Your mantra of true but not real is a very interesting one, which i will try with a client I work with currently. The question of who would you be without fear is more complex, but I think it can work only after you work through the fear and are willing to face it.
Without fear…I don’t know, I’ve had fear for such a long time. I’d feel like a whole and complete person. As for who I would be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, same answer…I don’t know. I’d not know myself as fear had taken over a long time ago. I wouldn’t feel so sad inside, I’d be warmer and more loving within myself. I’d be a different person to the person I am in the present. Thank you for these videos they are wonderful. Beautiful
I would be a person who could openly and honestly express my feelings.
I fear conflict….but am realizing that it is more important to respect myself (through expressing these feelings) than having fear and worry about what the other person thinks or expresses back!
I’m not sure. I don’t like change. Who would I be if I changed? I’ve done a lot of “mental work” already. Perhaps I just need to rest with myself as I am. Without fear, I think I would be able to accept myself and others for who I am/who they are with a loving open heart.
Dear Tara,
Thank you for this presentation. Back in 2013, I read your book on Radical Acceptance and tried hard to internalize “Real but not True”. I listened to many of your talks on YouTube. I felt that it was time for me to tackle my FEAR/ANXIETY of the future. My FEAR/ANXIETY of the future/unknown still exists and here it is: what is going to happen to me when I get older, when I’m in my 70’s, 80’s and beyond. What if I can’t take care of myself; what if I’m stuck in the house with cobwebs, and can’t get around. Now I know that may not happen to me but, let’s be honest- it has happened to many people. I practice mindfulness and I let the fear stay….but would you not agree that it is a valid FEAR to worry about? How does one deal with that? I’m still stuck in it. It does not derail me from living my life but it is always there.
Without fear I don’t think, I could continue to move though life, I’ve had Great help facing Trauma, &, the fears created through,an “Abusive UP Bring” Your example of the Expression of the TRUTH, “Fear is Not Real” explained along time ago in my early Recovery, & exploration into Eastern Thoughts, took a long time accepting this Axiom ! I’ve come to believe that many forms of Fear, are in some Buddhist traditions “Obstacles” on the path to awakening, or the “Road we Trudge to Happy Destiny” For Me my biggest Fear is “Self Doubt, similar to the last test thrown at the Buddha, while his was sitting under the “Bodi Tree”
Thank you for sharing the videos with us, they are wonderfully respectful and intelligent. I believe I would feel more confident and worry less about if I’m doing the right thing. I would be more spontaneous and playful and not wonder what others thought of me. I would be less fearful of rejection. Real but not true!!
I would be more gentle, compassionate and accepting of myself and others. I would truly believe in myself and be able to discern my limitations and potentials. I would feel more directed, connected and loving. I would be more forgiving, understanding and hopeful that I could lead a more purposeful life
As a late blooming artist, knowing what is True would open up my creativity to trust my work, my process without all the second guessing that gets in the way. Stop the voice that whines at me…” is it good enough”… “should it be this or that?” Seeing this as a function of my brain and beliefs looping around and around is powerful. It’s not a character flaw which hooks me over and over again. NOW, I have the tools to make a difference, make a change. A practice to get out of my own way. Thank you Tara.
This question has provoked some deep thought. So, here goes: A mother, a world traveler, a psychotherapist in private practice, a champion for animal welfare facing off law enforcement and the media, working to make laws changed and enforced.
FEAR is so debilitating. Thank you Tara for your beautiful, caring videos. And I really like the question, “Who would you/I be if you believed that nothing was wrong with you.” And I also appreciate the mantra, “Real, but not true.”
You teach, describe and make this process of releasing fear and doubt and anxiety so understandable without the hype so often present with other presenters who seem to be more interested in creating what I call a Hollywood hype style of ‘help’. Your calmness is so appreciated in my life.
Thank you for your continued generosity and support. Velcro thoughts are hard to dismiss, they give us a sense of control, perhaps as we become aware of them they can be a reminder for us to wake up and imagine what our lives would be like if we just observed the thoughts with curiosity and visualize ourselves free to choose how we would like to be.
Free, happy, easygoing, more open to others, efficient in my life (less inclined to procrastination), more loving and most importantly, being ME!!! I look forward to hearing about the course. Thank you Tara!
I would be more of my authentic self.
Thank you Tara, for this simple but profound 3 Step Mindfulness practice & key phrases we can use to support ourselves and our clients.
I believe I’d be the best version of myself. I’d not fault myself in any way, I’d endeavor to work toward all outcomes without any hesitation and uncertainty. I’d feel liberated in some sense from the shackles of self doubt and probably feel more relaxed, self assured and confident…
I don’t know who I would be without fear. I have used fear to drive me to exceed expectations at school, at home,and in my work. I gained transitory feeling of approval and success; but the cost to my emotional, mental, and physical health is unmeasurable. My hope is that I can have some success at just “being enough”
With whatever time I have left. 76 years in my old patterns is long enough!
Kathy Hopson
Real but not true-> perfect!
Thank you! Just those 4 little words. I can see they will make a difference, drive a wedge into unfounded fear!
I really appreciate your sharing this profound insight.??
As so many responders here to the question, I also would be able to engage fully, vibrantly, and immediately to the life and connections all around me rather than be locked into the “real but not true” conditioning of the past.
I encourage clients to include the self-talk in their evening practice: “I go to bed with a sense of wonder instead of worry”. This is followed by phrasing a wonderful question such as: “I wonder what I might try to invest some more meaning in my work life?”
When they wake up in the morning, the morning ritual includes, repeating the question and jotting down an idea or two that comes up.
A second part of the evening practice is called Ta Da, where one does a mental ‘check’ and appraisal of 3 things one did well. (clients usually have a list of 3 goals/types of effort they put in daily. It’s an opportunity to notice how they made themselves proud that day.
There is so much that is helpful packed very clearly into these 3 presentations. A powerful saying “Real but not true” and powerful question “Who would you be……?”. Look forward to more.
Mary Moore, UK
In answer to your question, I would be more confident and able to focus on the client without the baggage of wondering if I’m asking the right questions and making meaningful responses to what the client is expressing. These videos have been helpful in my self examination. They have helped me asked, “What fear am I unwilling to face?” Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us.
While repeating the mantra “real but not true” may be helpful in undermining the power of self-limiting beliefs, there is also the possibility for some clients that, paradoxically, it reinforces those beliefs by placing the client in a tug of war with themselves in which they are constantly trying to convince themselves that their beliefs are not true. Real/truth may be a confusing differentiation to make and could bring about further inner conflict for folk who are already battling with self-doubt. Mindfulness and acceptance are mentioned, and self-observer perspective/self -as-content v self-as-context is alluded to…. however in this Psychological approach, my understanding is that it is not so much whether a belief is true, real or not BUT how workable or helpful it is in moving the client towards personally held meaningful values that improve quality of life. This approach to self-limiting beliefs, broadens the client’s perspective by experiencing the natural consequences of moving towards what matters, rather than getting further hooked into the “true, real or not” self-talk which for some clients simply reinforces the tendency to over-analyse and worry over their cognitions. The more attention is given to a thought the more it hooks you! While experientially exploring what it looks like to allow negative thoughts to just be without questioning, debating or trying to undermine them (which paradoxically can end up in more struggle) while commiting to living according to what matters most, can be releasing from self-limiting beliefs, and honours those hurting parts of self that may have experiencing much previous denial or dismissal. Best wishes Suzanne
Without fear I can see “clearly.” And live in calm abiding with
peace and joy. I am not deluded.
Rather, I am mindful and living in the present, not ruminating about the past, or fantasizing or thinking about the future. I am living in the present moment, which is the only thing that is real. Thank you, Tara.
Through you I discovered real but not true. It’s been life changing.
Thank you!
Your mantra of true but not real is a very interesting one, which i will try with a client I work with currently. The question of who would you be without fear is more complex, but I think it can work only after you work through the fear and are willing to face it.
Tara, Thanks so much!
Without fear…I don’t know, I’ve had fear for such a long time. I’d feel like a whole and complete person. As for who I would be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, same answer…I don’t know. I’d not know myself as fear had taken over a long time ago. I wouldn’t feel so sad inside, I’d be warmer and more loving within myself. I’d be a different person to the person I am in the present. Thank you for these videos they are wonderful. Beautiful
A match made in heaven.
Excellent! Thank you.
I like what I’ve heard, it will be useful for both myself and my clients, I’m honoring your experience.
a really great gifted teacher
I would be a person who could openly and honestly express my feelings.
I fear conflict….but am realizing that it is more important to respect myself (through expressing these feelings) than having fear and worry about what the other person thinks or expresses back!
I would be self-confident, less reactive, less judgmental, less self-critical, free from most anxiety, and feel a sense of lightness and ease.
I would be free!
I’m not sure. I don’t like change. Who would I be if I changed? I’ve done a lot of “mental work” already. Perhaps I just need to rest with myself as I am. Without fear, I think I would be able to accept myself and others for who I am/who they are with a loving open heart.
As someone who has lived in the shadow of fear and self doubt all my life, I really don’t know who I would be. It would be magical to meet her.
Dear Tara,
Thank you for this presentation. Back in 2013, I read your book on Radical Acceptance and tried hard to internalize “Real but not True”. I listened to many of your talks on YouTube. I felt that it was time for me to tackle my FEAR/ANXIETY of the future. My FEAR/ANXIETY of the future/unknown still exists and here it is: what is going to happen to me when I get older, when I’m in my 70’s, 80’s and beyond. What if I can’t take care of myself; what if I’m stuck in the house with cobwebs, and can’t get around. Now I know that may not happen to me but, let’s be honest- it has happened to many people. I practice mindfulness and I let the fear stay….but would you not agree that it is a valid FEAR to worry about? How does one deal with that? I’m still stuck in it. It does not derail me from living my life but it is always there.
a bodhisattva 🙂
Without fear I would be the Child of God I am created to be and living in the freedom of the children of God.
Without fear I don’t think, I could continue to move though life, I’ve had Great help facing Trauma, &, the fears created through,an “Abusive UP Bring” Your example of the Expression of the TRUTH, “Fear is Not Real” explained along time ago in my early Recovery, & exploration into Eastern Thoughts, took a long time accepting this Axiom ! I’ve come to believe that many forms of Fear, are in some Buddhist traditions “Obstacles” on the path to awakening, or the “Road we Trudge to Happy Destiny” For Me my biggest Fear is “Self Doubt, similar to the last test thrown at the Buddha, while his was sitting under the “Bodi Tree”
I would feel freer to be more spontaneous and trusting in my own wisdom and resources.
Thank you for sharing the videos with us, they are wonderfully respectful and intelligent. I believe I would feel more confident and worry less about if I’m doing the right thing. I would be more spontaneous and playful and not wonder what others thought of me. I would be less fearful of rejection. Real but not true!!
I would be more gentle, compassionate and accepting of myself and others. I would truly believe in myself and be able to discern my limitations and potentials. I would feel more directed, connected and loving. I would be more forgiving, understanding and hopeful that I could lead a more purposeful life
I would feel I belonged in my body, in this world.
As a late blooming artist, knowing what is True would open up my creativity to trust my work, my process without all the second guessing that gets in the way. Stop the voice that whines at me…” is it good enough”… “should it be this or that?” Seeing this as a function of my brain and beliefs looping around and around is powerful. It’s not a character flaw which hooks me over and over again. NOW, I have the tools to make a difference, make a change. A practice to get out of my own way. Thank you Tara.
This question has provoked some deep thought. So, here goes: A mother, a world traveler, a psychotherapist in private practice, a champion for animal welfare facing off law enforcement and the media, working to make laws changed and enforced.
FEAR is so debilitating. Thank you Tara for your beautiful, caring videos. And I really like the question, “Who would you/I be if you believed that nothing was wrong with you.” And I also appreciate the mantra, “Real, but not true.”
You teach, describe and make this process of releasing fear and doubt and anxiety so understandable without the hype so often present with other presenters who seem to be more interested in creating what I call a Hollywood hype style of ‘help’. Your calmness is so appreciated in my life.
Thank you for your continued generosity and support. Velcro thoughts are hard to dismiss, they give us a sense of control, perhaps as we become aware of them they can be a reminder for us to wake up and imagine what our lives would be like if we just observed the thoughts with curiosity and visualize ourselves free to choose how we would like to be.
I would be strong, smart, free, and lovable.
Free, happy, easygoing, more open to others, efficient in my life (less inclined to procrastination), more loving and most importantly, being ME!!! I look forward to hearing about the course. Thank you Tara!
A far more confident person in my body
I would be more of my authentic self.
Thank you Tara, for this simple but profound 3 Step Mindfulness practice & key phrases we can use to support ourselves and our clients.
I would be more self confident, and better able to deal with conflict.
I believe I’d be the best version of myself. I’d not fault myself in any way, I’d endeavor to work toward all outcomes without any hesitation and uncertainty. I’d feel liberated in some sense from the shackles of self doubt and probably feel more relaxed, self assured and confident…
Thanks Tara!
I don’t know who I would be without fear. I have used fear to drive me to exceed expectations at school, at home,and in my work. I gained transitory feeling of approval and success; but the cost to my emotional, mental, and physical health is unmeasurable. My hope is that I can have some success at just “being enough”
With whatever time I have left. 76 years in my old patterns is long enough!
Kathy Hopson
I’d be unstoppable 😉 Thank you so much for your work, Tara! 🙂
Real but not true-> perfect!
Thank you! Just those 4 little words. I can see they will make a difference, drive a wedge into unfounded fear!
I really appreciate your sharing this profound insight.??
As so many responders here to the question, I also would be able to engage fully, vibrantly, and immediately to the life and connections all around me rather than be locked into the “real but not true” conditioning of the past.
Thank you for this very valuable & useful information for guiding us on our journeys of awakening our hearts & minds to ever expanding Love ❤️
I encourage clients to include the self-talk in their evening practice: “I go to bed with a sense of wonder instead of worry”. This is followed by phrasing a wonderful question such as: “I wonder what I might try to invest some more meaning in my work life?”
When they wake up in the morning, the morning ritual includes, repeating the question and jotting down an idea or two that comes up.
A second part of the evening practice is called Ta Da, where one does a mental ‘check’ and appraisal of 3 things one did well. (clients usually have a list of 3 goals/types of effort they put in daily. It’s an opportunity to notice how they made themselves proud that day.
I’d be a more peaceful, present parent, teacher, partner.
I believe that I would have spent more time doing and experiencing and less time worrying, about what you describe as “real but not true”.
There is so much that is helpful packed very clearly into these 3 presentations. A powerful saying “Real but not true” and powerful question “Who would you be……?”. Look forward to more.
Mary Moore, UK
I love the phrase “real, but not true”. I’m going to remember that when I get in a situation that makes me pause and get into myself.
I would be a successful artist by now.
I believe that I would be able to see clearly, to think clearly and sleep better…:)
In answer to your question, I would be more confident and able to focus on the client without the baggage of wondering if I’m asking the right questions and making meaningful responses to what the client is expressing. These videos have been helpful in my self examination. They have helped me asked, “What fear am I unwilling to face?” Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us.
While repeating the mantra “real but not true” may be helpful in undermining the power of self-limiting beliefs, there is also the possibility for some clients that, paradoxically, it reinforces those beliefs by placing the client in a tug of war with themselves in which they are constantly trying to convince themselves that their beliefs are not true. Real/truth may be a confusing differentiation to make and could bring about further inner conflict for folk who are already battling with self-doubt. Mindfulness and acceptance are mentioned, and self-observer perspective/self -as-content v self-as-context is alluded to…. however in this Psychological approach, my understanding is that it is not so much whether a belief is true, real or not BUT how workable or helpful it is in moving the client towards personally held meaningful values that improve quality of life. This approach to self-limiting beliefs, broadens the client’s perspective by experiencing the natural consequences of moving towards what matters, rather than getting further hooked into the “true, real or not” self-talk which for some clients simply reinforces the tendency to over-analyse and worry over their cognitions. The more attention is given to a thought the more it hooks you! While experientially exploring what it looks like to allow negative thoughts to just be without questioning, debating or trying to undermine them (which paradoxically can end up in more struggle) while commiting to living according to what matters most, can be releasing from self-limiting beliefs, and honours those hurting parts of self that may have experiencing much previous denial or dismissal. Best wishes Suzanne
Thank you! The information will be really useful and I am looking forward to more.
Without fear I can see “clearly.” And live in calm abiding with
peace and joy. I am not deluded.
Rather, I am mindful and living in the present, not ruminating about the past, or fantasizing or thinking about the future. I am living in the present moment, which is the only thing that is real. Thank you, Tara.
I would be happier in the present and more content.
Thank you
I would be living in the love that God created me in. Perfect love casts out fear.. sometimes it takes time and healing to receive perfect love.