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A "Secret Kindness" Intervention for Working with Depression

131 Comments

Depression can rob our clients of the full, thriving lives we all hope for.

And so often, a depressed client will avoid the very people, places, and activities that once gave them pleasure.

In the video below, Steven Hayes, PhD describes a woman who suffered from both depression and anxiety. She started avoiding the business that she owned . . .

. . . until he gave her a simple, unique, almost playful assignment.

Take a look – it’s about 5 minutes.

This video was taken from the Next Level Practitioner training program where members receive a daily video like this from one of the top 20 experts in our field. That program is not open for new members right now, but if you want to be on a waiting list in case it opens up, please click here.

What ideas are you going to use with your patients? Please leave a comment below.

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131 Comments

  1. Marianne, psychotherapist and trauma therapist says

    I love turning away from the problem, the roots of the problem and the playful idea of doing everyday something new which brings me closer to my values. Watching nicabm videos is just the thing for me! A short time of studying without stress brings me forward in my practice and with my clients. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Anne Stone says

    I’d love to find a way to frame this for aspiring millennials in the workplace, who have been so clocked and tracked and graded that they sometimes seem to find it hard to feel like they’re succeeding without ‘beating’ others to the levels and accolades they seek so actively.
    I’ve felt badly for some of my younger colleagues, who seem to lack this experience of secret kindness, or secret/internal anything. I’ve seen folks who are so hungry to be witnessed that they’ve done damage to those around them, but they still don’t seem fed or confirmed even when they ‘win’.
    Given rules like these, and a set goal to achieve, might be just the ticket.

    Reply
  3. Julia Lynam says

    And what about receiving kindness? How do we react when we receive kindness – or anything else – and don’t know whom to thank?

    Reply
    • Anya says

      Well, we coukd simply feel grateful and cared for and maybe even enjoy the mystery. One of the beauties of the anonymity is that it removes the ability to feel beholden or to feel pressure to return in a tit for tat manner. There’s no one to repay when you do not know who chose to bless you with kindness. Thus, it also removes any sense of control over outcomes, teaching us that good things can just come to us without earning or repaying being a part of the picture as well as that we do not have to control everything!
      It is often more comfortable to give than to receive because we retain some eense of being in control as the giver, but there is indeed much blessing in learning the art of receiving!

      Reply
      • Anya says

        Apologies for typos –my screen won’t go bigger for this site, and the type is teensy!

        Reply
  4. Kelly Scott says

    I like the idea of being kind and not getting caught so will be considering this as a strategy for some clients that I think it might resonate with.
    Great video. Thank you.

    Reply
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