Thank you Tara…
I truly love the practice where we invite ourselves to pause, place 1 hand on our heart and 1 hand on our tummy…breathing…and being….softening and melting, as you invite so often from ice to water…. I feel softer, a creation of more space and the ability to “say yes” to all of what is here…. the physical experience of hand placed on heart is a further invite, I feel to trust, allow and have strength to be with whats happening…just now.
The common humanity comes into this for me also, and I feel when I am working with others, we can hold that space together, becoming the waves almost…rather than resisting/fighting against it…I love the “tend and befriend” very grateful for this supportive piece in my work❤
I felt grief bubble up and this is the first time that I have ever taken the time to sit with that rather than rush off and do something to avoid how I feel.
These videos have come at a really good time. I’ve been actively paying attention to the way my body feels when I feel triggered. When I feel tightened up and repelled by people and events around me. So I have been paying closer attention to this reaction, and the feeling in my body and where it sits. I try to zero in on my nervous system as though it is a frightened child and soothe it by breathing slowly and consciously to soften the tension. As you mention, practice, hundreds and hundreds of times to re wire my brain. Thank you.
Great exercise Tara. I truly believe that this is the root of humanities’ crisis and (as Jung said) if we all do our own inner work, we can save ourselves and each other. Thank you for this. I did feel a ‘shift’ during the meditation and will continue with these steps as suggested.
So hard to care for myself! I can send love out to others but soooo difficult to do for myself. First thoughts “ I’m
Not worthy of this self love be. I’m only worthy of self love if I will use it to help others.”
Lol… gotta go back and do the 3 steps of mindfulness.
❤️
Interestingly, I immediately knew that I didn’t need to eat any more popcorn. I had been mindlessly eating handfuls of popcorn while watching the video. I have spent a lifetime struggling with using food to tamp down feelings. Some internal recognition and kindness to self can go a long way!
Jo Goldman, Psychotherapy, Winchester, MA, USAsays
I experienced a sense of spaciousness– a loosening of the anxiety that self-doubt engenders. This created a sense of hope and possibility. How very refreshing and also challenging to maintain that self-love!
It felt soothing, but at the same time, I was noticing the incongruence of what I was telling myself and the feelings that arose from that voice still creeping in. My body still felt the beliefs I hold that my negative self-views are true.
I felt sad and challenged by the gesture of kindness. Somehow I feel that I don’t deserve it. I hurt one of my sisters about thirty years ago and while she said all those years ago that she had forgiven me, she continued to bring up the incident over a period of about 25 years, over and over again. I ended up on the hook again and have since carried all this shame over what happened all those years ago. And now it seems I can’t forgive myself for having done this lousy thing to her.
Acknowledging how painful this place of suffering is and naming it.
When my hand is on my heart it truly feels that depth and compassion responds with gentleness and love.
I offered words of love to my younger self. I had compassion on her in her confusion and lostness. I assured her that she did her best and that she was never truly alone. God and Spirit were there.
I feel a sense of kindness but also sadness and regret for hurting my partner repeatedly due to my lack of emotion regulation from a childhood of torture. The childhood abuse has affected my ability to understand and create boundaries for myself to intern fully respect others boundaries. It’s a real struggle. These steps are helpful which will now be a daily practice.
I feel like I’m very much worth to keep growing and working on myself. I feel like I can be the best mom I can and that I will do my best to guide my kids and be by their side for them to be strong and loving human beings. I know this requires a continued commitment from me working on myself.
Marie Hafdahl, Another Field, Las Vegas, NV, USAsays
Sadness and regret that I never understood how to be in relation with others including my family. I will use step 2 to calm my emotions to overcome my self judgment when Feelings of doubt and unworthiness arise when interacting with others.
I’m a recovering alcoholic and feelings in my family were mostly anger, a controlling religious mother, that showed little affection, made shameful comments about behavior and thoughts I never exhibited.
i experienced a stepping back inside , an opening to a greater wider support that is holding me all the time even though i don’t know how . Each time i remember this i expand and all sorts of worries drop away
thank you for reconnecting me via this practice
I really love that transition to the frontal cortex when we label our thoughts and they become less powerful. We become the ocean again and not just the waves. That’s a wonderful shift in perspective.
I feel a sadness. I just say’ you are ok’ which opens up the sadness. But there is a comfort in it as the sadness is being noticed and whatever cares for it or is there with it. physically it feels like a widening or spreading of the heart.
When I give myself the gift of loving kindness or compassion I go back to my childhood when I thought I was perfect as I was. This was before I became a teenager. Before the criticism from my parents, molestation, weight gain, etc.
I was able to be still and be in the moment. I could calm my breathing and remember to practice what I preach. I will offer this to clients possible as another way to close the session.
What Came up for me was the suffering that continually plagues my mind… I should be more I should do more in order for me to love myself and for others to love me. That I am unloveable and the sadness and grief of the life Half lived that floods my body and my heart was such sorrow
The shift from “I am angry” to “I am suffering” was transformative. I imagined the hurt was tended to by a holy man. This imagery will be of tremendous benefit in my (sometimes anguished) role as a full-time caregiver for my (kind and gentle) mom, who is moving into late-stage dementia =(
Already used the 3 step process as homework for my coaching client.. Several of the ideas were supportive to him. Unworthiness is epidemic in our culture. You can not be feeling worthless and open/hearted at the same time. They are mutually exclusive, These ideas allowed my client to normalize his struggles .
I feel love. So much love for all of the pieces of me.
When I realized that my thoughts were not always true or valid, it changed me. I have said many ugly and hurtful things to myself. Those words don’t sting so much as space allows for the truth of who I am to come through.
Thank you, Tara. You are a wise, great, and kind teacher. Sending you live.
Carol
Feelings of warmth and safety.
I felt a fluttery feeling and it feels light and brought me a smile. 🙂
I greatly appreciate the shared insights by the writer psychologist and the readers’
comments.
I will use these ideas and passed the article on to my wife and adult children.
Thank you Tara…
I truly love the practice where we invite ourselves to pause, place 1 hand on our heart and 1 hand on our tummy…breathing…and being….softening and melting, as you invite so often from ice to water…. I feel softer, a creation of more space and the ability to “say yes” to all of what is here…. the physical experience of hand placed on heart is a further invite, I feel to trust, allow and have strength to be with whats happening…just now.
The common humanity comes into this for me also, and I feel when I am working with others, we can hold that space together, becoming the waves almost…rather than resisting/fighting against it…I love the “tend and befriend” very grateful for this supportive piece in my work❤
I felt a sense of safety and protection, which immediately restored a sense of hope that has been missing.
I felt grief bubble up and this is the first time that I have ever taken the time to sit with that rather than rush off and do something to avoid how I feel.
I just claimed myself, as being My special person to care for. Kind of the way I feel for, love and care for my doggie. Thank you.
These videos have come at a really good time. I’ve been actively paying attention to the way my body feels when I feel triggered. When I feel tightened up and repelled by people and events around me. So I have been paying closer attention to this reaction, and the feeling in my body and where it sits. I try to zero in on my nervous system as though it is a frightened child and soothe it by breathing slowly and consciously to soften the tension. As you mention, practice, hundreds and hundreds of times to re wire my brain. Thank you.
Great exercise Tara. I truly believe that this is the root of humanities’ crisis and (as Jung said) if we all do our own inner work, we can save ourselves and each other. Thank you for this. I did feel a ‘shift’ during the meditation and will continue with these steps as suggested.
So hard to care for myself! I can send love out to others but soooo difficult to do for myself. First thoughts “ I’m
Not worthy of this self love be. I’m only worthy of self love if I will use it to help others.”
Lol… gotta go back and do the 3 steps of mindfulness.
❤️
Interestingly, I immediately knew that I didn’t need to eat any more popcorn. I had been mindlessly eating handfuls of popcorn while watching the video. I have spent a lifetime struggling with using food to tamp down feelings. Some internal recognition and kindness to self can go a long way!
I experienced a sense of spaciousness– a loosening of the anxiety that self-doubt engenders. This created a sense of hope and possibility. How very refreshing and also challenging to maintain that self-love!
I felt real compassion for myself – that I have always done the best I could, and others are doing the same.
It felt soothing, but at the same time, I was noticing the incongruence of what I was telling myself and the feelings that arose from that voice still creeping in. My body still felt the beliefs I hold that my negative self-views are true.
I feel that I can breathe better.
I felt sad and challenged by the gesture of kindness. Somehow I feel that I don’t deserve it. I hurt one of my sisters about thirty years ago and while she said all those years ago that she had forgiven me, she continued to bring up the incident over a period of about 25 years, over and over again. I ended up on the hook again and have since carried all this shame over what happened all those years ago. And now it seems I can’t forgive myself for having done this lousy thing to her.
I felt tenderness and tears came up.
Acknowledging how painful this place of suffering is and naming it.
When my hand is on my heart it truly feels that depth and compassion responds with gentleness and love.
I felt such a peace and tenderness to myself knowing I am enough
I felt a calm settling on me; a release of anxiety and fear.
I offered words of love to my younger self. I had compassion on her in her confusion and lostness. I assured her that she did her best and that she was never truly alone. God and Spirit were there.
I feel a sense of kindness but also sadness and regret for hurting my partner repeatedly due to my lack of emotion regulation from a childhood of torture. The childhood abuse has affected my ability to understand and create boundaries for myself to intern fully respect others boundaries. It’s a real struggle. These steps are helpful which will now be a daily practice.
I feel like I’m very much worth to keep growing and working on myself. I feel like I can be the best mom I can and that I will do my best to guide my kids and be by their side for them to be strong and loving human beings. I know this requires a continued commitment from me working on myself.
Gratitude for simply being… release to the, a holding and unfolding grace, the immediate beyond
Sadness and regret that I never understood how to be in relation with others including my family. I will use step 2 to calm my emotions to overcome my self judgment when Feelings of doubt and unworthiness arise when interacting with others.
Kindness creates peace in the face of chaos and mutiny
The need for regular practice
I’m a recovering alcoholic and feelings in my family were mostly anger, a controlling religious mother, that showed little affection, made shameful comments about behavior and thoughts I never exhibited.
i experienced a stepping back inside , an opening to a greater wider support that is holding me all the time even though i don’t know how . Each time i remember this i expand and all sorts of worries drop away
thank you for reconnecting me via this practice
I really love that transition to the frontal cortex when we label our thoughts and they become less powerful. We become the ocean again and not just the waves. That’s a wonderful shift in perspective.
That everything will be OK! That I’m loved!
I felt more integrated, less resistant to parts of myself. More accepting and at peace. More tender. The world seems a more beautiful place.
Peace
Compassion and recognition that I’m trying my best
I feel a sadness. I just say’ you are ok’ which opens up the sadness. But there is a comfort in it as the sadness is being noticed and whatever cares for it or is there with it. physically it feels like a widening or spreading of the heart.
When I give myself the gift of loving kindness or compassion I go back to my childhood when I thought I was perfect as I was. This was before I became a teenager. Before the criticism from my parents, molestation, weight gain, etc.
So much grief.
The gesture of kindness to myself let me breathe more easily and cry. It pressed the pause button. Opening the door to hope and positivity.
A deep emotional response of relief and forgiveness, and a surge of hope that things can be repaired.
My gesture of kindness was to tell myself “I am enough”. The next thought that arose was “I am Good and Plenty”.
With clients, I will offer an affirming statement and then ask them what thought arose next?
I find it MUCH easier to extend compassion and nonjudgment to my clients/patients, and to speak loving and true statements to them, than to myself.
I was able to be still and be in the moment. I could calm my breathing and remember to practice what I preach. I will offer this to clients possible as another way to close the session.
What Came up for me was the suffering that continually plagues my mind… I should be more I should do more in order for me to love myself and for others to love me. That I am unloveable and the sadness and grief of the life Half lived that floods my body and my heart was such sorrow
Gentleness and compassion. The most simple exercises can be the most profound way to shift negative responses to self.
A feeling of peace, but short lived. Still much work to be done
I feel a small sense of peace… but agree I will need to keep at this
The shift from “I am angry” to “I am suffering” was transformative. I imagined the hurt was tended to by a holy man. This imagery will be of tremendous benefit in my (sometimes anguished) role as a full-time caregiver for my (kind and gentle) mom, who is moving into late-stage dementia =(
I told myself ” you’re not that abused little boy, you’re beautiful and successful, you’ve overcome a lot !” The shift was warm and inviting…”
Already used the 3 step process as homework for my coaching client.. Several of the ideas were supportive to him. Unworthiness is epidemic in our culture. You can not be feeling worthless and open/hearted at the same time. They are mutually exclusive, These ideas allowed my client to normalize his struggles .
Hi Tara!
I feel love. So much love for all of the pieces of me.
When I realized that my thoughts were not always true or valid, it changed me. I have said many ugly and hurtful things to myself. Those words don’t sting so much as space allows for the truth of who I am to come through.
Thank you, Tara. You are a wise, great, and kind teacher. Sending you live.
Carol