.
Kellie Frost, Counseling, AU says
I have learnt from this module that when dealing with a client who has experienced neglect, it’s important to NOT reassure them everything is ok straight off the back, it may come across as in-genuine and reinstate their feelings of feeling unseen, it’s important to validate their emotions and and identify with what they are feeling to begin with so we are not rushing them into what we think they should be at right now
Marti Valencia, Other, Tucson, AZ, USA says
I have just discovered the theories and methods of neurobiology, epigenetics, neuroplasticity and such. I am a trauma survivor, having had subtle maternal parental neglect from young childhood to a more progressive sort of combination between high expectations of my self reliability and responsibility in manage house and sibling, verbal volatility in high quality and quantity of expectations, to high level of angry physical discipline.
I’ve heard so much that I relate to and I can understand to my level of revelation. I’m seeing that there is a path to healing in this method of healing trauma and I am feeling encouraged to tell all of you practitioners that this is so reassuring for me, even though I am 57 and I have lived a long time before I found this information and having participated in self-appointed psychotherapy for more than 30 years. I was not able to pin down what my persistent problem because I present very well. can be highly functional or very very dysfunctional, due to recurrent episodes of depressive anxious and PTSD symptoms repeated themselves regularly. for decades I felt like there’s no path out but now I see that there is a very reasonable logical solution and how to address symptoms, feelings.
I’m sorry I don’t seem to have a clear picture how I’m going to apply what I have gotten from this session today, actually I do, I am going to this time, diligently practice putting into actual practice, action is critical. I recognize now I have been passively resisting healing, and perhaps I now know why. For me it’s in the knowing, The Knowing of the science, knowing of the path, the direction in which to go that helps me to feel more comfort in this very moment. so another application that I’ve learned from this session would be educating myself and reading more about the science of the brain neuroplasticity and other suggestions heard today. and I will also apply information I have learned today, towards my college-aged daughter, who has also been affected by my intergenerational circumstances. I must comment because of 30 years of therapy I feel fairly confident I was able to be a more caring mother. so perhaps I have found inspiration in knowing that even though I have difficulties still, I have broken up a bit of the cyclical intergenerational effects. I hope to nurture, encourage and see myself, parent myself and to explore my emotions further because now I have some more of the questions I could ask myself. I will explore the science of neurobiology, epigenetics and neuroplasticity and apply it to myself and further educate my daughter in a loving compassionate more educated way to address her and her feelings. The science and these practitioners in this session have enlightened me and given me a better understanding of how to approach my further healing. the subject of neurobiology has led me to this group of wonderful people. I can now and in future have more understanding of who I am and why I may have remained in dysfunction, and now I can help myself better.
I thank you so much for the opportunity to allow me to feel comfortable not being a practitioner, I was concerned that I was not a practitioner, isn’t that funny! I felt welcomed I learned so much more than I knew an hour ago and I feel in my chest a feeling of comfort literally in my chest and also a little bit of a rapid heartbeat which represents to me maybe some excitement.I thank you again so much and I’m so grateful to have listened to the practitioners here and how they attempt to help and address these traumatic experiences for those of us who have wandered and been lost and and those that are young and have an opportunity to experience a full exciting life.
my one dream of purpose was that I really wanted to affect the world in a positive loving way. I challenge myself to go out into society and perform more of my volunteer work which always makes me feel better!
I thought I wasn’t going to be able to heal at 57. now I see there is a chance for me at this age. to you, have a lovely day bless you all thank you all for being such a kind caring nurturing people, this ball of Earth needs people in this world to help those of us who don’t quite have it all down yet.Sending sunshine and blessings to you with love and encouragement and go forth and heal!! I’m going to go sit down at the kitchen table and journal and make a plan of what and how I’m going to put this information into action! Be well 🧐😢🤔😏😀
Marti
M J, Another Field, GB says
SO MUCH amazing, insightful information! As a movement worker, I especially appreciated the last insight shared about ‘taking in’ using the hands. I also found it very interesting that calming techniques may not be useful. I would love to learn more about why this is and how I can even begin to integrate somatic calming techniques for clients presenting with neglect. I wonder also about meditation or visualisation and if these are also things I should use caution with in this regard..?
Noemi B, Another Field, Ann Arbor, MI, USA says
Hi, thank you so much for your attention to this!! In the name of all those who will benefit from your insight! I’m a survivor of both neglect of different flavors and abuse. I struggled so much with the persistent message that I should be able to breathe and calm down. Over time I discovered that I can do specific things in specific circumstances to reach a state of greater presence, instead of breathing etc. such as focusing on the gentle touch of my lips together. Sometimes I need to do something productive to regulate, because any focus on my body dysregulates me more not less. And yes, I meditated a lot because it was supposed to help. I stopped when I finally realized it really wasn’t good for me. Actually there were some benefits, but those benefits could have come at a lesser cost using trauma sensitive approaches. So grateful for your caring and attention in this difficult world, whoever you are!
Pamela LESTER, Teacher, CA says
What turned my lights on today was the mention of neglect of self-care.
I have had much somatic psychotherapy, and have learned to self-regulate to manage my life. Therefore I am quite stable.
However, I have been puzzled by my lack of ability to make and keep commitments to myself – my body particularly to regularly stretch, walk, attend qigong classes etc. To take action to help my body be in a healthy state, especially as I age.
I am very focused on computer activities in setting and reaching goals. Yet cannot apply that focus to balance my life physically. I do appreciate comments about shut down responses, and disconnection from embodiment and engagement. You didn’t mention dissociation today, but that is part of this process too.
Today you have given me a more self-compassionate paradigm to slowly encourage myself to make my bodily health a priority. My history of mental existance as a survivor response to womb mate loss, did leave me disconnected from both body and emotion. I have learned the tools to transcend, but it is a continuous process.
Noemi B, Another Field, Ann Arbor, MI, USA says
I have the same issues as you! I really liked the part about learning specific skills to be more productive and functional. I will try that now! It feels so good to have heard this in this context, it just seems valid and trustworthy coming from these people in a caring environment. Definitely makes it easier to have compassion for myself. Both on the front end with my expectations of myself, and the back end when I fail despite my best efforts. Good luck to you!!!
Svea van, Coach, ZA says
Thank you – I was reminded of the shawl and the eyes closed ways of engaging – cultivating a sense of steady respectful safety. I was encouraged by the significance of small signals and attention to how listener responses create a conducive environment within which to be two human beings in caring growth – let the person grow themselves by offering conditions conducive to them growing themselves – not fancy techniques and tools. Again, thank you
Jordan -Bodhi- Silveira, Coach, Sedona, AZ, USA says
in my practice (and everyday life) i continue to more and more deeply acknowledge and recognize the profound value and indispensable gift of ever deepening gentleness and consideration – standing in the unknown of someone else’s experience and being able to hold a loving container with those tenants in the foundations of my heart and ability to witness both myself and others exactly we they are, holding a profound reverence for our uniqueness and resilience – both deeply relating to and yet acknowledging that I can never fully understand someone else’s experience, yet being present in this, willingly and with a great honoring of our soul’s work here.
Melanie Heto, Psychology, Louisville, CO, USA says
I found it helpful to think about attunement of the patient’s experience (even if that is the experience of absence of emotion) as distinct from processing emotion. I will definitely use attention to the patient’s experience of my attunement to them as a technique in neglect cases instead of trying to press for the emotion.
Lorna Wiggins, Counseling, GB says
So useful to receive guidance on how to approach clients that struggle with eye contact. To ask the client what it’s like to make eye contact, to seek permission, collaborate, and invite their shift in posture is great – I can definitely try this with some clients.
Sowsan Sibai, Another Field, Parkville, MD, USA says
I Loved the Shall practice to let traumatized person realize containment and recognition.
Carol Bastien, Counseling, Greenville, NC, USA says
Thank you so. much for this! It is going to transform how I work with 2 clients I now see. I realize I have quickly gone to skill building etc when all I need to do at this time is be still, and connect with them and “see” them! They are seen!!!
Hailee Narayan, Social Work, Las Vegas, NV, USA says
This course has actually opened my eyes to one client in particular, that I need to go back and gain more knowledge of her childhood and what she experienced. Also, that trauma work is so much slower than people expect and it’s hard to get clients to understand that because so often they come in when they’re at their wits ends and want a quick fix when that’s not the case. It’s hard to get swept up in trying to give them a quick fix because of how much they’re struggling.
Luschka van Onselen, Counseling, GB says
I’m a trainee and this was absolutely fantastic and jammed full of incredibly useful information. I already know of a client that I’ll be able to use much of this with. Fantastic. Thank you.
Joanne B, Counseling, San Francisco, CA, USA says
some clients from other cultures are trained not to make direct eye contact.
Jenn Ribeiro, Social Work, Tarzana, CA, USA says
I appreciated the suggestions around more improvment of exec. functioning rather than emphasis on relaxing.
Claire Edwards, Counseling, GB says
The framework, the different types of neglect and what you might observe – very interesting. Moved by the ‘noticing’ ‘seeing’ ‘tending to’ the client with no expectation of another’s attention, heart breaking. Thank you – Claire, Edinburgh, UK
lisa hanning, Counseling, CA says
i found the links made between neurocognitive deficits ( such as organizing different stimuli, goal tending and keeping, etc) eye-opening. I often focus on the attachment trauma of neglect and do not necessarily consider the neurocognitive fallout …. i will consider the presentation of ADHD with a wider lens thanks to this webinair. So grateful.
John Smith, Another Field, CA says
I am not a practitioner
Purchased a few courses from NICABM over the years – interest in human behavior, and being a better me
Excellent information with a ton of take aways from Module 1
Neglect – most interesting course material along my learning
Thank-You NICABM
Looking forward to learning Neglect therapy applications/strategies of improvement
Tania Fendel, Counseling, Denver, CO, USA says
I don’t believe that I have a client suffering from neglect, but one of his daughters presented that way with me when she was in counseling. The most telling was the daughter’s avoiding eye contact and looking androgenous. It’s clarifying to know that neglected clients usually manifest their experience of neglect in their physical appearance. It is great to have common sense tips for what to say and do instead of going to the emotions chart. I’m beginning to wonder about my client at this point. Maybe he was neglected in his marriage and has picked up some of the ex’s behavior? He is definitely socially isolated and has prided himself on being focused on just work and kids. He admitted to coming to counseling to be heard and needing to process outwardly with someone because he has no group of people he turns to for support. Maybe he needs treatment for neglect so he doesn’t pass it on? He was quick to slide over the negative emotion that he owned. I noticed that he listed a lot of positive emotions. I am going to start noticing things like that with a short comment.